Dear Soulmate...

Dear Soulmate,

I believe in living in the present

But I can't deny that I am also an accumulation of my past.

Although sometimes I wish I could erase it
It has taught me a lot.

Sometimes I wince at the thought of the old-me
I would never wish the her on anyone, much less you.

I hope you understand that although the past may sometimes fuck me up
It has made me the woman I am today.

I have multiple battle wounds & scars

Some put there by others, some self-inflicted.

I know that these have nothing to do with you
Yet more often than not the internal battle is a tough one.

I hope you will forgive me when I sometimes lose these battles
I know it is unfair to you, my beloved.

Believe me when I say
I am constantly working on them.

Some days I am all sunshine & unicorn glitter

Other days I am a dung beetle pushing rhinoceros poop around.

More often than not I'm a tornado
& I will need your quiet wisdom to calm the storm.

I don't want my idea of you

Neither do I want to assume you will remain the same person forever.

I want the you when nobody's watching
The you underneath the layers society has ruthlessly blanketed you with.

I want the real you, at each & every moment

Even if the real you changes over time.

For we are both organic beings
Constantly changing, transforming, evolving.

I will love you so much

If it weren't for your physical size, I'd potentially accidentally squeeze you to death.

I can be extremely forgetful
But you will always be in my heart & on my mind.

I will randomly annoy you, either on purpose or not

& make you wonder how the hell you got yourself into this in the first place.

Despite all this

I will not let you be less of the person you are.

Although I love nothing more than
To stare at you unblinking with eyes of adoration.

I will call your bullshit when I see it.
I will push & shove you if you need it.

I refuse to settle for anything less than the best
Even when it comes to you.

Because if there is only one wish I could make for you
It would be that you never stop growing.

& I hope you will do the same for me too

Even if that means we may one day part ways.