We enter this world alone, & we leave alone.
This is a very difficult fact to accept, & boy do I know the difficulty of coming to terms with this!
I guess in some ways it is made even more difficult due to the very nature of being a woman. For the feminine, it's all about nurturing & giving. & we also expect that from others, especially from the opposite sex. I think it's fair to say that a woman would have at least once in her life dreamt of meeting her ideal partner, the one who would 'complete' her.
Sometimes we become so attached to the idea of that perfect someone who is out there just waiting to be discovered, sometimes so much so that we forgo all logic & fool ourselves into thinking that Mr. Wrong is actually Mr. Right. & we let ourselves be put through unnecessary shit all in the name of 'love'. Believe me; I've been there.
Bahahahahah...always have to find out the hard way! :P
But what I've discovered is that it all begins with loving yourself. You have to know what you're about, what you stand for, what your principles in life are; before you can know what you want in another. & only after you have figured out all this, can you set the foundations on how others must treat you. If you have no self-worth, how will you be able to set the bar on how others should treat you?
So you've found The One. What next? Does everything miraculously, magically fall into place & the both of you ride off into the sunset & live happily ever after? Well, yes, I believe this does happen. Not the riding off into the sunset part though. Hahahahah!
I believe that every relationship requires effort. There is no such thing as a relationship that is hunky dory all the time. Even the most lovey dovey couples have their share of disagreements, no matter how small. It's just a matter of how both parties are willing to compromise & cooperate to keep the relationship working (this of course doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your principles).
I think that when you have found The One, the individual's journey still carries on. It is important to still maintain your sense of individuality, so that you can each bring more stuff to the table to be shared & thus to grow together. No matter how vastly differing your journeys are, remember: those differences are what attracted you to each other in the first place!
It is never a matter of differences; what really matters is how we deal with those differences. Do we berate the other for having beliefs dissimilar to ours? Or do we simply accept them for who they are, & respect whatever stage of their journey they are on?
You have to each be strong individuals in order to be a strong couple.
When you are strong as an individual, you remove dependency towards your partner. Because let's face it - nobody is capable of making you happy, all the time. Even your very bestest friend has pissed you off at one point in time. So it would be irrational to place your happiness on the actions & behaviour of another. It is your own responsibility to keep yourself happy. By depending on others to make you happy, you are not only limiting your growth, but the growth of that other person(s) too.
Once again it boils down to what I like to call The Great Irony Of Life. You have to let go to receive. Be soft to be strong. Yadda yadda yadda.
There is no use in clinging on too much in a relationship. It is like holding sand in your hand - the tighter your grip, the more grains of sand escape from your hand. If you hold it fairly loosely, however, the sand stays in place.
If it is meant to be, it will be. I used to get very confused between these two ideas:
Go with the flow.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
Now I understand that situations matter. If you go with the flow too much, you'd probably be pushed head-first into rocks & floating logs etc, resulting in you becoming a dead fish, bahahahahah! To maintain your status as an un-dead fish, you have to be smart enough to decide when to use the flow - if it would work in your favour, when to go with it; & when to go against it if there is a big-assed crocodile behind you.
Another majorly-overused phrase of mine: sthiram sukham asanam. Posture must be steady & comfortable. In Buddhist teachings, this would be 'finding the middle way'.
If you strain & force yourself into a pose, you will not be able to hold the pose for long. If you are too comfortable & not using any effort, you may be able to hold the pose for longer, but you are not reaping any benefits from doing it.
& so it is with relationships.
Not even sure if all my sentences & points are in proper order. My brain can't really function today. :(
Love & gratitude, for everything. <3