Friday, February 17, 2017

Dear friends,

I have relocated my blog here. See you on the other side! ;) ;) ;)

Thursday, February 9, 2017

When You Get a Taste of a Real Man, The Rest of the World Never Really Tastes the Same...

Dear friends, today's post is a shout out to all men. I guess being surrounded by mostly women for a whole week made me appreciate male presence even more. I mean, in certain ways I loved the sisterhood, but let's get real here; there are some spaces which only men can fill perfectly.

To all you dirty minded mofos getting all excited, I see you! No, this isn't that kind of blog post! Bahahahahahah!

At the Shakti Fest, one of the things which shocked me to the core is how many women have been sexually abused. I think for me it is one of those things which you acknowledge at the back of your mind the direness of the situation, but it only really hits you when you see it in front of your eyes.

The very moment it hit me, I felt a multitude of emotions. Mostly sadness & anger.

Some of these women seemed to be among the strongest women I know of. They had no airs about them, were always smiley, were holding a job they loved; basically their life seemed well put together. It shocked me & made me realize that everyone has their own problems in life.

I felt sad & angry not only out of empathy, but also, in a strange way, I felt angry at myself for not being able to protect them. I know it sounds silly, but I did & still do.

But that's a story for another day.

Later on, I felt immense gratitude not only to the Universe, but also to all the men I've encountered in my life. I realized that there is so much more to 'being a gentleman' than just holding doors open & dressing well. & it made me think of all the times when a man could have easily taken advantage of me, but chose not to. It made me think of all the times a man did something nice for me, not because he wanted something from me, but just because he wanted to. Indeed, women are physically weaker than men, & they are more than capable of overpowering us if they want to; therefore these things really speaks volumes about a man's character.

From that day on, I decided to make it a point to always give credit where credit is due. I think we are sometimes too quick to condemn & to criticize, but are too damn slow in giving praise & showing appreciation. I'm all for women's rights & empowerment, but at the same time I do not believe in male-bashing. I don't believe in phrases like: 'man up', 'boys don't cry', & especially not ' lost to a girl?' I don't believe that either one is superior to or 'owes' the other anything. Right action has to come out of a deep-rooted feeling of love & respect for the other, not only as man/woman, but also as unique individual entities - souls.

Funny story: after I said thank you to one of my male friends, & was explaining to him how at the root of it all, my appreciation goes to his mother for raising a gentleman, he jokingly retorted, 'Oh shit, so that means I don't get any credit?' :P :P :P Laugh die me. Hahahahah!

I digress.

Women & men can never be equals; they can never be superior nor inferior to the other; how can they be, when they are essentially different in nature?

The differences in how men & women interpret things, bahahahahah!

Ironically, it is also this difference which sometimes makes it difficult for both sides to relate to each other! The woman wants to talk all (& I mean, all) about her day, while the man just wants to go into his man cave...then the woman starts accusing him that he doesn't love her anymore, & the man is like, 'What did I do???'

I hear you, men: 'So what in the H do you women need from us???'

I came across a Facebook post where women were asked what is the one thing they would like men to know. Here are a few of my favourite answers which may help clear things up a tad:

Women naturally respond to true male energy, when men are being true to themselves, embracing their maleness.. it allows women to embrace their feminine energy...I don't mean cat calling, sidewalk spitting, steroid driven "Guys" .. I mean, eye contact, hand to the small of the back, intellectual respect and strength. So for me... the one thing I want every man to know, understand.. I need you to be a man so I can be a girl. {The reason I think this could change the world is because if people were confident in their natural selves.. there might just be more love, compassion and peace in the world}

Listen to me. I mean, truly listen to what I say. Ask questions if you don't understand what I'm trying to say. Don't just listen to respond but really listen to contribute. And when I'm venting ask me this question: Do you need me to listen, find a solution or beat the shit out of someone? It's generally just listen, but if I know you have my back and a sense of humor, I can be easily diffused.

That men ARE NOT responsible for the way women feel and that women ARE NOT responsible for the way men feel. That an individuals happiness is an inside job and we bring to all relationships what we got going on inside. ha!

& ladies, you need to play your part too!

Let's remove the idea that men are emotion-less bastard pigs who think about sex every 3 seconds. Men are not numb to subtle body language & voice intonations. They are capable of knowing when you are upset, or if something is wrong. & I really believe that they want nothing more than to help make things better, but sometimes may not know how to, or what we as women need. Allow the men in your life to care for you. Being a strong woman does not mean having to adopt masculine qualities as well. You can't not allow men to be men, & then complain that there are no real men left in the world!

If they ask you what's wrong, don't tarik harga lah, aiyohhh! Tarik harga is a Malay phrase which in this case means if he asks you what is wrong, don't say nothing then continue sulking, hoping that he will ask you 108 more times what the hell is wrong before you spill the beans. Basically if he (or anyone, for that matter) asks you what's up, don't play games. Be honest & upfront, & honour the fact that the reason he has asked is because he is genuinely concerned. If every time play tarik harga, eh boring weh! Ain't nobody got time fo dat!

& if the poor man has not realized that something's up, please, for the love of God, don't take it personally; just tell him. Yes, I believe men are capable of noticing when a woman is upset, but at the end of the day, they are just human too.

We can't say we want real men in our lives, yet at the same time not allow them to step up into their roles as men.

Another thing: let's re-learn the art of accepting genuine compliments gracefully. Since when has it become so wrong for someone to express appreciation & awe for another? This post by Scoop Whoop says it all: Even When I Genuinely Compliment A Woman, Why Does Everybody Think I’m Trying To Flirt?

Not saying that you should go forth & accept any damn compliment that comes your way though! Everything is energy, be aware of it. & you will come to know the difference between who is real & sincere, & who is not. ;)

I will end with this beautiful piece by Sofia Sundari, which I deeply resonate with:

I want to say something to all men in my life.
I appreciate your presence in my life so deeply.
I appreciate immensely your ability to show up and say: I am here.
I love your natural instict to protect me, to provide for me.
I love when you look deep into my eyes and I know you really see me.
I accept your care with so much gratitude
I meet your darkness and your pain with never ending softness of my heart.
I receive your shadow, I receive your sadness. I receive you when you close off and hide...
I have no anger, no resentment, no expectation and no demand towards you.
Please forgive me for all the times when I unconsciously made you feel less of a man, when I domesticated you or hurt you...
I pray to never do this again.

I invite you to melt with me, and let yourself be touched by the innocence of the little girl, be held my the mother, be expanded by the glory of the wild woman that I am.

I fall back into your arms and trust that you will catch me even though I was dropped a thousand times. And if I am to be dropped another thousand times... I will still trust.
I want to say something to all men in my life:
I love you.

Friday, February 3, 2017

The End of A Friendship Is Tougher Than The End of Any Relationship.

Recently, I learned an extremely hard lesson on the importance of friendship. & coincidentally it was Friends Day yesterday so I shuffled my blog schedule around to accommodate this post.

Truly, friendship is the highest relationship. & friendliness is the only way to relate to others.

Just observe your connections with the people around you. The relationships you have with your father, your mother, your partner, your colleagues, your neighbours...& lastly, your enemies. Which are the most beautiful connections? Aren't they the ones in which both parties can be completely, absofuckinglutely, 120% themselves? & how do those beautiful connections compare with the connections you have with your enemies?

I have come to realize the importance of friendship because I really fucked up a beautiful one through my own idiocy.

Beautiful connections don't happen every day. In fact, I believe they are very rare occurrences. But when one starts placing expectations & restrictions on the other, when possessiveness starts rearing its ugly head...oh man, that's when shit hits the fan!

One of the biggest challenges of being human is overcoming possessiveness. & this is just a play of the ego, which says, 'This person is a priority in my life, so I should damn well be a priority in theirs too!'; as well as the sense of attachment, 'I'm feeling so good with this person, I want this connection to remain this way forever!'

Fuck that shit.

An uncle asked me over the Chinese New Year festivities, 'Why are you not interested in looking for a partner to settle down with? I don't agree with that. I think you need someone to be with, besides, who will take care of you when you are older?'

I was smiling on the outside but on the inside...hmmmmmmmmm!

Forget emotions. Put aside sentimentality. Come to the truth of the matter. What guarantee do you have that the other person will remain with you throughout your life? Not only are they a constantly evolving being, the same applies to you as well! Besides, the person you are now, may not be the person you are next year, or maybe not even tomorrow; are you sure that ten years from now you will love this person the same way you do now?

I digress.

But yeah, I'm not immune to occasional bouts of BS as well.

Friendship is beautiful because it allows love to flow naturally. There is no possessiveness, there is no hoarding. Have you noticed it? If you ask your best friend out for dinner & they say they have other plans, you don't take it personally. But if your partner does the same, oh sweet bejesus...let's not even go there. Hahahahahah! It's a mad world, really.

Ironically, we love people when they are individuals in their own right, but then we try to control & change them to fit into our ideals. Why do we do this?

I saw myself going into this shit hole. But somehow, I could not stop myself. It was like I was driving along the highway & there's a big truck in front of me...& my brakes had malfunctioned. So I kept frantically stepping on the brakes but the car was still cruising along...& then the inevitable KABABOOM! Feck. maybe's this is the answer I've been looking for?

Well. One of the good things that has come out of this is that I have a deeper understanding of what I need to work on, what I don't want in life, & what I am here to do.

A huge part of me still remains deeply saddened that out of a moment's foolishness, I destroyed something that meant so much to me.

This is one of the reasons I always tell people, 'I am not God'. Yes, I teach yoga. Yes, I love philosophy. Yes, I seem happy all the time. But I have my own stuff to work through too. & sometimes I mess things up too. Because I am also still learning.

So don't put me on that pedestal. Don't have any ideas of me. Don't over not under estimate me. Just love me as a friend.

Or maybe it wasn't even real to begin with?

Relationship is a structure, and love is unstructured. So love relates, certainly, but never becomes a relationship. Love is a moment-to-moment process. Remember it. Love is a state of your being, not a relationship. There are loving people and there are unloving people. Unloving people pretend to be loving through the relationship. Loving people need not have any relationship – love is enough.
Be a loving person rather than in a love relationship – because relationships happen one day and disappear another day. They are flowers; in the morning they bloom, by the evening they are gone.
You be a loving person, Mantra.
But people find it very difficult to be a loving person, so they create a relationship – and befool that way that “Now I am a loving person because I am in a relationship.” And the relationship may be just one of monopoly, possessiveness, exclusiveness.
Relationship may be just out of fear, may not have anything to do with love. Relationship may be just a kind of security – financial or something else. The relationship is needed only because love is not there. Relationship is a substitute.
Become alert! Relationship destroys love, destroys the very possibility of its birth.

- Osho -