Thursday, December 1, 2016

A Yogi & Tantrika's Perspective on Loyalty & Devotion.

This past week, the theme of my conversations with fellow sisters seemed to revolve around the aspects of loyalty & devotion. It seems like, as women, we are all struggling to deal with these characteristics of ours, in the sense that they are very inbuilt qualities at come naturally to us, yet at the same time, social conditioning & past experiences stipulate that we should suppress them.

This quote speaks very strongly to me:

Loyalty isn't grey. It's black & white.
You're either loyal completely, or not loyal at all.
& people have to understand this.
You can't be loyal only when it serves you.

Having had my fair share of less-than-ideal relationships, I can safely say that loyalty was always an important aspect for me. & geez did those boys shatter my idea of loyalty.

Or, in layman's terms, 'These hos ain't loyal'...bahahahah!

I mean, of course it would be nice to have someone who isn't running around behind your back, someone you could trust has your best interest at heart, right? But doesn't that have more to do with honesty instead of loyalty?

The yogi in got me thinking, 'In actuality, what is loyalty? Who is there to be loyal to? For what? Who do you owe your loyalty to, & who owes you theirs?'

We come alone into this world, & we will go alone. As much as we have been conditioned to think otherwise, we are completely free & independent beings. Each moment is a choice, whether conscious or unconscious, but still, very much our own choice.

Now the catch: & if I am a completely free & independent being, isn't the other, too?
If so, what right do I have to demand loyalty & allegiance from another?
Would I prefer blind loyalty, minus sincerity? Something that is forced out of formality's sake?

Oh hell naw! Nowadays I'd much prefer it if you give me the real you, any time, any day. Even if it may potentially hurt my feelings, I'd rather have the truth than live in an illusion. What madness I used to live in!

If someone is not happy with me, then why to force him to be with me, knowing full well that he will be happy alone or with someone else? If I love him, would I not be happy to see him happy? Am I loyal to him just because I subconsciously expect loyalty in return?


Now on to the second trait: devotion.

I have never really paid much attention to this word until few days ago when it was sprung upon me during conversation with one of my soul mates. Feck, that woman really gets me, even when I don't get myself!

Definition of devotion

  1. 1a :  religious fervor :  pietyb :  an act of prayer or private worship —usually used in pluralc :  a religious exercise or practice other than the regular corporate worship of a congregation
  2. 2a :  the act of devoting <devotion of time and energy>b :  the fact or state of being ardently dedicated and loyal <her devotion to the cause> <filial devotion>
  3. 3obsolete :  the object of one's devotion


In some ways, devotion seems to be similar to loyalty, but in a softer, more intense, yet fiercer way. Therefore, to me, devotion can never come from the mind. It comes purely from the heart. It doesn't require anything in return; devotion springs from an overflowing of love. Then, the mere act of devotion becomes a joy in itself, even if it is not received by the other.

I feel that we either suppress feelings of devotion in fear of looking a bit too vulnerable, or because we fear rejection or losing out on something. Our idea of a 'strong woman' has changed much throughout the years, so much so that sometimes we even take on very masculine characteristics. Not saying that that is necessarily a bad thing, but why are we forgoing our femininity?

Another thing: we mostly link devotion to God, have you ever wondered why?

Well, frankly speaking, God can never reject you. God is always there, even if you don't pray for one day, he will still be there the next day. He won't blame you for it (at least not in most religions), he won't take revenge on you, he won't slander your name, he won't hurt your ego. & it is easy to devote yourself to a sure thing. But to devote yourself to a human, on the other hand...aha!

You can never know what to expect from another. It is purely their prerogative whether to reciprocate your devotion or not. They can even make a fool out of you if they wish to. It is hard because we are giving a piece of ourselves to another, & we feel like by giving, we are losing. But in actuality, you can never lose when you give. If you are sure of yourself & your love, there comes a point where the actions of the other become irrelevant. You are overflowing with love, & it needs to be expressed. What to do?

The women I've talked to all agree that our past fucks us up. I myself can personally vouch for this. It takes a heckuva lot of inner work to not dump my past experiences on the person in front of me, to see him as a person in his own light. It's a constant battle between 'what I know' & 'what I don't know', & it takes a motherload of awareness & patience with myself to get through the motions. Something that I not necessarily always have at hand. Yes, I have my un-pretty moments too, dear friends!

What I've noticed is that my crazy moments happen when my ego comes into play. 'I am doing ABC, so he must do XYZ, if not then it is not love & I shall make his life a living hell until he does XYZ'. Watafak. Seriously, watafak. Bahahahahah..! It sounds illogical, yet the ego doesn't subscribe to logic, it only wants to build itself up.

So where does one draw the line between devotion &...blind devotion? How do you know which is which?

The answer is: I don't know either!

I always say, there is no one ultimate philosophy. Philosophies can change, depending on the moment. There is no right & wrong. The decisions you make depend on the individuals involved, the current situation, & a myriad of other things which you need to process for yourself. Nobody can tell you exactly what to do.

What I do know is that the only way to find out is to completely submerge yourself into it. Go into it. Explore it. Go bat-shit crazy with sincere & utter devotion. Sooner or later, you will find your answer. But never, never ever leave things unsaid, never leave things undone, never ignore what you feel in your heart. Life is too short to do otherwise, & the what-ifs will fuck you up later on.

The way of Tantra is to be free-flowing & natural. Whatever comes naturally, regardless of rhyme & reason, that is the way to go, the way to be.

By the way, I hear you - 'Aren't Tantra practitioners free-loving people?' (if you get what I mean). Not necessarily. Whether you choose to have multiple relationships or choose to be with just one person, it all depends on you.

So what, if because of your devotion, others think ill of you? So what if you lose material aspects? So what? If you look at the bigger picture, you never really lose anything, in fact when you follow your heart, you gain a whole lot more.

But remember: it is purely your choice to be devoted to another. It has nothing to do with the other person. If the other accepts your madness, then well & good. & if he doesn't, then even better! At least you can now move on with your life instead of wondering what-if, or, worse still, being stuck in a dead-end relationship! & who even knows, maybe you yourself will feel loving towards him today, but not so tomorrow!

There is one rule though: do everything with awareness.
This is what will help you grow.
Awareness will show you what needs work.
It is the starting point of everything.

So yes, lose yourself in your devotion, but do so with awareness.

Reclaim your femininity.
Let it go wild.
Jai Mata Di! <3 <3 <3

P.S. Please note that there is a difference between 'devotion' & 'obsessive stalkerism'...bahahahah!

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