Friday, April 22, 2016

Loving In Totality.

Love is our true essence. Love knows no barriers of caste, religion, race and nationality. We are all beads strung on the same thread of Love.
- Amma -

That's right, dear readers. As you may know, yours truly here has a very soft spot for the topic of love.

What's there not to like about love? It is the basis of everything, & is beautiful in its own sense, just that we humans fuck it up most of the time...bahahahah!

Think about it - in the early throes of love - how much your heart overflows with love for another, so much so that it seems that whatever he/she does will never reduce the amount of love you have for them! & everything about this person is wonderful, even the way they snort when they laugh, or how they always endearingly fail at cracking a joke...

But somehow, after a while, little things start staring you in the eyeballs. The snorting becomes an embarrassment. The uber-fail jokes start getting annoying. Heck, some people even get annoyed because their partner was 'breathing wrong'!

Just what the hell happened? Where did it all go wrong?

First of all, let's look at this analogy:

I was strolling in the gardens of an insane asylum when I met a young man who was reading a philosophy book.

His behavior and his evident good health made him stand out from the other inmates.

I sat down beside him & asked: "What are you doing here?" He looked at me, surprised. But seeing that I was not one of the doctors, he replied: 

"It’s very simple. My father, a brilliant lawyer, wanted me to be like him.
My uncle, who owns a large emporium, hoped I would follow his example.
My mother wanted me to be the image of her beloved father.
My sister always set her husband before me as an example of the successful man.
My brother tried to train me up to be a fine athlete like himself. & the same thing happened at school, with the piano teacher & the English teacher – they were all convinced & determined that they were the best possible example to follow."

“None of them looked at me as one should look at a man, but as if they were looking in a mirror. “So I decided to enter this asylum. At least here I can be myself."

(A story by Kahlil Gibran )


Do we really love & appreciate others for who they are, or do we love them & place our own assumptions, judgments & perceptions on them?

Why do the things that annoy us, annoy us?

Is it because we truly want them to improve their mannerisms so that they can conform to social etiquette? In that case, what is social etiquette, is it always reasonable? If not, then why the hell should anyone even aspire to conform to it? If yes, then another question: who determines the standards of social etiquette? Are you projecting your own idea of social etiquette onto another? & when they refuse to or cannot comply...dissatisfaction begins? Isn't it? :P

If someone does not behave according to your liking, do your feelings towards that person remain the same?

Is it because their way of doing things does not resonate with the way we do things?

To some, success may be a stable 9-5 desk job, stacking up zeros in their bank accounts. To another, it may be living in a small hut, with no thought of how much money is in the bank, just living off the land. Who is to say which is right & which is wrong?

Another important question : are you able to hold space for another, when they are going through rough times?

& by 'holding space', I mean giving the other the time & space that they need to process whatever they are going through, not intruding & trying to fix things & get things moving ASAFP. Yes, it is tough to watch our loved ones go through tough times, but sometimes meddling does not help, & instead worsens the situation.

So again, are you able to hold space for another, when they are going through rough times? Are they allowed 'go away' to sort their stuff out, while being trusted that they may/may not return, & even that doesn't matter?

Dear readers, this is a very grey area we are talking about here. To completely allow another to be themselves, even if it means they may suddenly disappear? Are we able to be that unconditional? I myself have to admit that I am not at that level yet.

Do you see where I am coming from? To love is just to accept & allow someone to be as they are, without any ideas, without creating any boundaries for that person. It is much easier to speak about this theoretically though. On the practical side....meh. It's almost impossible for most of us!

If you observe all the things we questioned earlier, they are all similar in the sense that the mind conjures up ideas of what is 'wrong' & 'right'. When the heart was in command, there was no wrong or right, everything was just beautiful as is. But once the mind came into play...hmmm! Then we start overthinking, overthinking, overthinking & that small aspect of the person becomes such a big issue for us, & suddenly love is gone!

Have you ever wondered why the mind behaves this way though?

Osho - Mind Is Always Afraid

Yes, the mind is always afraid that the heart will take over. After all, where does the ego come from - the mind, yes? & what is the ego - the false sense of 'me', yes? So to love someone is to be able to forgo one's ego & completely surrender to another. There is no thought of 'this person is not doing this because he/she does not love me', '

Now here comes the punchline: no one teaching is ultimate.

Bahahahahah! :P :P :P

These words say it all:

Some say you should go into a relationship with 'no expectations'. I disagree. Why?
Because that concept only works on paper.
You cannot remove from your heart what your heart knows is the level of treatment you need to be happy.
You may be able to ignore it in the beginning; however, over time, if you are not getting what you need, it will begin to eat you up inside.
So I say...
Evaluate your expectations & make sure they are 'reasonable'.
If they are reasonable, embrace them up front or deal with them in the end.

- Mr. Amari Soul -

Sound legit?

You can't force yourself into being unconditional when you know within your heart that you are being sold short. Again, you have to be honest with yourself, above all. 'Is this situation making me happy?' At the end of the day, you are not responsible for the issues/feelings of others, especially if they are not willing/able to work things out to come to a mutual conclusion.

Enough mindfuck for today. Till next time. :)

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