I'd forgotten how nice it is to be outdoors, especially at night. & when I say 'outdoors', I don't mean outdoors as in when you go al fresco dining! The last time I'd enjoyed being outdoors without a care in the world was...2 years ago in King's Park, Perth. Man, I have much love for the Aussies; they know how to enjoy the outdoors! I spent the whole of my day off lying on the grass in the sun, listening to music; bahahahahah!
Well this place I recently went to was basically a small running track around a football field. & there were not many people too. Save for the noise from a distant cheerleading session, & a group of guys playing football, the whole scene was relatively quiet. & left to my own devices for the next few hours, with nowhere to go, no commitments, no nothing; homaigot, can you say Introvert Heaven???
One of the greatest joys in life is one we sometimes take for granted - the freedom to move around freely. Well, for those of you who do not relate with this statement, there are women in some parts of the world who have to adhere to strict rules of conduct - from what they wear up to who they socialize with & where they go. Basically they do not really have much say in their life choices.
& here I was, wearing & doing what I want, without a care in the world except randomly wondering if I had missed something by not going to university (answer: nope!). Safety is definitely a concern for me most of the time, so I really loved that for once I did not have to worry about taking care of my stuff, whether there's anyone stalking me, & all that kind of shit.
Although it's been bloody stinking hot in KL the past week, it was quite cool once I had settled down in our spot. Every once in a while there would be a very gentle breeze, the kind which youare only really aware of when you're on holiday by the beach or something, else the busyness of life gets in the way & drags your attention somewhere else.
The breeze brought life to the things around - namely the plant vines & the huge flags above me. Reminded me of the movie Hector & The Search For Happiness, particularly the scene around 1:00:23. Dear reader, you will have to watch it to understand what I am talking about!
I guess you could say it's like getting high without drugs. Every movement, every sound, every sensation gets multiplied. I was literally just watching; the people & how they move, the sky & how pitch black it was, the brightness of the stars drowned out by the floodlights.
Earlier in the day I had compiled a new playlist, so add eargasm on top of everything else & *boom* - Samadhi (bliss).
*Thank you, Baul guruji, for teaching me how to really enjoy the music*
(Image source: Pinterest)
This comic toootally describes me, bahahahahah...I think sometimes introverts make people worried because we look pissed off, unhappy, sad, etc when the truth is, we're perfectly happy just being quiet. Heck, if I get comfortable enough with you, it can sometimes be tough to even talk. Trust me, it's not a bad thing, in fact it's a very good thing.
You see, sometimes words fuck everything up. The value of a moment, the depth of emotion, the profoundness of a situation - at times there can be no words to truly describe them. & in fact, words do a disservice to them.
One of my Facebook pages is named Svadhyaya Yoga, Svadhyaya meaning Self-Study. I've loved this word & concept since I first came to know about it. It is definitely important to know yourself & understand yourself first before you can even attempt to extend the same to others. & some quiet alone time definitely helps with this. Although of late, I've noticed that I've stopped questioning myself a lot. Well, I've always been an over-thinker from childhood, everything I feel very strongly about & the mind keeps going on & on. But now it's like, okey oh, whatever loh...everything is a-okey loh...bahahahahah...perhaps you could say that I'm more easygoing nowadays. So, just sit down, music comes, music goes; just enjoy; that is one of the greatest gifts in life. Heck, everything is the greatest gift if you only knew how to appreciate! It doesn't only have to be materialistic, or something which you can hold in your hand, or even keep forever. In fact, something which is fleeting can be more valuable!
Tantra is not a philosophy, Tantra is absolutely existential. And remember, when I say that Tantra is existential, I don't mean the existentialism of Sartre, Camus, Marcel, and others. That existentialism is again a philosophy, a philosophy of existence, but not the Tantra way. And the difference is vast.
"The existential philosophers in the West have only stumbled upon the negative: anguish, angst, depression, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, meaninglessness, purposelessness – all the negatives. Tantra has stumbled upon all that is beautiful, joyful, blissful. Tantra says: Existence is an orgasm, an eternal orgasm going on and on and on. It is forever and forever an orgasm, an ecstasy.
"They must be moving in different directions. Sartre goes on thinking about existence. Tantra says: Thinking is not the door. It leads nowhere, it is a blind alley; it brings you only to a cul-de-sac. Philosophy is great – if you are just fooling around, then philosophy is great; you can make mountains out of molehills and you can enjoy the trip...
"Philosophy has proved to be the most futile of efforts…but still man continues, knowing perfectly well that it never delivers anything. Why? It goes on promising, but never delivers anything. Then why does man continue with this effort? It is cheap. It does not require any involvement, it is not a commitment. You can sit in your chair and go on thinking. It is a dream. It does not require that you should change in order to see reality.
"That's where courage is needed, adventurous courage is needed. To know the truth, you are moving into the greatest adventure there is. You may be lost, who knows? You may never come back, who knows? Or you may come back utterly changed, and who knows whether it will be for the good or not?"
- Osho, Tantric Transformation -
Since that night, something has clicked within me. I've been creating art for the past few week, mostly abstract acrylics. To check out my work, & other shenanigans, go to my Instagram account @eeleeong.
Funny how something which seems uneventful, a seemingly small matter, can trigger such a huge change. Life never ceases to surprise me. Heck, I keep surprising myself. WTF man.
Grateful for every twist & turn in this plot. What's next? Who the hell knows.
P.S: New word introduced by ma betches - 'galavanting'. Like, dafuq! Hahahahahah! Love dem psycho betches..!