So! As usual, many, many changes have taken place since I first started blogging, the only thing that remains constant is my constantly evolving self. This time, instead of starting a new blog, I decided to delete all my old posts & start afresh.
Strange, for one who used to be so attached to things. Up to now, I have always been one to be overly-attached to stuff, for example my blog posts. I know I will most probably never ever read them again, but the thought of them not being there used to frighten me somewhat. So illogical, right!
I guess you could say I am only now truly beginning to realize the concept of impermanence, & how we need to let go of the old, to make space for the new. Old blog posts gone...so what? How much of a difference would it have made if they did still exist? Would it make me less of the person I am if they were gone?
The biggest change in the past few weeks (or years, even!) is that I have left my job at the horse racing stables to pursue a life as a yoga teacher. Bloody hell, ten years in the industry; it was a rather scary leap! Like I posted in my other social media accounts:
'If you are grateful, it will give you more. & when you are not getting what you want, you are being pushed in the direction that will get you to where you need to be.'
Truly grateful for the people & animals that have helped me along my journey so far. From the beginning of my working life, I thought I would live & die working in some animal industry or another, but obviously not! It feels surreal & scary at the same time. There is quite a bit of sadness as, unlike the previous times, there is a sense of permanence in this farewell.
Me? In the service industry??? & as a *teacher*??? I would've slapped you back to last Tuesday is you had said that to me three years ago!
I've learned sooo much, especially these past few years. & I now understand the need for struggles & strife. They may not seem to make sense at that time, but eventually, they will. You *will* feel like giving up - many times, in fact. There will be times when it feels like life is the big bully at school who kicked sand in your face & held your head in the toilet bowl. But persevere. Put in the hard work. & enjoy the satisfaction of smiling & looking that bully straight in the eye when you come out tops.
'The meaning of life is to find your purpose. The purpose of life is to give it away.'
- Pablo Picasso -
That thing you do, which fills your heart with joy, regardless of whether you receive compensation or not; that is your calling in this lifetime. Be it the beggar, the lawyer, the doctor, the waitress - each has his/her own role in this world, at any particular moment of time. Each contributes in their own unique way.
& I can never fully express my gratitude that the pieces of my puzzle are coming together beautifully. For all living beings that have played their part in my journey - those who stayed, & those who had to go.
Namaste. The light in me honours the light in you.
I won't lie, there were times when the thought of losing my permanent job & steady income scared the shit out of me. There were days when it took me almost half an hour to scrape myself out of bed. The fear was literally paralyzing; the panic control team in my mind was convinced that everything would work itself out if I just stayed in bed. Thankfully, that was the biggest hurdle I had to leap over during those days. Once I got up & about, I usually ended the day feeling optimistic & excited about the future.
I don't think I'll ever get over the mind-fuckness of it all. It really is amazing how the direction of your life can change, if you are open enough to what life has in store for you. Sometimes, even you yourself won't know what you want from life!
It's like I always say, sometimes we don't know what we want in life, but, through the process of elimination, we find out what we don't want, thus narrowing down the frame of what we do want. The whole process definitely takes a lot longer, but does it not make sense to sacrifice a bit of your time in order to live a life you want, instead of going through the rest of your life wondering 'what if'?
So yeah, I guess I was never really cut out to live & die working in the animal industry. Who knows, maybe I'm not destined to be a yoga teacher till the day I die either! What I do know is that, this is my purpose in life, for now. & I am more than happy to oblige.
On hindsight, I always knew that my purpose in this lifetime is to be of service to the world. I just didn't know how I would go about doing that. There was even a time when I wanted to take up environmental sciences so that I could save the world, even though I was obviously hopeless in the basic sciences, bahahahahah!
Love & gratitude, peoples! <3>3>
Love & gratitude, peoples! <3>3>