Hahah...hahahah...hahahahahahahahah!!!

Freshly back from Rishikesh! Woohoo! It was truly a different experience. People say you either love or hate India - there are no in-betweens; & I knew I would love her even before I stepped foot into the country!

The writing bug has crept up on me again & there's so much to write about yet I don't know where to start, bahahahahah! I've learnt so much!

This has been my very first time spending such a long time in close proximity with others. Being the only child, I've always preferred spending time alone - I need a heckuva lot of Alone Time & personal space, lest I get grumpy & basically turn into Medusa...heheh.

One of the things that I have really experienced is that sometimes it doesn't take much to be alone. In the sense that, we can do whatever the hell we want to do, when we want to, how we choose to. It is only when we add other humans into the equation that the true depth of our spirituality & state of mind is revealed.

'The world is not as it is, it is as we see it.' Therefore, everything serves as a mirror to ourselves. Being alone, it is easy to shrink back into our shells at the slightest feeling of discomfort. But in a social setting, ego, expectation, attachment, etc etc come into play, & again back to the 'mirror concept', these interactions are a test of our true state of mind.

Sure, being alone also has its fair share of struggles - sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to sit alone in silence, enjoying our own company. We do not have the courage to face our inner demons. & it is at these times that we seek out the company of others, to fill the gaps of this seemingly ungodly silence.

Am I making any sense? I realized from a few weeks ago that I was having trouble writing & expressing myself. But now I realize that it is simply because I'm slowly coming to understand the great Tao of life. It is, but it isn't. It cannot be said. Everything has its opposite, yet everything is the same. How to make one understand? Hahahahahah! At the same time, I feel the need to express & share my experiences, & it is hard to write a piece when there are conflicting thoughts in your mind! :P

We can try to make some sense out of this Tao business by saying that situations matter. In this case, if one gets too disturbed by her loneliness, she can choose to escape through social interactions. But then one can say that she has failed to look her inner demons in their eyes. On the other hand, if she starts getting bothered by social interactions, she can choose to withdraw, in which case she is not accepting of herself, seeing as the world is as we see it. What a joke! Hahahahahah!

Obviously I myself am in limbo with this whole social interaction concept. But I don't intend to make any sense out of it. One of my favourite parables I learnt last month is this one:

One night, a man got so drunk that he could not walk. So his friends carried him back to his house, where his mother emerged from the front door to welcome him home.

'You fools! This is not my house! & who is this woman? She's not my mother! I want to go home!'

No amount of coaxing could get the drunkard to see that he really was home!

An old man walking by heard the commotion, & told the drunkard, 'Hey, I know where your house is! Hop onto my bullock cart & I'll take you there!'

The drunkard agreed & jumped onto the cart.

The old man drove the cart around the village, taking 'the scenic route', so to say; & finally stopped at the very same house he first saw the drunkard at, with the very same woman standing at the front door.

'Ah!!! I'm home! That first house was not my house, nor was that lady my mother; but this! This is really my house & my mother! Thank you kind sir!

Similarly, we are all searching for something that is already within us. But we go around searching, searching, searching. Our minds can not & don't want to understand that it is really as simple as just being. To the 'evolved' mind, everything that is worth having has to be achieved through struggle & hardship. That is true to a certain extent. So what to do when the mind refuses to stop working overtime? Then it is the teacher's job to bring the student round the village, until either she gets tired from the journey & realizes that she was already home, or until they reach the same point again & she then realizes ah yes, this is home.

I've been into crystals, metaphysics, religious or spiritual teachings, & a whole lot more. & I'm not saying it's a bad thing to be interested in all these. But at the end of the day, what does it matter? What are we actually trying to obtain from all these?

There are many roads that lead up the same mountain. For me, I've found that the internal matters so much more than the external. I have no control over the external, only the internal. Even crystals or religious figurines/items don't really have power over us unless we choose to give them that power. These external objects merely provide us with a physical item on which we can focus our intentions on. Heck, I've used this method too, still do! Sometimes I am attracted to things for the energy that it symbolizes, but mostly because I just appreciate the artistic qualities of that item. Bahahahah!

But once we recognize our true powers, none of these matter. Our powers of focus on intention & manifestation happen regardless of whether we possess a certain item, pray to a certain god, or perform any ritual.

So how to say that being sociable or unsociable tests the spirit more? Hahahahah!

Strange how this post turned out. Meh. Namaste, I've been round the village a few times, social creature or not, I'm home! Bahahahahahah! :P