Consuming Food, the Tantric Way.

Many have asked how the heck I managed to put on 10 kgs in the span of four months. Some find it horrendous, others just love it.

I say: So what? Just be happy & enjoy life, that is all.

Me, I really believe in just being happy. Physicality is just a by-product of yoga asana, it should never be the main goal.

When my weight was plummeting, I was miserable. I had no appetite, at most I only had dinner after teaching classes in the evenings. Yet I received a lot of compliments from my female students on my reed-thin figure. Other than that, my joints constantly creaked & my left knee was very susceptible to injury.

When I finally got my head out of my ass, I was constantly hungry, & my meal portions were epic. For the past three months I've been literally gorging on food. & now, the creaking & weakness in my knee - they are no more.

I know it is unfair & irresponsible to say that gorging on food brought my body back to health, that I could have easily taken supplements for my creaking joints & whatnot, but I admit I am no nutritional expert. What I do know is that the body knows best.

So this is what I have been telling my students: Listen to your body.

Yoga asana was designed not only to bring health to the physical body, but also to bring awareness & reestablish the body-mind connection. Why only listen to your body during your asana practice, then ignore it for the rest of the day?

Your body will tell you when it is hungry. It will tell you when to stop eating. It will tell you what kind of nourishment it needs. & I'm going to say it once & for all here: to hell with society's idea of what the perfect body is. Your healthy body weight, your healthy body size, your healthy body proportions...YOU...are unique to you. The girl on the magazine? Probably doesn't look like that in real life. & the people on Instagram? Probably took 148 shots before getting that post-worthy one.

See what I'm getting at?

'But, my body says it wants ice cream & junk food!'

Well, dear friend, listen again. Is it your taste buds speaking, or your body?

But don't take my word for it. Experiment for yourself. Carry on eating whatever your feel like. But take your time when you eat. Observe. Observe how your body feels after you eat. How do certain foods make you feel?

One of my favourite meditations during the Monsoon Festival was an introductory session to the Reminding Yourself of the Forgotten Language of Talking to Your BodyMind. During that time, we took time to specifically & actively thank our physical bodies for working for us. I think this may sound strange to a lot of you, but think about it: have you ever realized how much you take your physical body for granted? Or worse still, not only taking it for granted, but pushing it beyond its limits, to do things that it doesn't want to do, or doesn't enjoy doing?

Although Tantra practices go beyond physicality, it is an essential aspect of the practice.

Well, if you can't feel good in your own body, then what the hell makes you think that you will be comfortable with somebody else? If you can't appreciate your own body, how can you appreciate another's? If you are disconnected from your physical body, how can you connect with another? You have to know your self first before you can even begin to know another.

Even if you are not looking for a partner, then do it for yourself. Contrary to popular belief, Tantra is very much an individual practice. It calls for you to love yourself, in your totality. Love yourself, regardless of what others may think. & you are always responsible for yourself & your happiness - you came into this world by yourself & you will go by yourself; Lord knows who will stay by your side until your dying breath!

So again I will say: take your time when you eat. Don't rush. Observe. Really taste your food. Feel its texture. Observe. Observe. Observe. If you rush, you will not be able to listen to your body, & when it says it has had enough.

On that same note, dear friends, your body will not only tell you what you should & should not eat, but also what activities you should or should not do; but also who is good for you. Again, observe. Does your body tense up around someone? Or do your shoulders start rounding? Do they make your spirit feel lighter or heavier?

These are the ways in which your body will talk to you. It has a heckuva lot to say to you. Are you listening? If not, are you ready to start listening?

Don't you think it's time to stop listening to other people, & start listening to yourself?

Let's end with this Osho excerpt on food intake:

A monk asks a Zen master about his routine after enlightenment. The master replies that I eat when I am hungry and I go to sleep when I am sleepy. The monk says that’s what we also do. The Zen master says “Wait! Think again. Do you eat only when you are hungry?”

We eat every day at one o’clock. We look at the watch; it is one – so then we feel hungry. And the clock may not be right. If somebody says, “That clock has stopped at midnight – it is not functioning. It is only eleven o’clock,” the hunger disappears. This hunger is false; this hunger is just habitual, because the mind creates it, not the body. Mind says, “One o’clock – you are hungry.” You have to be hungry at one o’clock so you are hungry. While hungry, why not meditate a little? – There is no hurry. While hungry just close the eyes and meditate on the hunger, on how the body is feeling. We have lost contact, because our hunger is less bodily, more mental.

Osho Monsoon Festival 2016: Part II, Community.

This week's eargasm is Chikni Chameli.

Do you believe in miracles?

This year, the miracles I have encountered are in the people I have crossed paths with.

The one thing about me that hasn’t changed is that I am still interested in learning about life. Unfortunately I am not interested in how the political situation is in the country, about the scientific explanation of things, about even how the cost of living has changed over the years. I know these matter a lot, but I could never for the life of me even feign interest in these subjects.

I want to know life. Not only through firsthand experience, but also through the eyes of others.

I want to know not only what makes you happy, but also what makes you sad.

I want to know what your inner demons are, & how you overcame them…or are still fighting them.

I want to know you. Not your job, not your responsibilities, not your status in society. You.

& I’m pleased to say that I have met a good number of these people. People who are willing to have heart to heart conversations, who are not afraid of vulnerability, people who have a zest for life.

True, yoga is all about the self, but it is also about how we relate to others. & I admit that there were times when all I needed was a shoulder to lean on while I got back on my feet.

I have found that at times it isn’t all that easy to figure things out by yourself. Sometimes you need to talk things out with others, & either:

a. Just by verbalizing everything & talking it out, you will come to realize the solution by yourself.

Or

b. The exchange of experiences, ideas & thoughts enable you to look at things from a different perspective & come up with the answers to your situation.

Point to note for all men though: Sometimes we women just want to talk things out to express ourselves, although we know damn well what the solution is. Heheh.

I absolutely love those light bulb moments when you are deep in conversation & you hear a completely new idea & you’re like, ‘That so makes sense, why the hell didn’t I think of that???’!

By now you must be wondering, 'Dafuq, this isn't what I came here for!'

Well, dear friends, what can I say. Very lari topic lah (out of topic), but it is hard to compress my experience at the centre into a generic 'been there done that here is my experience' post.

During those five days at the centre, I was the most extroverted & social I have ever been in my life. There were so many amazing people there, people from all walks of life, each with their own special story to tell, experiences to share. & I really believe in the power & mystery of the Universe - the right people will come at the right time.

Admittedly, I almost never participated in any afternoon/evening meditations, because I was more interested in spending time with others. Besides, I've already experienced the meditations during Deep's Teacher Training courses. But the people - aha!

In a sea of people, it's amazing how by sheer serendipity you meet your soul mates. Mindfuck moment.

People in the centre are generally very friendly (sometimes for the wrong reasons, but that happens almost everywhere in the world so your own discretion is needed), you just need to keep an open mind & heart to make a sincere connection with them.

Which is basically the same principle one would use even outside of the centre, right?

You see my predicament, dear reader? To me, life in the centre is the same as outside, so how to write about life in the commune? & how to write about all the small moments which would probably seem insignificant to others, like sharing a piece of chocolate, a cup of chai, walking together? Of course, all these seem insignificant because they happen all the time, but what makes them unique & special are the conversations that happen during these moments!

A lot can happen over a cup of chai!

What I realized is: why should I contain my love for life & connection with others to just those few short days? Life is short & unpredictable, why to have ego or put on airs, or even hold grudges? Why take life so seriously, condemning others, or even being afraid of trying something because of the possibility of rejection? Yes...why to take life so seriously? Even if someone does you 'wrong', just 'Namaste, thank you, goodbye'...what's the big deal?

You can never lose at life - either you get what you want, or you get a lesson how not to get what you want, heheheh...

Maybe I really manifested these people - Friend With Benefits?

Yes, the place is a meditation centre, where people come to look inside themselves through personal practices. But I found myself in others. Through them, I got to know where I am in life, who I really am, & what I am about. Meditation was going on the whole day, just that this type of meditation can never be facilitated by others, it is a completely internal practice. I don't believe in meditating for hours yet going out into the world & being a dickhead. I believe that the real test of one's meditation is in how it affects one's relationships with his/her surroundings.

Just a month has passed, but I have grown heckuva lot because of these people. Whether they know it or not, even just their mere presence in my life has guided (& still is guiding) me back to my path.

I'm sure you know who you are.  & if you don't, just wait for the soppy melancholic messages to flood your inbox soon! :P

Signing off with this mantra:

Om Saha Nau-Avatu

Saha Nau Bhunaktu

Saha Viiryam Karavaavahai

Tejasvi Nau-Adhiitam-Astu Maa Vidvissaavahai

Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih

Om, May God Protect us Both (the Teacher & the Student),

May God Nourish us Both,

May we Work Together with Energy & Vigour,

May our Study be Enlightening & not give rise to Hostility,

Om, Peace, Peace, Peace.

Osho Monsoon Festival 2016: Part 1, Meditation.

It's been three weeks since I've been back from Incredible India. Our trip to Rishikesh wasn't much to shout about - it was overcrowded due to the Shravan Shiva festivities, & the monsoon season was in full swing, so I couldn't spend much time by the river.

Pune, however, was a different story!

Our aim was to attend the Osho Monsoon Festival, an annual event which runs for 5 days. During those 5 days, daily meditation sessions run as usual, but what draws the crowd is the live music events that happen throughout the day. You could say it's sort of like a music festival, only difference is that the main theme of the event is meditation.

Photography is not allowed within the centre, so this is the only decent photo I have to share here!

Meditation sessions start as early as 6am, with the first one always being Dynamic Meditation, one of my favourites. The thing I love about this meditation is the part where you get to do whatever the fuck you like. Basically, you get to release your emotions by tapping into your inner child, & that inner child may either throw the biggest tantrum ever, or cry its heart out, or laugh like crazy. Whatever you feel like doing, without thinking, just do it! Oh, I absolutely loved it!

To some this may seem utterly psychotic, even to the extent of citing demonic possession! & I don't see why not; to the untrained eye, a large auditorium full of people screaming, kicking, wailing, shouting & whatnot can be frightening to say the least.

But before you kick Dynamic Meditation as hogwash, hear me out for a second!

What I love & appreciate about Osho's approach is that he really goes deep down to the real root of the problem. He doesn't beat around the bushes nor trim the branches, he knows the ins & outs of the human psyche & develops formulas to work with it.

According to him, our modern lifestyles have caused so much repression within us, and before we can even begin to meditate, all this inner BS has to be gotten rid of first. In a healthy way & without harming others, of course. Unexpressed emotions not only fuck us up energetically, but if they go on unaddressed, will eventually surface as physical ailments, but because of the limitations society has placed on us, often we are unable to express ourselves the way we want to.

So yeah, damn right this woman got down & dirty with all that kicking & screaming! Years & years of being told to sit still & look pretty, oh to hell with that! :P :P :P

Another favourite of mine is the 10.30am Dance Celebration session. Oh me oh my, if there's anything you could be sure of, it's me, right at the Buddha Grove, 10.30am, on the dot, errday!

I could go on & on about why I love Dance Celebration so much! First of all, the Buddha Grove is a beautiful outdoor location, with marble flooring and giant bamboo & rainforest trees surrounding it. At that time of the morning, the sun is just right (well, to me, at least), not too hot, yet bright enough for you to feel it shining on your skin & high enough for its rays to sneak past the leaves & make you squint.

& nobody is dancing with anybody in particular, in fact everyone is dancing on their own; enjoying their own presence, really being in the moment with themselves!

Bring on the Indian music & voila! I can go on for days!

'But...there are so many people here, what if they start judging the way I dance?'

Meh. Balderdash. Ain't nobody got time for that!

& even if they are looking at you, they are happy for you that you are enjoying yourself, regardless of how you are dancing! I can vouch for that, because I merely balter around aimlessly, yet everyone was so nice to me, bahahahahah!

You're probably thinking the same as what both my parents were: 'Dance as meditation???'

Yep. Consider this: if your mind is working, you cannot dance. You have to really feel the rhythm & be in the moment in order to really dance!

Besides that, Osho's teachings is centred around celebrating life. He doesn't want serious, humdrum sanyasins! Sure, there are people who are enlightened & who sit for days on end without moving. But then there are those who are full on bursting with excitement & gist for life! Life holds a myriad of emotions & experiences, why choose to not live them fully?

Next week, I will write about my non-meditative experiences during the festival! ;)

Until then, enjoy, be happy & keep celebrating life!

If You Are Not Sure What You Want, Ask Yourself What You DON'T Want.

My dear readers.

I don't really know what to write about this week. I started writing a few pieces, but gave up half way because I was not completely feeling them.

It has been a week of ups & downs. I know it has been two weeks since I've been back from India, yet...

Forgive me, my attachment towards that place is too much, I know.

I ain't no saint or guru. I have my own inner work to do.

People always assume that the Tantra path is the easy path. In actuality, the work of any spiritual seeker is the same: to remove attachment. It's just the object of attachment which may differ.

There were so many happy times in India. & I am probably seeing her through rose-coloured glasses because I've only seen a small side of her, but still.

I digress.

Some things can never be explained.

I may not know exactly what I want in life, but I do know a few things which I want, & what I don't want.

Someone asked me just yesterday, 'did you find yourself?' to which I replied, 'there is no one to be found.' But in fact, I did find myself. & I refuse to hide the real me anymore.

Thank you for your patience. I will be back in full writer mode soon, I promise.

Not Knowing Is The Most Beautiful & Frightening Thing.

Yasss, I know, dear friends; I went AWOL for the past two weeks!

Well, a girl's got to take some time off for herself once in a while, right? ;)

This week's theme song is: Badlapur - Jeena Jeena. For the past week since I've been back, I've actually been listening to four much more upbeat songs, but only today been obsessed with this one since being introduced to it by a friend.

Some of you may already know that while I was AWOL, I was back in my 'hometown' of India. Actually, a few minutes ago I had already started writing about my experience there, but I decided fuck that shit, Imma write about what I feel right here right now, & save the travel stories for later.

I can't really put a finger on what I've been going through lately. Wait, actually, I can.

It's the ups & downs of 'not knowing'.

Just after leaving Rishikesh for Pune, I posted this in my social media:

After ten months, here I am again!

Although my beloved Rishikesh is not the same, & the Ganga is much more ferocious than when I first met her, I am learning a lot about myself this trip.

Sometimes you need to remove yourself from your usual environment to check in with yourself as to where you are in life. What is important to you? Who are the people who matter? Are you living the life you want? Are you living *at all*?

One question I always thought I knew the answer to is, 'What do you want to be?' I'm very glad to report that nowadays I'm very sure that I don't know what I want to be. It was a soft voice, but has grown loud & strong. 'I don't know.' It is one of the most beautiful statements in life.

I never would have imagined I would have this life. So how should I know what I want to be, what I should be? All I know is that the Universe has my back, & I'm excited to see what the future holds!

Hair drier, skin two tones darker, feet dirtier, sweaty & sticky in the monsoon weather; yet these are among the happiest days of my life. Words cannot even begin to express how I feel.

Ganga Maaya Ki Jai!

Most of the time, I'm gobsmacked at how my life has turned out. & it continues to stun me what the Universe has planned for me.

However, this 'not knowing' isn't always easy! The ego always wants that false sense of security, of being in control, of knowing not only the final destination but also the route, the possible detours, the weather forecast, ETA, yadda yadda yadda.

Then, 'not knowing' starts becoming a frightening thing.

'What am I going to do?'

'What about my plans?'

'How?'

'Where?'

'When?'

'Who?'

What do I want in life? This question has been making its rounds in my mind more & more since I've been back. Again, sometimes it is easy to say, 'I don't know'. But lately, it's been tough surrendering to the Universe.

This fear is all too familiar. Yet it is a unique & new experience in its own right. Throughout the day it goes from one end of the spectrum to the other. One minute my tears are tears of happiness & gratitude, the next they are of fear & sadness.

I don't know.

I am just observing these things, coming & going. Observing the emotions, observing my clinging to them, observing my letting go of them...

I don't always know what I want in life.

But I do know what I want from life.

I want to travel. I want to see the world. I want to be around people who are roaring mad & have a zest for life. I want to experience life in its entirety. I want to be me, & not have to be apologetic nor ashamed about it.

It would be nice to have someone special to share the journey with. But it is equally wonderful to have the freedom of not being answerable to anyone.

Feck, I don't know. I don't know a shit about anything. Yet I know a few things. That must count for something, right?

Show Me How Badly You Want It.

Today's theme is a blast from the past: 3 Doors Down - If I Could Be Like That.

Do you ever feel like you're running out of time?

That sense of urgency that there is so much more from life you want to experience, & you may not be able to do it all in this life?

Well, I posed this question to my Facebook friends a few weeks ago. & these are their replies:
Yes, all the time.
Every day.
Don't think about it, it will scare the daylights out of you.
Yes.
I don't understand the concept of time. (Bloody good one, if you ask me! Hahahahah!)
Ya...always every day every hour every minute every second.
Yes...but in difficult times it ticks real slow.
Only when I fish at a pay pond. (LMAO best one!)

So it seems that the general consensus is that yes, most of us are experiencing this sense of urgency. But how many of us are really living the life we want to? How many of us are actually doing something about that bucket list?

How often I hear people say they hate their day jobs, yet they've been at it for yonks, not taking any initiative to make a career change. Some people hate their jobs but at least they are actively pursuing the things they love in their free time, that is very commendable, because it is easy to fall into the whole 9 - 5 routine & create all sorts of excuses as to why they don't have the time/energy.

I guess it's sometimes a matter of priorities as well. For example, maybe you really need that day job to pay the bills (fucking hell, real talk right there). One can bitch & moan about how money is the root of all evil, today's society is materialistic, the monetary system is a biatch, yadda yadda yadda; yet the truth is: we need money. So if your day job pays helluva good, & you're willing to put up with it to fund your dreams, then by all means, go for it!

The burning question is: how badly do you want it?

Yes, I think this is the question.

The more deeply we feel about something, the more passionate we are, the more likely we will be to take action. It's this feeling that cannot be explained, a big fire raging within that you just have to go get it, no matter what.

Whatever it is, go get it.

No more excuses.

No more waiting for the right time. There is no such thing as the 'right' time. The right time is now.

No more waiting for the right person. (*rolls eyeballs) You are the right person for yourself & you are your own life partner.

No more procrastinating. No more excuses. Take the first step towards what you want in life. The first step is always the hardest, they say. But it is well worth it.

You never know when will be your last day. Live more. Love fully. Take risks & be silly one too many times (just don't jump in front of a train or play in traffic). Laugh. Forgive. Love.

Now is the time to stop giving a rat's ass about what others think. All that matters is what you think about you. This life is for the living. Your life is for your living, not anyone else's.

Do you. Live the life you love; love the life you live.

Every moment, cut the past & the future. Your past does not define you, don't allow it to hold you back from enjoying the present moment. The future is yet to come, take steps towards it but again don't let worry distract you from the now.

Now. Now is all that matters. What are you going to do today? & by the way, when was the last time you did something new?

You got this. Go live your life!

Shampoo & Relationship Revelations.

Today's eargasm: Armaan Malik - Bol Do Na Zara. I came across this song by chance when SoundCloud automatically started playing it after an Osho talk I was listening to (listen to this chap's beautiful version here). Although I don't understand the language, the music & vibe itself was so beautiful. Love it!

This morning I was having a shower, again mentally condemning the latest shampoo I am using. Since switching to this shampoo, my scalp gets oily very fast. & I've been counting the days to when I can get a new bottle of shampoo.

But today, something clicked within me. There was a voice inside which asked, 'Why you condemn the shampoo woh? Just because it doesn't work for you, doesn't mean it is not working for someone else!'

Bloody hell! Can you say, revelation???

Why are we always quick to condemn something when it doesn't benefit us or doesn't live up to our expectations? Instead of saying, 'This brand of shampoo is fucking useless', I could have said, 'This brand of shampoo doesn't suit me.' Right?

Similarly, in our relationships with others, if the other behaves in a way that we don't like, we are quick to pass negative judgement. Especially in our intimate relationships. & yes dear readers, when I talk about relationships, it doesn't only apply to romantic relationships but also family & friends.

Think about it - when was the last time someone close to you behaved in a way which was against your belief system? Or to hit harder - how did you feel when your romantic interest rejected you?

Just because a relationship doesn't work anymore, doesn't mean that it was shit in the first place. On the contrary, I've come to learn that yes, people outgrow each other. & that isn't a bad thing. In fact, one of my favourite phrases is 'life begins after divorce'. Yep, I'm not exactly the best person to seek common relationship advice from! Bahahahah!

But it is the truth though; why to stay in a situation where both are unhappy - I look at you & I feel shitty inside, so I give you shit; you look at me & you are not happy & you give me shit...try to imagine that in its literal sense, with shit all around the room. Who needs a fan when you can throw your own shit around! :P :P :P

The only constant in life is change. This includes people & relationships too. To be able to let go of people & things with love - aha, now that's the challenge! Especially in romantic relationships; heck, even it's a very big challenge for me, sometimes I get very worked up about past grievances, but what to do? It is just another aspect of myself which needs work.

But do you see the irony though? We don't vibe with that person anymore, then we start condemning & finding fault with that person, the one who we previously held so dear to our hearts. Is love such a wavering thing? Is it so dependent on the other?

Well, I have dug deep & found that condemnation first takes root because my ego has been hurt. Ego always thinks 'me me me'. When the other doesn't prioritize us, the ego becomes indignant & fights to maintain its false sense of security, either by creating arguments with the other in an attempt to get them to behave the way we want them to, or by condemning. Make sense?

When people don't fit into our idea we have of them, in our minds we automatically label these people as 'wrongdoers'. But how you know you're not the wrongdoer in someone else's eyes? Anyho, what is wrong & what is right? & who are we all to judge each other?

Just love each other. Love is friendship set on fire. But don't allow that fire to burn the whole bloody house down. Because when 'love' comes into the picture, usually possession starts to take place too. & we try to tame the free, wild being that we fell in love with. Dafuq? Bahahahahah!

To love someone is to allow them the freedom to be completely themselves, whether it suits you or not, whether it hurts your goddamn ego or not. Your ego is your own problem, don't give shit to someone else just because you can't control your own ego! ;)

Close your eyes - remove your preconceptions, your ideas & expectations of each other; & see with your heart.

(Does anyone know who the artist of this beautiful piece is? Please let me know if you do, so I can credit it to him/her.)

Have a great weekend, errbodeh! :*

Another eargasmic song which has been in my playlist these past few weeks: Mumford & Sons, Baaba Maal - There Will Be A Time. Enjoy! <3

An Introvert's Perfect Idea of Galavanting.

Hold up! So it turns out the introvert in me is still strong!

Well, last Saturday I sibuk babi (busy body) went & invited myself to accompany a friend during his marathon training session (because that's what all the cool people do on Saturday nights, impose their presence onto others' personal space, bahahahah!). So my job was basically to sit around most of the time. Naise! :D

I'd forgotten how nice it is to be outdoors, especially at night. & when I say 'outdoors', I don't mean outdoors as in when you go al fresco dining! The last time I'd enjoyed being outdoors without a care in the world was...2 years ago in King's Park, Perth. Man, I have much love for the Aussies; they know how to enjoy the outdoors! I spent the whole of my day off lying on the grass in the sun, listening to music; bahahahahah!

Well this place I recently went to was basically a small running track around a football field. & there were not many people too. Save for the noise from a distant cheerleading session, & a group of guys playing football, the whole scene was relatively quiet. & left to my own devices for the next few hours, with nowhere to go, no commitments, no nothing; homaigot, can you say Introvert Heaven???

One of the greatest joys in life is one we sometimes take for granted - the freedom to move around freely. Well, for those of you who do not relate with this statement, there are women in some parts of the world who have to adhere to strict rules of conduct - from what they wear up to who they socialize with & where they go. Basically they do not really have much say in their life choices.

& here I was, wearing & doing what I want, without a care in the world except randomly wondering if I had missed something by not going to university (answer: nope!). Safety is definitely a concern for me most of the time, so I really loved that for once I did not have to worry about taking care of my stuff, whether there's anyone stalking me, & all that kind of shit.

Although it's been bloody stinking hot in KL the past week, it was quite cool once I had settled down in our spot. Every once in a while there would be a very gentle breeze, the kind which youare  only really aware of when you're on holiday by the beach or something, else the busyness of life gets in the way & drags your attention somewhere else.

The breeze brought life to the things around - namely the plant vines & the huge flags above me. Reminded me of the movie Hector & The Search For Happiness, particularly the scene around 1:00:23. Dear reader, you will have to watch it to understand what I am talking about!

I guess you could say it's like getting high without drugs. Every movement, every sound, every sensation gets multiplied. I was literally just watching; the people & how they move, the sky & how pitch black it was, the brightness of the stars drowned out by the floodlights.

Earlier in the day I had compiled a new playlist, so add eargasm on top of everything else & *boom* - Samadhi (bliss).

*Thank you, Baul guruji, for teaching me how to really enjoy the music*

(Image source: Pinterest)

This comic toootally describes me, bahahahahah...I think sometimes introverts make people worried because we look pissed off, unhappy, sad, etc when the truth is, we're perfectly happy just being quiet. Heck, if I get comfortable enough with you, it can sometimes be tough to even talk. Trust me, it's not a bad thing, in fact it's a very good thing.

You see, sometimes words fuck everything up. The value of a moment, the depth of emotion, the profoundness of a situation - at times there can be no words to truly describe them. & in fact, words do a disservice to them.

One of my Facebook pages is named Svadhyaya Yoga, Svadhyaya meaning Self-Study. I've loved this word & concept since I first came to know about it. It is definitely important to know yourself & understand yourself first before you can even attempt to extend the same to others. & some quiet alone time definitely helps with this. Although of late, I've noticed that I've stopped questioning myself a lot. Well, I've always been an over-thinker from childhood, everything I feel very strongly about & the mind keeps going on & on. But now it's like, okey oh, whatever loh...everything is a-okey loh...bahahahahah...perhaps you could say that I'm more easygoing nowadays. So, just sit down, music comes, music goes; just enjoy; that is one of the greatest gifts in life. Heck, everything is the greatest gift if you only knew how to appreciate! It doesn't only have to be materialistic, or something which you can hold in your hand, or even keep forever. In fact, something which is fleeting can be more valuable!

Tantra is not a philosophy, Tantra is absolutely existential. And remember, when I say that Tantra is existential, I don't mean the existentialism of Sartre, Camus, Marcel, and others. That existentialism is again a philosophy, a philosophy of existence, but not the Tantra way. And the difference is vast. 

 

"The existential philosophers in the West have only stumbled upon the negative: anguish, angst, depression, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, meaninglessness, purposelessness – all the negatives. Tantra has stumbled upon all that is beautiful, joyful, blissful. Tantra says: Existence is an orgasm, an eternal orgasm going on and on and on. It is forever and forever an orgasm, an ecstasy.

 

"They must be moving in different directions. Sartre goes on thinking about existence. Tantra says: Thinking is not the door. It leads nowhere, it is a blind alley; it brings you only to a cul-de-sac. Philosophy is great – if you are just fooling around, then philosophy is great; you can make mountains out of molehills and you can enjoy the trip... 

 

"Philosophy has proved to be the most futile of efforts…but still man continues, knowing perfectly well that it never delivers anything. Why? It goes on promising, but never delivers anything. Then why does man continue with this effort? It is cheap. It does not require any involvement, it is not a commitment. You can sit in your chair and go on thinking. It is a dream. It does not require that you should change in order to see reality.

 

"That's where courage is needed, adventurous courage is needed. To know the truth, you are moving into the greatest adventure there is. You may be lost, who knows? You may never come back, who knows? Or you may come back utterly changed, and who knows whether it will be for the good or not?"

- Osho, Tantric Transformation -

Since that night, something has clicked within me. I've been creating art for the past few week, mostly abstract acrylics. To check out my work, & other shenanigans, go to my Instagram account @eeleeong.

Funny how something which seems uneventful, a seemingly small matter, can trigger such a huge change. Life never ceases to surprise me. Heck, I keep surprising myself. WTF man.

Grateful for every twist & turn in this plot. What's next? Who the hell knows.

P.S: New word introduced by ma betches - 'galavanting'. Like, dafuq! Hahahahahah! Love dem psycho betches..!