We always think that a conversation is about talking, but how often do we ponder the listening aspect of a conversation? That's why the phenomena of one person standing in front of a group of people to give a speech, lecture or workshop is called a 'talk', & not a 'conversation', & why when someone in authority is scolding you, they are 'giving you a talking to' - you have to listen, whether you like it or not, & you have little or no say as to how the whole thing pans out!
A good conversation is a heart to heart connection, where both are truly invested & interested in what the other has to bring to the table.
See, I don't know how it is for the other half of humanity, but for us women, more often than not we know what we need to do to remedy a situation, but we just need to 'talk things out' to release tension.
& during those talks, either one of these two things happen:
1. There is a battle going on between the head & the heart, & as said earlier, we already know what the solution is, but gotdang it sometimes it is bloody hard to accept the truth/reality/bottom line until we actually hear ourselves saying it out loud & then we be like, 'What kind of fuckery is this!'
2. In the process of talking, we naturally come to a solution by ourselves as we go along. For some reason, thinking about the subject over & over again in our minds is literally like walking in circles, but once we talk about it, our brain nonchalantly goes like, 'Oh bloody hell, here's the way out'!
I swear on my grave that both these incidents are too true, & I suspect they won't be coming to an end anytime soon!
I consider the art of listening very closely related to the art of holding space.
This year, what I tried (& am still trying!) to cultivate in myself, as well as seek for & appreciate in people is this ability to hold space. Everyone hits a low point every once in a while, & sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on, no matter how silly or inconsequential the issues at hand is.
At times like that, we need people whom we can trust who will accept us for who we are at that moment in time & not judge us. We need people who have the patience to let us go through the motions & gently guide us towards figuring that shit out.
Yes, of course we can't expect others to always drop everything & be there for us, especially if we are not committed to making any effort to step out of our own bullshit. But once in a while it is nice to know that there are people who care, & are willing to give you a helping hand out of that shit hole.
When we talk about holding space, it also means that 'whatever happens in the space, stays in the space'. See, it's one thing to be a good listener, but to have the integrity to not blab to someone else about the conversation; & not use whatever was talked about nor the speaker's weaknesses against him/her in future...now that's priceless.
That's truly priceless, dear readers.
If you ever find someone who is able to hold space for you, please hold on tight to them. ;) ;) ;)
What about how to be a good listener/'space holder'? Well, long story short, I would say be the person you would need if you were having a rough time.
Alas, herein lies the trick! Most of the time it's a-okey to hold space for a person of the same sex, but what about for someone of the opposite sex? (Note the use of the phrase 'most of the time'!)
A lot of problems start when men & women don't understand how the opposite sex is wired. To make things easier for me (yep, still lazy as shiz!), & for your viewing pleasure, click here for this brilliant video by Mark Gungor: A Tale of Two Brains. Fast forward to 8:26 to watch the part which is most relevant to our topic here today, but the whole video is worth watching & may damn well change your life! Mark's execution of the topic is hilarious!
Have a beautiful Xmas weekend, errbodeh! I'm going caroling tomorrow & in my mind I'm already making up carnatic alternative tunes of the traditional Christmas carols. Bahahahahah!