This morning I was having a shower, again mentally condemning the latest shampoo I am using. Since switching to this shampoo, my scalp gets oily very fast. & I've been counting the days to when I can get a new bottle of shampoo.
But today, something clicked within me. There was a voice inside which asked, 'Why you condemn the shampoo woh? Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it is not working for someone else!'
Bloody hell! Can you say, revelation???
Why are we always quick to condemn something when it doesn't benefit us or doesn't live up to our expectations? Instead of saying, 'This brand of shampoo is fucking useless', I could have said, 'This brand of shampoo doesn't suit me.' Right?
Similarly, in our relationships with others, if the other behaves in a way that we don't like, we are quick to pass negative judgement. Especially in our intimate relationships. & yes dear readers, when I talk about relationships, it doesn't only apply to romantic relationships but also family & friends.
Think about it - when was the last time someone close to you behaved in a way which was against your belief system? Or to hit harder - how did you feel when your romantic interest rejected you?
Just because a relationship doesn't work anymore, doesn't mean that it was shit in the first place. On the contrary, I've come to learn that yes, people outgrow each other. & that isn't a bad thing. In fact, one of my favourite phrases is 'life begins after divorce'. Yep, I'm not exactly the best person to seek common relationship advice from! Bahahahah!
But it is the truth though; why to stay in a situation where both are unhappy - I look at you & I feel shitty inside, so I give you shit; you look at me & you are not happy & you give me shit...try to imagine that in its literal sense, with shit all around the room. Who needs a fan when you can throw your own shit around! :P :P :P
The only constant in life is change. This includes people & relationships too. To be able to let go of people & things with love - aha, now that's the challenge! Especially in romantic relationships; heck, even it's a very big challenge for me, sometimes I get very worked up about past grievances, but what to do? It is just another aspect of myself which needs work.
But do you see the irony though? We don't vibe with that person anymore, then we start condemning & finding fault with that person, the one who we previously held so dear to our hearts. Is love such a wavering thing? Is it so dependent on the other?
Well, I have dug deep & found that condemnation first takes root because my ego has been hurt. Ego always thinks 'me me me'. When the other doesn't prioritize us, the ego becomes indignant & fights to maintain its false sense of security, either by creating arguments with the other in an attempt to get them to behave the way we want them to, or by condemning. Make sense?
When people don't fit into our idea we have of them, in our minds we automatically label these people as 'wrongdoers'. But how you know you're not the wrongdoer in someone else's eyes? Anyho, what is wrong & what is right? & who are we all to judge each other?
Just love each other. Love is friendship set on fire. But don't allow that fire to burn the whole bloody house down. Because when 'love' comes into the picture, usually possession starts to take place too. & we try to tame the free, wild being that we fell in love with. Dafuq? Bahahahahah!
To love someone is to allow them the freedom to be completely themselves, whether it suits you or not, whether it hurts your goddamn ego or not. Your ego is your own problem, don't give shit to someone else just because you can't control your own ego! ;)
Close your eyes - remove your preconceptions, your ideas & expectations of each other; & see with your heart.
(Does anyone know who the artist of this beautiful piece is? Please let me know if you do, so I can credit it to him/her.)
Have a great weekend, errbodeh! :*
Another eargasmic song which has been in my playlist these past few weeks: Mumford & Sons, Baaba Maal - There Will Be A Time. Enjoy! <3