There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter & bleed.
- Ernest Hemingway -
LMAO so true!
It's not a matter of wanting to sound God-like & self-righteous. It's not even about wanting to help others. I used to have that mindset about my writing, even now sometimes. But when I further question this feeling, not only about writing, but also teaching, conversing, etc., I find that, nowadays it isn't so much about the wanting to help others anymore.
I write for the pure joy of it. Helping others is just a by-product. At the risk of sounding mean, it doesn't concern me what you do with the information you gather from here. If you resonate with it, & find my personal experiences beneficial towards your life & growth, then good on you; if not, then what am I to do about it?
During one of the philosophy lectures, it was said that in making it our main objective to help others, we are indirectly building up our ego. Now I'm not saying all the Mother Theresas in the world are egoists. No - again it is a very personal matter. Question, always question everything, including your own thoughts & motives. Dig down to the very bottom of everything. Are you doing it for your own enjoyment, regardless of outcome; or are you doing it for the applause? Hahahahah sorry Lady Gaga, ter-copyright kejap! :P :P :P
Something that needs doing, deep within you, requires no outside validation, no external reward - these are secondary compared to the joy that you get from doing what you love best.
& you know you have found something you truly love doing, when the opinions of others do not faze you. If someone says something about your passion that disturbs you, again, question - why am I feeling this way? What has this person's comments reflected on my own feelings about myself & the things I do?
If someone gets worked up because of your actions, & you start getting worked up as well - ask! Not the other person, but yourself! Ask yourself, what is it about this person's feelings towards my actions that make me feel disturbed? Am I truly at peace with my actions & choices?
Another story. This time from Deep.
I was walking & was approached by this man who started berating me & putting down the name of my master, Osho: 'Why do you follow him, he is a playboy, he does this, that, this that...' & on & on. After the man finished, I just looked at him, laughed & said, 'Yes, he is a playboy & this & that...so what? I just love him!'
Bahahahahahah...you get what I'm trying to say, dear readers?
When you are certain of your truth, nothing can disturb you. Even if it initially does, wait for a while, question yourself, repeat process if necessary & then see how you feel. Even if it takes hours or days, do it. Question. It is so important to get down to the root of things. Everything is reflecting something back about yourself. It is never always an easy process. It can be the toughest thing to do. But the results will be so worth it.
Another beautiful thing about this process is that you don't make an enemy of the person whose thoughts & opinions differ from yours. You respect that the other person is merely acting out of their own level of consciousness/awareness, as well as their own unique individual collective experiences. & who is to say who is right or wrong?
I would break my back for the ones I love...
But how many would be willing to push the wheelchair for me after?
I came across this quote on Facebook a few minutes ago & it quite tickled me, because I am prone to wallow in self-pity & think such thoughts...hahahahah...but that again is just the ego at work!
It is not anyone's job to help anybody. It is not even anyone's obligation to 'push your wheelchair' for you after. You are responsible for your own goddamn back & well-being. Even if nobody pushes your wheelchair, are you just going to sit there & rot to death, or use your own arms to get yourself moving?
Better yet, get a motorized wheelchair & travel the world! Woohooo!!!
On the outside, a yogi looks like he/she is just sitting there doing nothing. Even in their actions & interactions, it seems like everything is zip-a-dee-doo-dah for them. I feel like this is possible, but only after a lot of practice. Practice in building awareness & fully accepting oneself. After a while, this process of questioning happens in a mere moment. You get a knack for it. It's okey if initially you are not able to answer your own questions, the very first thing that is needed is the awareness. If you do not know that there is a mango seed planted in your garden, would you water it daily?
On the surface, there seems to be nothing going on. But internally, the struggle can be real. If you are at peace with yourself, you can be at peace with others.
& just to add one more thing to all this mindfuckery - it's okey to be not okey. If all this questioning gets you exasperated, take rest. Rumi had to spin for 3 days straight without stopping, Buddha sat under that tree for 40 days; sometimes great things take time! Hahahahahah! :D :D :D
So don't be discouraged. The answers are always within you.