It Is More Than Okey To Not Recover From Savasana. In Fact, It Is Fantastic!

This week I unlocked an achievement - having the most number of people who did not recover from Savasana! Bahahahahah! It was very surprising, considering there was music blaring its lungs out from outside the studio!

I am only now, as I am writing this, realizing that what I intended to talk about today was already covered last week! Dafuq! Change plan, change plan!

As a yoga teacher, I believe in creating a space where everyone can tune into their inner selves & freely express themselves in a healthy way, without fear of being judged, & without the burden of judging others either!  So I would definitely take it as a very big compliment if someone fell asleep in my class! Of course, ideally one is not supposed to fall asleep during Savasana, but how not to, when we are leading such hectic lives in today's modern age? & one of the reasons we come to yoga is to relax, so how not to fall asleep when we are relaxed??? :P

I never had trouble falling asleep - in fact, I think I sleep more than the average person...bahahahahah! When I told Gobuyan I wanted to be the Namaste Otter, he hinted at my spirit animal being a sloth. Meh. Can't really argue with that! All this changed, however, when I had hyperthyroidism a few years back. Before I got diagnosed, I started feeling jittery, nervous & anxious all the time, & during the nights, I could not for the life of me go to sleep. I would lie awake in bed for God-knows how long, tired yet heart palpitating & simply laying there in limbo between the Real World & Lalaland. It had a spiral effect: no sleep = tired = still can't gotdang sleep = more tired-er = bloody hell someone punch me unconscious already! = walking zombie! It was only then that I appreciated the ability to fall asleep. It also really had me experience the phenomenon of how one's emotions & physical body inter-relate.

Basically, hyperthyroidism causes the body to be in a hyped up state all the time, hence the heart palpitations & nervousness etc. This means that the 'off' button was broken, so even when it was time to wind down & relax, I could not, because my hormones wouldn't allow me to! So when the mind & body is not relaxed, how to sleep woh? :(

Thank God I made a full recovery. Yay! & besides that, my hyperthyroidism was the thing that brought me to yoga, so double yay! *confetti in the air!*


I also totally believe in the phenomena of 'sleep debt' - when we do not allocate enough time for sleep during the week, we have to 'pay off' our sleep debt over the weekend by sleeping in or having siestas.

I myself experienced this when I attended the 10-day Vipassana meditation course in Pahang earlier this year. During the first three days, it was a real struggle to stay awake. & I noticed many other students nodding off in the hall too. This was kind of surprising, as I've always considered myself lucky enough to have never held a nine to five job, therefore I never had to struggle with the stresses of common city folk. My job at the horse stables was easy, & considerably short hours, on top of that we worked odd hours, so rush hour traffic was never an issue.

Nevertheless, I still had sleep debt to pay off! However, after I'd paid off my debts, it was impossible to fall asleep during the day, even for a die-hard siesta fan like myself! So I would take walks round the compound, wash clothes (even including the ones which didn't really need washing!), anything to burn off some energy! Hahahahah! Makes me wonder if life back in the day was really that simple!

Looking back, I realize that gadgets, books, & other distractions are also things that can cause sleep debt! It's like, we voluntarily force ourselves to stay awake to 'layan' these things, at the expense of our rest time! Geez! Guilty as charged!

Yes, I am guilty of being too attached to my phone, especially since The Other Half lives in it. It was actually nice to have this 'tech detox' & period of enforced rest - not only from the world & its people but also from my environment. It really showed me how distracted I really am - before Vipassana I was already aware of how uncomfortable I can sometimes get when I have nothing to do - have you ever noticed how fidgety your mind can get, even when eating? Most of the time I can't eat my meal in solitary silence - I am either watching something on YouTube or reading an article!

So, other than learning the Vipassana technique, it was amazing to have those few days all to myself, although half of it was spent thinking about the outside world. :P *smack on the wrist!* Bad meditator! Bad! Bahahahahah!

It made me realize the value of doing nothing. Which, I was already doing from a long time ago, but at the same time, my 'nothing' was just an 'unproductive something' rather than a complete 'nothing'. Make sense?

To really spend time with yourself, getting to know yourself, without any expectations, any distractions, any obligations...how absolutely wonderful!

I prefer not to talk much in my classes, other than giving alignment cues & mentioning quickly the benefits of the poses. & especially in my Yin yoga classes, I like to emphasis at the beginning of the class that my students take the one hour of class to really come back to themselves. 24 hours, 7 days a week, one month, one year, we are listening to others, we are focusing on things outside of ourselves. Would it be unreasonable for us to spend just one hour with ourselves, appreciating our bodies & minds, loving ourselves, learning more about ourselves?

I don't even want my students to listen to me all the time. If a pose doesn't feel right for you, immediately come out of it, or if your body is telling you to move a certain way, then do it, regardless of what else is going on in class at that moment. Just don't be a nuisance to others, & don't start dancing the Macarena. The non-classical Harlem Shake would be acceptable, though. Bahahahahah! 'Do the Harlem Shake!' :P Just kidding..!

So yes, please do come to my class, even if it is just for the Savasnana!

Abhyasa - Practice & All Is Coming.

I enjoy creating non-existent words to express myself - it's 'allowed' in Manglish! - words like nicer-er (so much nicer), or ter-confuse (accidentally confused, hahahahah!), etc. I'm sure the language prudes out there would disagree with my speaking methods, but it's all just for a bit of fun, really. PLUS, sometimes it can really shorten a sentence!

Just a few basic examples of how Manglish can shorten sentences:

Can you or can you not do it?
Can or cannot woh? (This is one of my Aussie friend, Amy's favourites!)

Why are you crying/laughing/singing/doing-whatever-the-hell-you're-doing?
Why woh?

Why do you want me to do this for you?
Why ah?

You see! Saves time & energy! Hahahahahahah!

The other day in class, I unintentionally created a new word. I said, '...feel the spine lengthening & stretchening,' bahahahahahah! This was the first time I'd ever caught myself off guard, & at least the students who got it had a good laugh! Hahahahah! I myself had to struggle to suppress giggles for the next ten minutes, especially since it was a yin yoga class!

Besides the physical aspect of asana, what do you value about your yoga practice?

If I attend a yoga class (as a student), I am prone to laughing for no apparent reason. Yes, don't worry, I think I'm a very strange one too! :P

I feel that sometimes yoga is taken too seriously. You go to a class & everybody's stone-faced from either self-pressure or pressure from the teacher to 'perform' well. Or that might just be their 'inner bliss face', I don't know. Who am I to judge anyways, because I myself have what they call a 'bitchy resting face', hahahahah! :P

But it is quite shocking to me how some people are so serious about their asana practice that they can't even smile or laugh with others! If you can't smile or laugh, how relaxed are you to begin with?

Earlier this year I was recommended to start an Ashtanga practice, so I skipped over to the nearest Mysore centre, not really sure what to expect. & as most of you will know, Asthanga is famous for its ultra-sweaty vinyasa flow, which for me meant lots of chaturangas! *horror face*

I was doing fine in the standing asanas. When it came to the seated asanas, however...hooo! NOW, the laughter begins! In the practice, you have to take a vinyasa between forward bends on either leg (so for example Janu Sirsasana A with right leg bent, then one vinyasa before you go to the pose with left leg bent), & in my mind I was like, 'Homaigot! Teacher, you mad or what, why you do die me, noooooooo! Why you don't say do both sides then only vinyasaaa!'...LMAO! I did not expect to be doing vinyasas that many times!

That was the very first time I was a newbie in a new place, & not taking myself too seriously.

Asana practice can be empowering, yet it can also be a very humbling experience. I personally feel that the challenge in Ashtanga yoga is to accept the totality of yourself: your uniqueness & limitations - the latter being the more difficult to accept. Receiving adjustments & help from the teacher to go into a pose is all well & good, but at the same time we need to honour our bodies too - would it be too much to use a strap or towel to connect the hands in  Marichyasana? Or does it make more sense to have someone pull on your joints & soft tissues to 'help' you into the pose?

I really appreciate what Simon Borg-Olivier's idea about yoga. To him, yoga should get the blood is flowing freely throughout the body, whilst maintaining a normal heart rate. Therefore, if the limbs do not move naturally into a pose, if you need external assistance (in the form of another another person or even your own hand), if you are straining & exerting yourself into a pose, then yoga is not happening, & you may as well just call it 'exercise' instead of 'yoga'.

Dear friends, I'm not condemning any school of yoga. What I am trying to convey is that we need to practice humility & patience on the mat. Cannot bind the arms today - so what? Cannot do 238 chaturagas in a session - so what? Is it more worthwhile to risk your body for a moment's worth of satisfaction?

Me, I just laugh. Hahahahah... :P :P :P

I think sometimes it does annoy some teachers, but I try my best, & if after that I still can't do it, or it is too difficult for me, I ease off the pose a little & try not to laugh.

As Ashtanga founder, Shri K. Pattabhi Jois said, 'Practice, & all is coming.'

& as Deep once said, 'Be sincere, but not serious in your practice.'

Of course, there are times when seriousness has to come into play, but if things already are a certain way, then why put up a fight, why struggle unnecessarily?

To my beloved students, if you sometimes see me laughing in class, I am not laughing at you. I am laughing because I am remembering all the times when I could not do a pose. I am laughing because it makes me happy that you have allowed me to share this space in your yoga journey. I am laughing because I know you are trying your darnest best.

All the better if you start laughing on your own, or join me in laughter!

There is no 'should be' or 'must do' in class...if your mind & body are not up to it, then don't listen to anyone else, not even me.

No one else is responsible for you, except you.

So please come to class to practice sincerely! Bahahahahahah! :D :D :D

& also come to class to feel lengthening & stretchening of your body! Hahahahahah...LMAO!

Be Present With Those 'Around' You.

Sadhguru - Don't Curse The Gadgets.

Is technology really a bad thing?

I know that many people see me liking & posting stuff on Facebook & Instagram throughout the day, & many wonder, 'Does she not have a life outside of social media?'...bahahahahah!

As with all things, I think it depends how you use technology/social media. Are you using it to learn more about the things you are interested in, to reach out to people, to share & grow?

I've had a very hard time discerning between having an 'actual life' & having an 'active social media life'. Yeah sure, there are always comics about children sitting hunched over their gadgets while a beautiful day goes on outdoors, but I have come to see that situations matter.

Now, one has to understand that social media is a way to connect to people. You can get in touch with someone on the other side of the globe with just a few taps on your phone screen. Amazing, no? You may find others who are on your same wavelength, something which you may not have been able to find in your immediate surroundings.

Information is always readily available, connections are always waiting to be built...only if we are open enough to them.

Things start going downhill when too much emphasis is placed on interaction through technology. When you'd rather talk with your friends through Facebook comments instead of across the table. Strange, isn't it; how two people can be sitting across each other yet choose to communicate through a tiny screen which sends signals to a satellite God-knows how far away which then sends the signal back to the other person's phone (who is sitting less than a meter away from the first person, hahahahahah!)...

However! I don't think it is wrong to want to spend time online with your friends & family who are living far away from you. It does not mean that one is sacrificing his/her life that is happening before their eyes, just because they choose to give a part of their day to another person through technology.

I have many friends & dear ones who live miles away. But we still keep in touch with each other, even if not regularly but once in a while.

Why? Why does this happen? One can easily say that we should live in the moment, we should focus on those around us, & all sorts of other philosophical quotes.

But my question to you is: How much do you value this other person? What do they bring to your life that no one else around you can?

You see, dear friends; times have changed. It is not like back in the days of Buddha when your brother had to take 5 weeks to go to the nearest village & you are sitting beside the window looking out into the distance every day, waiting for him to come home...hahahahah...

The very definition of 'those around you' has changed with the revolution of technology.

You can still go around your daily life, just devoting maybe 5, 10 minutes or however much you want to, in communication with your brother who is away from home.

I don't think that wanting to connect to your nearest & dearest is a crime.

Even if it's not your brother, say, your best friend has moved across the country. People will definitely tell you to find a new best friend, one with whom you can actually 'do things' together with.

What if you've searched, & you couldn't find another like them? Does that still make it wrong to reach out to them through technology? Does that mean you should still continue searching, knowing that this person who totally gets you is just right there 'in front' of you (so to say).

Again, don't take my word for it. Priorities. Priorities weigh heavily in this matter, & everybody's priorities are different. It is impossible to find someone whose priorities match ours 110% all the time.

'Those around you' - the definition of this has changed, but the phrase 'be present' has not. Another factor that is important is how present are you when you are using or not using your gadgets. I found this on Facebook a few days ago:

When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life. Drink your tea slowly & reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole world revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is Life.

Similarly, when you choose to devote a piece of your day to someone, give that piece fully. Instead, we are hesitant when cutting the cake, so that the piece is bigger on top & tapers down towards the bottom, because whilst cutting we are continuously second-guessing ourselves, 'No, I'm giving too much, I should cut down a bit', & so instead of cutting straight down, the knife cuts inward a bit; & then when handing the piece of cake over, again second-guessing, & the piece is crumbling to the ground slowly but surely; & what is left when it actually reaches the hands of the other? Only bits & pieces, tiny crumbs.

So much wasted in doubt & over-thinking.

What & who is important to you, right in this moment of time. Everything else is secondary. To hell with the idea that gadgets take you away from 'real life', that gadgets are a distraction, that the Internet is a waste of time! Tell me, what do you do with a book? You read it, don't you? What do you do when you surf the Internet? You can also read, can't you? The only difference is the reading material you choose. The message can be the same, but the medium different.

Of course, you can't have a proper relationship or build a family with someone who lives miles away from you; but that is another story. What I am trying to highlight here is that sometimes we can get techno-phobia. We are so afraid of being sucked into technology & letting life pass us by.

I say, everything in moderation. 'Be present with those around you'. Hahahahahahah!

Coincidentally, a few days ago, teen model Essena O'Neill came out with a lengthy video  (which is no longer available on YouTube because she has deleted her account) on why she is quitting social media: AND! even more recently, Rachel Brathen's TEDxAruba talk was posted on YouTube! So much excitement for one week! So next post will be my opinion on these two very opposing perspectives of social media! Stay tuned!

Celebrate Your Mortality!

Sadhguru Speaks on the importance of Mortality & The Information Age.

A friend passed away over the weekend. He was only 39YO. He was found motionless in the bathroom of his rented unit.

It came as quite a shock, especially because two weeks before that, he had insisted that his family make the trip down to Singapore to celebrate his birthday with him.

It is easy to philosophize & talk about impermanence, de-attachment etc when we are not directly involved in a situation. The real test of our state of mind & beliefs is when things happen to us. Are we able to emotionally de-attach & look at the situation as it is?

Our time as human beings on this earth is limited. Essentially we are all just ships passing in the night. Even when we say 'forever', what does that really mean? 'Forever' is a term that is under-rated in our limited understanding.

Sometimes, I wonder - what are we actually mourning for? Are what we mourning for that person, or for ourselves? Are we sad because of a situation that we ourselves created in our minds?

When we remove our feelings from the equation - what is left?

I've come to realize that, instead of grieving, we should also celebrate a person's life. Yes, celebration can happen even after a person's passing! If you look at our time as human beings as just another level in a video game, you'll get what I mean.

Who ever said that we humans are immortal? We all have it in the backs of our minds that sooner or later, we will have to leave this body & this earth. Whether we return in another form is another matter lah... :P

So yeah, to me, a person's passing can be viewed as a 'level up'. This person has done what he has needed to do, learned what he has needed to learn, & experienced what he has needed to experience in this lifetime. He is ready to move on to other things. Is this not cause for celebration? Would it not be boring if we were all immortal? I mean, it is an interesting concept, but...really? If we all knew that we could eat & do whatever the hell we wanted to, if we knew that we could procrastinate on & on because time will never run out...we won't ever get anything done, there would be no reason to get excited when we wake up every morning!

When we put aside our own feelings, the what-ifs & should-haves - what if I had done this, I should have done that...& look past our own attachments towards this person...what is left?

Mostly we get upset because we miss them. Of course there will be an empty space where they once were. It may take a long time for that space to be filled again. Heck, there are chances that nothing else can replace that empty space. But there are many many things out there to be happy for. This may sound cheesy, but be happy that the both of you crossed paths, even for a short moment in time.

It is always an honour to cross paths with people. Indeed, with humans being gregarious beings, interacting with people is an inevitable thing in life. Time is all we really have to give, so it was a blessing when people cross paths. Be grateful for what you have learned from this person, for the experiences you both shared. These are unique to the both of you.

Deep always says, 'You never know, this may be the last dance!', & I believe that too. People always say that it is dangerous to work with horses. I think so too. But the truth of the matter is, you don't know when your time will be up. Your time can end just at any moment, in the blink of an eye.

& please, take care of each other. Even the ones who seem to be doing great all the time. Because sometimes those are the most 'dangerous' people. They have learnt to hide their sadness & troubles so well that we are sometimes incapable of detecting their true feelings.

Life is too damn short & unpredictable. Do whatever the hell you want to, while you still have time. There is no time for rubbish thoughts & actions. Everything can change in a blink of an eye. Cherish those who matter to you, treat everyone & everything with respect. Be aware of your mortality. Your
time as a human being is so limited, make the best of it.

I was not very close to my friend who passed on, if it came down to it I would regard us as just acquaintances. There was a time when I regularly tumpang-ed his car up & down the country to the races. He was a genuinely nice guy, very humble & always with a smile on his face regardless of his situation. Even his jokes & sarcasm, although could be considered offensive & lewd to some, were never said with ulterior motives, bad intentions or anything other than just a pure sharing of laughter.

This one's for you, brother.

You always used to sing this song in your own made-up language, because you didn't know the lyrics; hahahahah!

Thank you. See you on the other side.

Are You Holding Yourself Back?

This morning I woke up to the quote:

An average American spends $15 a day eating out. That's $450 a month. Include drinks about $600 - $750 a month.

In two months you can buy a ticket anywhere in the world.

You can afford to travel.

You're just too lazy to cook.

Another great read:

What Your Most 'Reasonable' Justifications For Not Doing Things Really Say About Your Self-Growth.

Now I'm not saying that only Americans are guilty of this. This can happen to anyone, anywhere in the world where commercialism exists. It applies to all of us, & not only on food but also clothes, shoes, etc. etc. It's never about not having enough money - it's a matter of priorities. A little amounts to a lot. If you want something, you'll have to give up something else, but you won't consider it a sacrifice. When it comes to success, there is no such thing as sacrifice. You simply do what is needed to make your dreams come true.

You want that dress from H&M?
Walking round the mall, want a juice?
Buying flowers every week to brighten up your room? (Ooops, guilty! Bahahahah!)

Hell yeah, by all means, do whatever your heart desires. But just bear in mind that each expenditure sets you back *that much further* from that bigger dream you have in life.

Please, dear reader, upon reading the above statement, do not create the aversion towards spending on the little things in life. Sometimes you really have to let loose & succumb to instant gratification.

The great Tao of life:

'You are free to choose what you want to do - but you are not free of the consequences of your actions'. But at the same time, 'you only live once' & 'there is no future, no past, only Now'. LMAO!

I think the article in the link says it all:

It isn't uncommon for you to struggle against the internal tide that is trying to turn deep within you in order that you can maintain the illusion of 'knowing what you are doing', feeling or being seen to be 'taking charge' or 'in control'.

And from this place of deep inner resistance and fear, you latch rigidly on to what seems to be perfectly legitimate justifications that you should continue doing whatever it is you've already been doing.

This can sound like any one of all of the following:

• I can't afford it right now.
• I don't have the time.
• It would be best for me to revisit this opportunity next year.
• My kids are too little.
• My parents, partner, or spouse wouldn't approve.
• After x or y happens, it will be a much better time.
• I feel like I need to see what I've got on my own.
• I will come up against too much resistance, judgement, and even rejection if I do.

Any of these sound familiar?

You see, my dear friends...fear manifests itself in many forms. It is one thing to know what you want & what you love in life. But it is another thing to know if you are sabotaging yourself.

We are all capable of great things, & we all deserve to have the things that we deem best for ourselves. But we all come with our own bullshit. Intense past experiences are very much capable of moulding fear into us. & we can go on denying as much as we want to, or polish it over with other distractions; the truth of the matter is that it will never go away if we do not have the guts to look at our fear in the eyeballs.

It is uber easy to be brave from a distance. It is easy to say, 'I want to be the CEO of a company', 'I want to have a fulfilling relationship', 'If I were this sort of person, in this sort of situation, I would do this this this', 'I want to do x, y, z'. It's all the same thing, just different objects of desire. To live in imagination & yearning is often times easier than actually living it.

We go on creating excuses, 'I want to do x, but...*insert 'legit' reason here*'. We keep feeding ourselves the same old story as to why we can't live the way we want to, all along failing to realize that sometimes we are blocking our own path!

Sometimes those excuses can also manifest in the form of laziness, procrastination - I'll do it tomorrow. Yep, guilty as charged! Bahahahahahah!

Even when the perfect opportunity is right in front of us, just like a gift being handed over; we still retract our hands & again the same excuses which all amount to the fear of actually living out one's dreams.

Dafuq? Why would living one's dreams be scary???

Well for starters, it is not called a dream for nothing. Usually a dream is something or some-way that is completely different from what you are experiencing now. It is something out of your grasp, a brand new world so to say. Bottom line: it is beyond your comfort zone.

To go beyond one's comfort zone involves a lot of discomfort (no joke, Captain Obvious!).

Which also means a lot of risk.

Risk means there is a potential for failure.

Failure means loss (material or emotional).

Why would this fear of loss weigh so heavily on our minds?

First of all in today's society we've been conditioned to think that losing is a bad thing. Even in discussion there has to be a win-win situation, hahahahah...

Secondly, the more personal one - past experiences. When I say past experiences, I mean past experiences in which similar opportunities were taken up, but eventually did not work out the way we wanted them to; or, events/second hand experiences that indirectly affect our feelings towards certain things.

Dafuq is this woman talking about!

To simplify things, imagine a situation where you've had the dream of starting your own business. Suddenly, someone comes along & offers to help you to start up your company. But as a child, you witnessed your father's own company crumble to the ground, & how this subsequently affected your familial life.

Fear. It is a very paralyzing emotion. Not always one which is easy to overcome.

To get to the root of our fear, we need to identify the reason(s) & cause(s) behind them. Again, dig down deep. Remove those goddamn roots that have been & are blocking you from living the life you want.

Again - awareness. Never lose the awareness. Question. Question everything, even yourself. In fact, most importantly, yourself.

It is never about external situations or influences. It is what goes on inside that matters.

Even if your business or relationship flops, at least learn something from it, so that you can make better & more conscious choices in the future.

Why did I do the things I did?
What could I have done differently?
What can I do to change my thought & behavioural patterns?

See how this piece went from a seemingly superficial matter to a deeper one?
Things are not always as they seem, my loves. Things are not always as they seem. ;)

The Answers Are Within, Do Not Look Without.

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter & bleed.

- Ernest Hemingway -

LMAO so true!

It's not a matter of wanting to sound God-like & self-righteous. It's not even about wanting to help others. I used to have that mindset about my writing, even now sometimes. But when I further question this feeling, not only about writing, but also teaching, conversing, etc., I find that, nowadays it isn't so much about the wanting to help others anymore.

I write for the pure joy of it. Helping others is just a by-product. At the risk of sounding mean, it doesn't concern me what you do with the information you gather from here. If you resonate with it, & find my personal experiences beneficial towards your life & growth, then good on you; if not, then what am I to do about it?

During one of the philosophy lectures, it was said that in making it our main objective to help others, we are indirectly building up our ego. Now I'm not saying all the Mother Theresas in the world are egoists. No - again it is a very personal matter. Question, always question everything, including your own thoughts & motives. Dig down to the very bottom of everything. Are you doing it for your own enjoyment, regardless of outcome; or are you doing it for the applause? Hahahahah sorry Lady Gaga, ter-copyright kejap! :P :P :P

Something that needs doing, deep within you, requires no outside validation, no external reward - these are secondary compared to the joy that you get from doing what you love best.

& you know you have found something you truly love doing, when the opinions of others do not faze you. If someone says something about your passion that disturbs you, again, question - why am I feeling this way? What has this person's comments reflected on my own feelings about myself & the things I do?

If someone gets worked up because of your actions, & you start getting worked up as well - ask! Not the other person, but yourself! Ask yourself, what is it about this person's feelings towards my actions that make me feel disturbed? Am I truly at peace with my actions & choices?

Another story. This time from Deep.

I was walking & was approached by this man who started berating me & putting down the name of my master, Osho: 'Why do you follow him, he is a playboy, he does this, that, this that...' & on & on. After the man finished, I just looked at him, laughed & said, 'Yes, he is a playboy & this & that...so what? I just love him!'

Bahahahahahah...you get what I'm trying to say, dear readers?

When you are certain of your truth, nothing can disturb you. Even if it initially does, wait for a while, question yourself, repeat process if necessary & then see how you feel. Even if it takes hours or days, do it. Question. It is so important to get down to the root of things. Everything is reflecting something back about yourself. It is never always an easy process. It can be the toughest thing to do. But the results will be so worth it.

Another beautiful thing about this process is that you don't make an enemy of the person whose thoughts & opinions differ from yours. You respect that the other person is merely acting out of their own level of consciousness/awareness, as well as their own unique individual collective experiences. & who is to say who is right or wrong?

I would break my back for the ones I love...

But how many would be willing to push the wheelchair for me after?

I came across this quote on Facebook a few minutes ago & it quite tickled me, because I am prone to wallow in self-pity & think such thoughts...hahahahah...but that again is just the ego at work!

It is not anyone's job to help anybody. It is not even anyone's obligation to 'push your wheelchair' for you after. You are responsible for your own goddamn back & well-being. Even if nobody pushes your wheelchair, are you just going to sit there & rot to death, or use your own arms to get yourself moving?

Better yet, get a motorized wheelchair & travel the world! Woohooo!!!

On the outside, a yogi looks like he/she is just sitting there doing nothing. Even in their actions & interactions, it seems like everything is zip-a-dee-doo-dah for them. I feel like this is possible, but only after a lot of practice. Practice in building awareness & fully accepting oneself. After a while, this process of questioning happens in a mere moment. You get a knack for it. It's okey if initially you are not able to answer your own questions, the very first thing that is needed is the awareness. If you do not know that there is a mango seed planted in your garden, would you water it daily?

On the surface, there seems to be nothing going on. But internally, the struggle can be real. If you are at peace with yourself, you can be at peace with others.

& just to add one more thing to all this mindfuckery - it's okey to be not okey. If all this questioning gets you exasperated, take rest. Rumi had to spin for 3 days straight without stopping, Buddha sat under that tree for 40 days; sometimes great things take time! Hahahahahah! :D :D :D

So don't be discouraged. The answers are always within you.

I Am Who I Am, Not Who You Want Me To Be.

Dear brothers & sisters. Once again I would like to ask of you all - please don't look at me as an enlightened being or healer or what-not.

I don't possess any supernatural powers; so don't put me on a pedestal, no matter how low or high that pedestal is.

Don't harbour any pre-conceptions about me. Just like everybody else, I bleed when cut. Just unlike everybody else, I get diarrhoea when I drink coffee, & I get motion sickness when travelling. I excel in certain areas of life, & of course I don't do well at all in other areas.

I am a student of life, just like anyone else. I just want to share my experiences, be it through social media platforms or daily interactions. I don't want anybody to look up to me or even look at me through rose-coloured glasses.

I don't need anybody looking up to me or looking at me through rose-coloured glasses.

Because at the end of the day, what that does is it fucks up our connectivity. It just plain fucks everything up when after a while you realize that I don't (& most probably can't!) live up to the standard that you have created in your mind for me.

I have my own life, my own share of issues. I have my good days & bad days, & I'm not one who easily puts on masks to hide my truth, especially in front of my nearest & dearest.

I'm not perfect & I don't intend to be.

The cure for infatuation: get to know them better.

- Alain de Botton -

One of the laws of life - the closer you get to someone, the clearer you see them for what they are (which also is a reflection of yourself but that's beside the point here).

So please, don't stand from afar & build up notions about me or tell yourself fairy tales about who & what I am, because when you come closer, you will be sorely disappointed.

In fact, I'd rather you throw me into the mud. Then I will always exceed your expectations of me, easy peasy. Which makes things all the better for everybody.

R. City feat. Adam Levine - Locked Away.

Would you?

David Gray - Other Side.

I know it would be outrageous,

To come on all courageous,

& offer you my hand,

To pull you up onto dry land,

When all I got is sinking sand.

The tricky word, the time it buys,

I'm sick of hearing my own lies.

& love's a raven when it flies.

See you on the other side.

From tomorrow onwards, new posts will be published every Friday (Malaysian time). Namaste.

The Eureka Evolution!

I have been an avid follower of this motivational speaker on social media for about more than a year now, but somehow their videos just slipped off my radar for the past few months. I just continued seeing the images they posted, along with whatever little bits of writings they would include with them.

Today one of their videos appeared in my Facebook news feed, & I thought, hey let me have a look at what this person has to say about things, instead of just listening to Sadhguru, Mooji & what-not all the time. I think it is logical to always question everything, even what a teacher says. To go searching for your own truth, & not just having blind faith.

& the very second that person started talking, I was like, 'Hooomaigottt!!! *horror face*'! It was such a mindfuck moment! Their energy & aura was totally different to what I remembered it to be, it really quite shocked me! Bahahahahah!

The message was good, what they spoke about still resonated with me. But the way it was being delivered. Something about the person itself just didn't feel right to me.

I'm not sure if I'm really turning out to be a Megalomaniac. I sincerely hope not. I appreciate that everybody has their own individual paths & truths, & what is right for me isn't necessarily right for the next person. I hope we all get what we want out of life, & have no regrets on our deathbeds.

& the funny thing is, there were tiny tiny clues that this person inadvertently gave that helped me understand the reason & cause behind everything. But what to do?

Whooooooooa...it can be a heckuva trip when you don't set any expectations on someone - then you see them for who & what they truly are. Images can only be reflected on still water, not moving water. The stiller the water, the more accurate the reflection.

& every moment matters. It was just a few seconds, yet everything happened so quickly & clearly. Every time we have expectations & ideas about people or things, we are already setting an image of them in our minds, which may affect the reality of things.

I still appreciate this person's intentions, but...wow, just...wow. This kind of disturbs me but at the same time it has shown me how I have evolved. Now when I saw evolve, or even grow, it doesn't necessarily mean I am now better than this person. No, in my books evolution is just a fancy word for change. Bahahahahah..!

I had already written another piece but that will be posted later in the week. Enjoy, errrbodeh! :D