Friday, February 3, 2017

The End of A Friendship Is Tougher Than The End of Any Relationship.

Recently, I learned an extremely hard lesson on the importance of friendship. & coincidentally it was Friends Day yesterday so I shuffled my blog schedule around to accommodate this post.

Truly, friendship is the highest relationship. & friendliness is the only way to relate to others.

Just observe your connections with the people around you. The relationships you have with your father, your mother, your partner, your colleagues, your neighbours...& lastly, your enemies. Which are the most beautiful connections? Aren't they the ones in which both parties can be completely, absofuckinglutely, 120% themselves? & how do those beautiful connections compare with the connections you have with your enemies?

I have come to realize the importance of friendship because I really fucked up a beautiful one through my own idiocy.

Beautiful connections don't happen every day. In fact, I believe they are very rare occurrences. But when one starts placing expectations & restrictions on the other, when possessiveness starts rearing its ugly head...oh man, that's when shit hits the fan!

One of the biggest challenges of being human is overcoming possessiveness. & this is just a play of the ego, which says, 'This person is a priority in my life, so I should damn well be a priority in theirs too!'; as well as the sense of attachment, 'I'm feeling so good with this person, I want this connection to remain this way forever!'

Fuck that shit.

An uncle asked me over the Chinese New Year festivities, 'Why are you not interested in looking for a partner to settle down with? I don't agree with that. I think you need someone to be with, besides, who will take care of you when you are older?'

I was smiling on the outside but on the inside...hmmmmmmmmm!

Forget emotions. Put aside sentimentality. Come to the truth of the matter. What guarantee do you have that the other person will remain with you throughout your life? Not only are they a constantly evolving being, the same applies to you as well! Besides, the person you are now, may not be the person you are next year, or maybe not even tomorrow; are you sure that ten years from now you will love this person the same way you do now?

I digress.

But yeah, I'm not immune to occasional bouts of BS as well.

Friendship is beautiful because it allows love to flow naturally. There is no possessiveness, there is no hoarding. Have you noticed it? If you ask your best friend out for dinner & they say they have other plans, you don't take it personally. But if your partner does the same, oh sweet bejesus...let's not even go there. Hahahahahah! It's a mad world, really.

Ironically, we love people when they are individuals in their own right, but then we try to control & change them to fit into our ideals. Why do we do this?

I saw myself going into this shit hole. But somehow, I could not stop myself. It was like I was driving along the highway & there's a big truck in front of me...& my brakes had malfunctioned. So I kept frantically stepping on the brakes but the car was still cruising along...& then the inevitable KABABOOM! Feck. maybe's this is the answer I've been looking for?

Well. One of the good things that has come out of this is that I have a deeper understanding of what I need to work on, what I don't want in life, & what I am here to do.

A huge part of me still remains deeply saddened that out of a moment's foolishness, I destroyed something that meant so much to me.

This is one of the reasons I always tell people, 'I am not God'. Yes, I teach yoga. Yes, I love philosophy. Yes, I seem happy all the time. But I have my own stuff to work through too. & sometimes I mess things up too. Because I am also still learning.

So don't put me on that pedestal. Don't have any ideas of me. Don't over not under estimate me. Just love me as a friend.

Or maybe it wasn't even real to begin with?

Relationship is a structure, and love is unstructured. So love relates, certainly, but never becomes a relationship. Love is a moment-to-moment process. Remember it. Love is a state of your being, not a relationship. There are loving people and there are unloving people. Unloving people pretend to be loving through the relationship. Loving people need not have any relationship – love is enough.
Be a loving person rather than in a love relationship – because relationships happen one day and disappear another day. They are flowers; in the morning they bloom, by the evening they are gone.
You be a loving person, Mantra.
But people find it very difficult to be a loving person, so they create a relationship – and befool that way that “Now I am a loving person because I am in a relationship.” And the relationship may be just one of monopoly, possessiveness, exclusiveness.
Relationship may be just out of fear, may not have anything to do with love. Relationship may be just a kind of security – financial or something else. The relationship is needed only because love is not there. Relationship is a substitute.
Become alert! Relationship destroys love, destroys the very possibility of its birth.

- Osho -

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