In the end, I decided to go with the concept of self-love, because it was one of the philosophies which drastically transformed my life. I never thought of myself as a masochist, but in hindsight, I realized I was a multiple offender, especially when it came to my significant other(s).
This post is for both men & women, but I can only speak from a woman's point of view, & I acknowledge that some men would resonate with what I am about to write about, either personally or with the women in their lives.
I feel that sometimes we can give too much. Yes, we women are nurturers & caregivers, sometimes to a fault. Sometimes we think too much about the other, & forget ourselves in the process. We care too much, we sacrifice too much, and somewhere along the way, we lose ourselves. & for me, that was always where everything started going wrong.
(Image from www.askideas.com)
I've come to learn that loving somebody doesn't mean putting up with their BS all the time.
Yes, dear friends, there will definitely be times where there needs to be some tolerance, acceptance, understanding, as well as give & take. But how much is too much? When the other person doesn't own up to their shit, doesn't take responsibility, creates more drama just to avoid having to make a positive change (either for themselves as an individual or for both parties), then it is definitely up to you to make the call: Am I happy with this person? Is this situation helping me grow? How would my life be with/without this person in it?
When you love yourself, it sets the tone to all your other relationships, because then you know what you want & what you don't want; what makes you feel good, what doesn't; what makes you happy, what doesn't. This then gives you the power to decide on things. & when shit starts stirring up, you can then either decide 'Yes I can deal with this,' or 'No I don't deserve this, kthxbai'.
Please take note, dear friends...I don't mean for you to completely disregard the feelings & well-being of the other. But when shit hits the fan, I'm sorry but it's every man for himself. You can try working things out. But at the end of the day, you can't force someone to change, especially if the other doesn't see an issue with their behaviour. & this applies in any relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial. It doesn't mean you or the other is a bad person, it just means that you don't vibe, period. (Further explained here: Relationship & Shampoo Revelations)
Beloveds, the beauty of self-love is that when you love yourself, you also start accepting yourself in your totality. It doesn't really matter what others think of you. & to know without a doubt that you & only you alone are responsible for your life, my God...it's terrifying yet liberating at the same time. The first few times I came face to face with this freedom, I would literally curl up in a ball on my bedroom floor, whole body shivering. (My personal account on the subject here: Life Is A Solo Trip With A One Way Ticket)
When you love yourself, you start relaxing into life. & that's where the flowering starts. Life becomes an enjoyment, a beautiful song. You may not notice it, but your whole energetic body changes. The way you stand, the way you move, the way you interact with those around you...everything changes. ;) ;) ;)
& guess what this all equates to?
- People you don't vibe with
- Situations which are detrimental for you
+ Responsibility for your life
= Space for the things and people which are good for you.
Are you ready for the love your deserve?
The longest relationship you will be in is the one you have with yourself - let it be a relationship full of love!
Are you ready for the life you deserve?
You only have this one precious life - why not now, why not today, why wait for tomorrow? For whom, for what?
Ek zindagi - tum kaise jioge?
(One life - how you going to live it?)
Happy Thursday, errbodeh!