Dear friends,

I have relocated my blog here. See you on the other side! ;) ;) ;)

When You Get a Taste of a Real Man, The Rest of the World Never Really Tastes the Same...

Dear friends, today's post is a shout out to all men. I guess being surrounded by mostly women for a whole week made me appreciate male presence even more. I mean, in certain ways I loved the sisterhood, but let's get real here; there are some spaces which only men can fill perfectly.

To all you dirty minded mofos getting all excited, I see you! No, this isn't that kind of blog post! Bahahahahahah!

At the Shakti Fest, one of the things which shocked me to the core is how many women have been sexually abused. I think for me it is one of those things which you acknowledge at the back of your mind the direness of the situation, but it only really hits you when you see it in front of your eyes.

The very moment it hit me, I felt a multitude of emotions. Mostly sadness & anger.

Some of these women seemed to be among the strongest women I know of. They had no airs about them, were always smiley, were holding a job they loved; basically their life seemed well put together. It shocked me & made me realize that everyone has their own problems in life.

I felt sad & angry not only out of empathy, but also, in a strange way, I felt angry at myself for not being able to protect them. I know it sounds silly, but I did & still do.

But that's a story for another day.

Later on, I felt immense gratitude not only to the Universe, but also to all the men I've encountered in my life. I realized that there is so much more to 'being a gentleman' than just holding doors open & dressing well. & it made me think of all the times when a man could have easily taken advantage of me, but chose not to. It made me think of all the times a man did something nice for me, not because he wanted something from me, but just because he wanted to. Indeed, women are physically weaker than men, & they are more than capable of overpowering us if they want to; therefore these things really speaks volumes about a man's character.

From that day on, I decided to make it a point to always give credit where credit is due. I think we are sometimes too quick to condemn & to criticize, but are too damn slow in giving praise & showing appreciation. I'm all for women's rights & empowerment, but at the same time I do not believe in male-bashing. I don't believe in phrases like: 'man up', 'boys don't cry', & especially not 'Hahahah...you lost to a girl?' I don't believe that either one is superior to or 'owes' the other anything. Right action has to come out of a deep-rooted feeling of love & respect for the other, not only as man/woman, but also as unique individual entities - souls.

Funny story: after I said thank you to one of my male friends, & was explaining to him how at the root of it all, my appreciation goes to his mother for raising a gentleman, he jokingly retorted, 'Oh shit, so that means I don't get any credit?' :P :P :P Laugh die me. Hahahahah!

I digress.

Women & men can never be equals; they can never be superior nor inferior to the other; how can they be, when they are essentially different in nature?

The differences in how men & women interpret things, bahahahahah!

Ironically, it is also this difference which sometimes makes it difficult for both sides to relate to each other! The woman wants to talk all (& I mean, all) about her day, while the man just wants to go into his man cave...then the woman starts accusing him that he doesn't love her anymore, & the man is like, 'What did I do???'

I hear you, men: 'So what in the H do you women need from us???'

I came across a Facebook post where women were asked what is the one thing they would like men to know. Here are a few of my favourite answers which may help clear things up a tad:

Women naturally respond to true male energy, when men are being true to themselves, embracing their maleness.. it allows women to embrace their feminine energy...I don't mean cat calling, sidewalk spitting, steroid driven "Guys" .. I mean, eye contact, hand to the small of the back, intellectual respect and strength. So for me... the one thing I want every man to know, understand.. I need you to be a man so I can be a girl. {The reason I think this could change the world is because if people were confident in their natural selves.. there might just be more love, compassion and peace in the world}

Listen to me. I mean, truly listen to what I say. Ask questions if you don't understand what I'm trying to say. Don't just listen to respond but really listen to contribute. And when I'm venting ask me this question: Do you need me to listen, find a solution or beat the shit out of someone? It's generally just listen, but if I know you have my back and a sense of humor, I can be easily diffused.

That men ARE NOT responsible for the way women feel and that women ARE NOT responsible for the way men feel. That an individuals happiness is an inside job and we bring to all relationships what we got going on inside. ha!

& ladies, you need to play your part too!

Let's remove the idea that men are emotion-less bastard pigs who think about sex every 3 seconds. Men are not numb to subtle body language & voice intonations. They are capable of knowing when you are upset, or if something is wrong. & I really believe that they want nothing more than to help make things better, but sometimes may not know how to, or what we as women need. Allow the men in your life to care for you. Being a strong woman does not mean having to adopt masculine qualities as well. You can't not allow men to be men, & then complain that there are no real men left in the world!

If they ask you what's wrong, don't tarik harga lah, aiyohhh! Tarik harga is a Malay phrase which in this case means if he asks you what is wrong, don't say nothing then continue sulking, hoping that he will ask you 108 more times what the hell is wrong before you spill the beans. Basically if he (or anyone, for that matter) asks you what's up, don't play games. Be honest & upfront, & honour the fact that the reason he has asked is because he is genuinely concerned. If every time play tarik harga, eh boring weh! Ain't nobody got time fo dat!

& if the poor man has not realized that something's up, please, for the love of God, don't take it personally; just tell him. Yes, I believe men are capable of noticing when a woman is upset, but at the end of the day, they are just human too.

We can't say we want real men in our lives, yet at the same time not allow them to step up into their roles as men.

Another thing: let's re-learn the art of accepting genuine compliments gracefully. Since when has it become so wrong for someone to express appreciation & awe for another? This post by Scoop Whoop says it all: Even When I Genuinely Compliment A Woman, Why Does Everybody Think I’m Trying To Flirt?

Not saying that you should go forth & accept any damn compliment that comes your way though! Everything is energy, be aware of it. & you will come to know the difference between who is real & sincere, & who is not. ;)

I will end with this beautiful piece by Sofia Sundari, which I deeply resonate with:

I want to say something to all men in my life.

I appreciate your presence in my life so deeply.
I appreciate immensely your ability to show up and say: I am here.
I love your natural instict to protect me, to provide for me.
I love when you look deep into my eyes and I know you really see me.
I accept your care with so much gratitude
I meet your darkness and your pain with never ending softness of my heart.
I receive your shadow, I receive your sadness. I receive you when you close off and hide...
I have no anger, no resentment, no expectation and no demand towards you.
Please forgive me for all the times when I unconsciously made you feel less of a man, when I domesticated you or hurt you...
I pray to never do this again.

I invite you to melt with me, and let yourself be touched by the innocence of the little girl, be held my the mother, be expanded by the glory of the wild woman that I am.

I fall back into your arms and trust that you will catch me even though I was dropped a thousand times. And if I am to be dropped another thousand times... I will still trust.

I want to say something to all men in my life:

I love you.

The End of A Friendship Is Tougher Than The End of Any Relationship.

Recently, I learned an extremely hard lesson on the importance of friendship. & coincidentally it was Friends Day yesterday so I shuffled my blog schedule around to accommodate this post.

Truly, friendship is the highest relationship. & friendliness is the only way to relate to others.

Just observe your connections with the people around you. The relationships you have with your father, your mother, your partner, your colleagues, your neighbours...& lastly, your enemies. Which are the most beautiful connections? Aren't they the ones in which both parties can be completely, absofuckinglutely, 120% themselves? & how do those beautiful connections compare with the connections you have with your enemies?

I have come to realize the importance of friendship because I really fucked up a beautiful one through my own idiocy.

Beautiful connections don't happen every day. In fact, I believe they are very rare occurrences. But when one starts placing expectations & restrictions on the other, when possessiveness starts rearing its ugly head...oh man, that's when shit hits the fan!

One of the biggest challenges of being human is overcoming possessiveness. & this is just a play of the ego, which says, 'This person is a priority in my life, so I should damn well be a priority in theirs too!'; as well as the sense of attachment, 'I'm feeling so good with this person, I want this connection to remain this way forever!'

Fuck that shit.

An uncle asked me over the Chinese New Year festivities, 'Why are you not interested in looking for a partner to settle down with? I don't agree with that. I think you need someone to be with, besides, who will take care of you when you are older?'

I was smiling on the outside but on the inside...hmmmmmmmmm!

Forget emotions. Put aside sentimentality. Come to the truth of the matter. What guarantee do you have that the other person will remain with you throughout your life? Not only are they a constantly evolving being, the same applies to you as well! Besides, the person you are now, may not be the person you are next year, or maybe not even tomorrow; are you sure that ten years from now you will love this person the same way you do now?

I digress.

But yeah, I'm not immune to occasional bouts of BS as well.

Friendship is beautiful because it allows love to flow naturally. There is no possessiveness, there is no hoarding. Have you noticed it? If you ask your best friend out for dinner & they say they have other plans, you don't take it personally. But if your partner does the same, oh sweet bejesus...let's not even go there. Hahahahahah! It's a mad world, really.

Ironically, we love people when they are individuals in their own right, but then we try to control & change them to fit into our ideals. Why do we do this?

I saw myself going into this shit hole. But somehow, I could not stop myself. It was like I was driving along the highway & there's a big truck in front of me...& my brakes had malfunctioned. So I kept frantically stepping on the brakes but the car was still cruising along...& then the inevitable KABABOOM! Feck.

Bahahahahah...so maybe's this is the answer I've been looking for?

Well. One of the good things that has come out of this is that I have a deeper understanding of what I need to work on, what I don't want in life, & what I am here to do.

A huge part of me still remains deeply saddened that out of a moment's foolishness, I destroyed something that meant so much to me.

This is one of the reasons I always tell people, 'I am not God'. Yes, I teach yoga. Yes, I love philosophy. Yes, I seem happy all the time. But I have my own stuff to work through too. & sometimes I mess things up too. Because I am also still learning.

So don't put me on that pedestal. Don't have any ideas of me. Don't over not under estimate me. Just love me as a friend.

Or maybe it wasn't even real to begin with?

Relationship is a structure, and love is unstructured. So love relates, certainly, but never becomes a relationship. Love is a moment-to-moment process. Remember it. Love is a state of your being, not a relationship. There are loving people and there are unloving people. Unloving people pretend to be loving through the relationship. Loving people need not have any relationship – love is enough.

 

Be a loving person rather than in a love relationship – because relationships happen one day and disappear another day. They are flowers; in the morning they bloom, by the evening they are gone.

 

You be a loving person, Mantra.

 

But people find it very difficult to be a loving person, so they create a relationship – and befool that way that “Now I am a loving person because I am in a relationship.” And the relationship may be just one of monopoly, possessiveness, exclusiveness.

 

Relationship may be just out of fear, may not have anything to do with love. Relationship may be just a kind of security – financial or something else. The relationship is needed only because love is not there. Relationship is a substitute.

 

Become alert! Relationship destroys love, destroys the very possibility of its birth.

- Osho -

If Someone Says The 'M' Word Again, Imma Lose My Shit.

What is maturity? Is it the ability to handle situations without getting emotional? Having the understanding of how the world functions? Is it the capacity to accept things 'as is', even though you know it's bullshit?

Well, I've never ever considered myself a mature person, even if people sometimes exclaim, 'Waaah, you so matured one???'...erm...then why do I feel like a stumbling five year old who overdosed on cough syrup?

For most of my life, I've felt like I am just acting out a role, that I'm just pretending to be an adult instead of being an actual adult (whatever the hell 'being an adult' means, bahahahahah!). I don't have a college degree, have never held a 9-5 job, don't know shit about world economics, don't have three & a half babies...the list goes on. & it freaks me out that someday I'd be walking in, say, a shopping complex & someone would just point at me & call me out on my charade. You get what I mean.

When I was younger, I used to look at my elders & think, 'Wow they know everything,' & 'When I get to that age I bet I'd be so damn grown up'. Fast forward yonks later & here I am, not feeling any smarter, & in fact sometimes feeling even more foolish than I was during my younger years. Feck. :P :P :P

But then there are times when I notice how my perspective on things have changed, & how I respond differently towards situations & people. The things which truly matter in life have changed dramatically. Hopeless romantic that I am, even love songs sound different nowadays, & typical romantic movies/books/series rarely catch my fancy. Sometimes it makes me think, damn, this drama of life is getting boring. Does that count as maturity? Hmmm...a bit sien woh, like this...huhuhu...

In my experience, most of the people I consider matured have been through a heckuva lot of bullshit. Some have experienced childhood trauma of some sort, others have at an early age witnessed the death of loved ones, the list goes on. It seems as if life was forcing itself on them so that they would understand it sooner than their peers. But in the end, all these experiences helped mould them into better people. & truly, these people are some of the best people I know of.

I am reminded of this verse from the Bible:

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put aside childish things.

- I Corinthians 13:11 -

I guess just like anything else in life, everyone has their own interpretation of what 'childish' & 'matured' look like. To me, I think being an adult doesn't only mean being able to pay the bills, buying your own shiz & having your own car, own house, etc. You don't have to give up Saturday morning cartoons in order to be a grown up.

I think being matured means knowing yourself well enough to treat others with respect & compassion.

It means being able to set your needs aside for a while when a friend is in need.

It means understanding that things don't always go your way, but that doesn't mean that the Universe isn't working in your favour.

'Adulting' means not taking yourself too seriously.

It means being able to see the wonder in life, while maintaining a clear mind on how potentially brutal the world can be.

To be matured means knowing that life happens, & although you have your life to live, it is necessary to tread lightly & cause the least harm to others.

Sometimes, adulting can get tiring. But I'm sure goats have their fair share of problems too!

Grateful for everything that has transpired in this lifetime.

Yoga: My Saviour.

With everything that has happened the past week or so, I am truly grateful for the blessing of yoga. Of course, things are never always easy, but applying the principles of yoga philosophy have helped tremendously. Situations which would have required hours or even days, weeks, months to resolve, can be settled within minutes, sometimes even few seconds. Amazing.

According to yoga, you are responsible for yourself. Therefore nobody can help you but yourself. As much as we would love someone to always be there for us, at the end of the day, it's every man for himself. & the sooner we come to terms with this, the better.

It's funny how it will soon be a year since I was curled up in a ball on my bedroom floor, crying & shivering with sadness & fear. It was not one of the easiest things to do in life, yet it was one of the most beautiful.

When the realization of utter freedom hits, it hits hard. For me, it was so overwhelming that I literally lost it. The absolute understanding that my worth does not depend on any external factor, that I am absolutely free to do anything I wish to...it was terrifying. Especially when I had lived my whole life up to that point thinking that something else determined who I was, something else bound me to live the life that I am living, etc.

Fast forward to last week, when I participated in the Shakti Festival in New Delhi. Many women commented on how carefree I am, & how they wished they could be like me & dance & laugh all the time.

& each time I told them the same story.

My loves, freedom is easy, but it will not be easy to come to terms with it, simply because we have all been subconsciously told that we are not free beings. & when I say 'free beings', I also mean free from your past, however ugly it may be, free from whatever others think of you, free from whatever restrictions you have put on yourself.

To come to terms with the fact that you are a free being, you will need to put in the necessary work. It requires a lot of self-study, a lot of contemplation, a lot of soul-seeking. Whoever said spiritual work was easy? It will be uncomfortable, there will be a lot of sweat & tears. But it will be worth it, I guarantee you.

Prior to my ball-curling shenanigans, I actually had another meltdown a few years back. However, the one thing which made all the difference this time was my yoga training. Because of this, an event which most would have considered a bad thing, became one of the biggest blessings of my life.

How so?

In yoga we are honing our awareness. We are strengthening the watcher in us. So when emotions arise, we are able to be with them, yet not identify with them. & from this space of awareness, we are able to process everything from a neutral standpoint.

So, when you get sad & cry, cry to your heart's content. But once the urge to cry is gone, pick yourself up & get on with life. Cry, so what? How long can you cry? How long can you stay in that mindset? Everything that goes up must come down, & it is the same with life; there will be good times & bad times - be with each moment in totality, with complete awareness, but don't prolong it unnecessarily. & another important thing: don't beat yourself up over anything.

So. When I felt like crying, I bawled my eyes out, hugged my knees & shivered as much as I needed to. But when the feeling passed, I just lay there in awe of what just transpired, in shock of the freedom that was in front of me. & when even that quiet time passed, I picked myself up & got on with life.

The same goes with happiness too. I'm also asked, 'How can I stay happy all the time?' My dear, good times come & go as well. The thing is how you manage your 'down times'. When you are angry or sad, do you simply throw your anger & sadness at others? Or do you have enough awareness to manage your emotions in a healthy way? So I really am not happy all the time. I just am very selective how & with whom I share my down times & other emotions with. I'm sure those of you who know me well enough, or who have been following my writings, know that I do not play coy when it comes to expressing any emotion, experience or opinion, even though it may not suit everyone all the time.

By the way, big shout out to those who have been strong enough to hold space for me. Love you all to the moon & back.

Even madness comes & goes. Bahahahahah!

Coincidentally, Madhu Sudan Baba-ji gave a similar parable about happiness. He said life is like a passing day, morning & night come & go, similarly feelings come & go too. If one understands this, one understands life. & one does not cling to happiness nor any other emotion.

Kya bhat, Baba-ji. Jai ho.

Even the desire to be happy all the time is a desire, a clinging, an attachment! Which, to me is the challenge of being a Tantrika. Yes, Tantra seems to be an easy way, full of over-indulgence & enjoyment. But the same work towards detachment is still there. Indeed, any situation which we enter into with awareness is spiritual & self-growth work.

Have a great weekend, dear friends. <3 <3 <3

Dick Is Everywhere. Connection Isn't.

Phew.

The past week was a heckuva ride! A whole lot of revelations cropped up, some which turned my world upside down, others which only reinforced my beliefs towards certain issues.

One of which is the topic of sexual intimacy.

'Down boy, down!' I know what you're thinking, you nasty mofos! Hahahahah!

Sexual intimacy. Actually, I don't really like using these words together. I feel that it is possible to share a sexual experience with another, minus the intimacy. & it is very much possible to be intimate with someone, without any sexual acts being involved.

As always, it all boils down to intention.

& please ah, I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with either one of these situations. If two people have a mutual agreement that they are in a relationship based purely on physical sex, minus the intimacy & all the other trimmings that come with it, then go ahead, enjoy! The essential thing is that both parties are honest to each other as to what their intentions & expectations are.

Non-sexual intimacy, on the other hand, is a meeting of two souls. Yes, you can be intimate just by holding hands, by sitting close to each other, yadda yadda yadda. But the form of intimacy I am talking about here is when both are emotionally, mentally & spiritually open to each other.

If you are at total ease with another, with neither of you judging the other; if you can speak openly without fear of being ridiculed or brushed aside; if you can tell them your deepest darkest fears & dreams; if you can crack lame ass jokes yang tak jadi (failed jokes) & still have a good laugh about it........to me, this is intimacy. Heck, even just sitting silently together can be one of the highest forms of intimacy!

Yep. Especially in this day & age where most of us are living in densely populated areas, you just have to go to your local shopping mall & will probably see a few people you would consider attractive enough to bonk! :P

On the other hand, when two beings are on the same mental, emotional & spiritual level, & are both loving to each other...now that's where the magic begins, my darlings. ;)

& if you find someone with whom you can be both physically & non-physically intimate with...homaigot, jackpot, Baba!

Now here comes the tricky part, & what most people fail to understand about Tantra.

The sexual aspect of Tantra is there because sexual energy is the very basis of all creation. It is from your father & mother's sexual energy which you came into being (oh good Lord, a bit too harsh there!). Therefore, we are all ultimately sexual beings.

What makes all the difference is when one goes into sexuality with awareness. In that meeting of two souls where even the physical bodies start to fade away, & there comes a point where even the act of sex itself is forgotten, & your own soul becomes so alive, when you are looking at the other with utter love & devotion...

It is then that sexual energy has become transformed.

It is then that sex becomes a divine prayer.

P.S: Just came across this good read: Ordinary Sex VS Tantric Sex. Pretty much explains everything. :)

Go forth & be sexual, my lovelies! :D :D :D

Nein, Mother Fucker, Nein!!!

First of all...THEY KILLED POUSSEY, THE BASTARDS!!!

Like, homaiphuckinggott!!!

She was my Woman Crush in Orange Is The New Black, & I would have gone lesbo for her!!! Dayum, son!!!

Poussey Washington, when asked 'What is love?'.

I can't imagine how it would be like to lose someone all of a sudden. I mean, yes, of course one can never know until one personally experiences something, but man, even the thought of it makes me feel like I've half lost my mind.

I guess that's one of the reasons I've never been good at goodbyes. You know, like, even the everyday 'bye, see you later' kind of goodbyes. The ones where you part ways, knowing at the back of your mind that you'll see them in a few hours' time. Or the ones before you hang up the phone.

Fair enough, some people hug when they meet & part, which in my opinion makes things slightly easier. Probably because I'm not always the best talker, & I defo believe that there are times when it is better to let energy do the talking.

But goodbyes over the phone though...wooo...that's one hurdle I have yet to jump over.

Like, what do you say before hanging up the phone..? Most of the things that we say are more often than not the typical echo-ed phrases:

'I miss you/Miss you too'
'I love you/Love you too'
'Take care/You too'

It feels a bit cliched, but at the same time, in a way, I'm afraid to say those words, even though I know it may be the last time I would ever get to say them. Sometimes I don't want to hang up, & the thought that this could be the last time I ever get to talk to that person paralyzes me, even in those few seconds. Maybe I'm too proud to say them. Or maybe...I take for granted that the other person already knows how much I care about them, & how much they matter to me.

Long story short, I don't do goodbyes well. & sometimes it is easier to put on the Funny Mask rather than get all sappy. May sound ridiculous, but I'm working on it.

Okey, I'm back to mourning the death of Poussey now. Oh good sweet Lord, WHY.

Every Good Conversation Begins With A Good Listener.

When I first read the above words, I was mind-fucked. So much truth, in less than ten words!

We always think that a conversation is about talking, but how often do we ponder the listening aspect of a conversation? That's why the phenomena of one person standing in front of a group of people to give a speech, lecture or workshop is called a 'talk', & not a 'conversation', & why when someone in authority is scolding you, they are 'giving you a talking to' - you have to listen, whether you like it or not, & you have little or no say as to how the whole thing pans out!

A good conversation is a heart to heart connection, where both are truly invested & interested in what the other has to bring to the table.

See, I don't know how it is for the other half of humanity, but for us women, more often than not we know what we need to do to remedy a situation, but we just need to 'talk things out' to release tension.

& during those talks, either one of these two things happen:

1. There is a battle going on between the head & the heart, & as said earlier, we already know what the solution is, but gotdang it sometimes it is bloody hard to accept the truth/reality/bottom line until we actually hear ourselves saying it out loud & then we be like, 'What kind of fuckery is this!'

2. In the process of talking, we naturally come to a solution by ourselves as we go along. For some reason, thinking about the subject over & over again in our minds is literally like walking in circles, but once we talk about it, our brain nonchalantly goes like, 'Oh bloody hell, here's the way out'!

I swear on my grave that both these incidents are too true, & I suspect they won't be coming to an end anytime soon!

I consider the art of listening very closely related to the art of holding space.

This year, what I tried (& am still trying!) to cultivate in myself, as well as seek for & appreciate in people is this ability to hold space. Everyone hits a low point every once in a while, & sometimes we need a shoulder to lean on, no matter how silly or inconsequential the issues at hand is.

At times like that, we need people whom we can trust who will accept us for who we are at that moment in time & not judge us. We need people who have the patience to let us go through the motions & gently guide us towards figuring that shit out.

Yes, of course we can't expect others to always drop everything & be there for us, especially if we are not committed to making any effort to step out of our own bullshit. But once in a while it is nice to know that there are people who care, & are willing to give you a helping hand out of that shit hole.

When we talk about holding space, it also means that 'whatever happens in the space, stays in the space'. See, it's one thing to be a good listener, but to have the integrity to not blab to someone else about the conversation; & not use whatever was talked about nor the speaker's weaknesses against him/her in future...now that's priceless.

That's truly priceless, dear readers.

If you ever find someone who is able to hold space for you, please hold on tight to them. ;) ;) ;)

What about how to be a good listener/'space holder'? Well, long story short, I would say be the person you would need if you were having a rough time.

Alas, herein lies the trick! Most of the time it's a-okey to hold space for a person of the same sex, but what about for someone of the opposite sex? (Note the use of the phrase 'most of the time'!)

A lot of problems start when men & women don't understand how the opposite sex is wired. To make things easier for me (yep, still lazy as shiz!), & for your viewing pleasure, click here for this brilliant video by Mark Gungor: A Tale of Two Brains. Fast forward to 8:26 to watch the part which is most relevant to our topic here today, but the whole video is worth watching & may damn well change your life! Mark's execution of the topic is hilarious!

Have a beautiful Xmas weekend, errbodeh! I'm going caroling tomorrow & in my mind I'm already making up carnatic alternative tunes of the traditional Christmas carols. Bahahahahah!

Love & The Ego of the Self.

Love is one of the simplest things in life.

How many of you will agree with what I just said?

If you say you want to go & fight with someone, everybody gets worked up & most are eager to fight with you.
If you say you are in love with someone of a different race/religion/whatever-the-fuck-it-is, everybody gets upset even to the point of disowning you or even turning you into an outcast in society.

People are not allowed to be violent in public, but at the same time if two people are loving towards each other, then that is also not allowed! Especially if they are of the same gender, or 'different' from what society denotes 'normal' to be.

If you love somebody, & that somebody loves you back; then marriage is a must, regardless of whether the two of you want it or not; otherwise you will both be 'living in sin'.

If you love somebody, you must do ABC for them, & they, in return for your oh-so-endearing & universally-encompassing love, must do XYZ for you. Even if they do not like it.

If you love somebody, & that somebody doesn't love you back, you devise all sorts of tactics to make their life a living hell. 'If I can never have you, nobody else can have you.'



Dafuq, yaar.



Listen, buddy.

Love is God. Not the other way around.

You can never confine it to a religion, a race, a place, an object.

If two people are in love with each other, then what is the problem! The problem is actually you who are watching with wrong eyes & mind, not them!

Whatever people decide to do in their personal lives is completely up to them. Marriage is only a formality, a way of letting people know that, 'hey we love each other, we would like to share our happiness with you, let's eat drink & be merry'; not 'we are bound for life & don't you motherfuckas dare try anything funny with my husband/wife ever again or I'll dig out your eyeballs'!

& since we're on that subject, what kind of godly power would be so crazy as to say, 'Yes, okey if you have this piece of paper/this ring on your finger/this chain around your neck you can be loving to each other, you can fuck each other, you can live together; if not then I'm sorry but you cannot'???

One more thing I absolutely love, perfectly said by Louis CK:

'Nuff said!

Lastly. Not an easy one, but one of the most important ones.

If you love somebody, really love somebody; you will wish for their happiness & greater good.

Even if they love somebody else.

That doesn't mean that you have to sit by the sidelines & wallow in your personal mud pit of self-pity your entire life.

Hell no, by all means; go, live your life, be happy yourself! One person is gone, 10 more will come, who gives a shit! Why make your own life a living hell? For what? Out of some sick masochism??? What are you trying to prove to yourself?

If you love somebody, but their character/behaviour/way of showing love is not according to what you think should be........wait for it........who the hell are you to say what is the right & wrong way of showing love? If you love someone, you just love them for who they are. Whether they prioritize you or not, how much they choose to prioritize you, is completely up to them. (Bear in mind also that everyone has different capacities as to how much energy they are able to give to others)

Ponder this: do you love them for who they are, & do you accept that even if they do love you from the bottom of their hearts, their life does not revolve around you?

& the 'if I can't have you, nobody else can' mindset, oh dayummm that's the mother of all WTFs...why fuck up the other person's life? It goes against the whole essence of love, & you dare claim that you love???

*speechless*

One of the joys of being human is being able to experience love.

But one of the biggest lessons of being human is to learn to differentiate between love & ego.

Dear Soulmate...

Dear Soulmate,

I believe in living in the present

But I can't deny that I am also an accumulation of my past.

Although sometimes I wish I could erase it
It has taught me a lot.

Sometimes I wince at the thought of the old-me
I would never wish the her on anyone, much less you.

I hope you understand that although the past may sometimes fuck me up
It has made me the woman I am today.

I have multiple battle wounds & scars

Some put there by others, some self-inflicted.

I know that these have nothing to do with you
Yet more often than not the internal battle is a tough one.

I hope you will forgive me when I sometimes lose these battles
I know it is unfair to you, my beloved.

Believe me when I say
I am constantly working on them.

Some days I am all sunshine & unicorn glitter

Other days I am a dung beetle pushing rhinoceros poop around.

More often than not I'm a tornado
& I will need your quiet wisdom to calm the storm.

I don't want my idea of you

Neither do I want to assume you will remain the same person forever.

I want the you when nobody's watching
The you underneath the layers society has ruthlessly blanketed you with.

I want the real you, at each & every moment

Even if the real you changes over time.

For we are both organic beings
Constantly changing, transforming, evolving.

I will love you so much

If it weren't for your physical size, I'd potentially accidentally squeeze you to death.

I can be extremely forgetful
But you will always be in my heart & on my mind.

I will randomly annoy you, either on purpose or not

& make you wonder how the hell you got yourself into this in the first place.

Despite all this

I will not let you be less of the person you are.

Although I love nothing more than
To stare at you unblinking with eyes of adoration.

I will call your bullshit when I see it.
I will push & shove you if you need it.

I refuse to settle for anything less than the best
Even when it comes to you.

Because if there is only one wish I could make for you
It would be that you never stop growing.

& I hope you will do the same for me too

Even if that means we may one day part ways.

A Yogi & Tantrika's Perspective on Loyalty & Devotion.

This past week, the theme of my conversations with fellow sisters seemed to revolve around the aspects of loyalty & devotion. It seems like, as women, we are all struggling to deal with these characteristics of ours, in the sense that they are very inbuilt qualities at come naturally to us, yet at the same time, social conditioning & past experiences stipulate that we should suppress them.

This quote speaks very strongly to me:

Loyalty isn't grey. It's black & white.

You're either loyal completely, or not loyal at all.

& people have to understand this.

You can't be loyal only when it serves you.

Having had my fair share of less-than-ideal relationships, I can safely say that loyalty was always an important aspect for me. & geez did those boys shatter my idea of loyalty.

Or, in layman's terms, 'These hos ain't loyal'...bahahahah!

(http://whatdoumeme.com/meme/e5ovh4)

I mean, of course it would be nice to have someone who isn't running around behind your back, someone you could trust has your best interest at heart, right? But doesn't that have more to do with honesty instead of loyalty?

The yogi in got me thinking, 'In actuality, what is loyalty? Who is there to be loyal to? For what? Who do you owe your loyalty to, & who owes you theirs?'

We come alone into this world, & we will go alone. As much as we have been conditioned to think otherwise, we are completely free & independent beings. Each moment is a choice, whether conscious or unconscious, but still, very much our own choice.

Now the catch: & if I am a completely free & independent being, isn't the other, too?
If so, what right do I have to demand loyalty & allegiance from another?
Would I prefer blind loyalty, minus sincerity? Something that is forced out of formality's sake?

Oh hell naw! Nowadays I'd much prefer it if you give me the real you, any time, any day. Even if it may potentially hurt my feelings, I'd rather have the truth than live in an illusion. What madness I used to live in!

If someone is not happy with me, then why to force him to be with me, knowing full well that he will be happy alone or with someone else? If I love him, would I not be happy to see him happy? Am I loyal to him just because I subconsciously expect loyalty in return?

Hmmm.

Now on to the second trait: devotion.

I have never really paid much attention to this word until few days ago when it was sprung upon me during conversation with one of my soul mates. Feck, that woman really gets me, even when I don't get myself!

Definition of devotion

1. 1a :  religious fervor :  pietyb :  an act of prayer or private worship —usually used in pluralc :  a religious exercise or practice other than the regular corporate worship of a congregation
2. 2a :  the act of devoting <devotion of time and energy>b :  the fact or state of being ardently dedicated and loyal <her devotion to the cause> <filial devotion>
3. 3obsolete :  the object of one's devotion

(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/devotion)

In some ways, devotion seems to be similar to loyalty, but in a softer, more intense, yet fiercer way. Therefore, to me, devotion can never come from the mind. It comes purely from the heart. It doesn't require anything in return; devotion springs from an overflowing of love. Then, the mere act of devotion becomes a joy in itself, even if it is not received by the other.

I feel that we either suppress feelings of devotion in fear of looking a bit too vulnerable, or because we fear rejection or losing out on something. Our idea of a 'strong woman' has changed much throughout the years, so much so that sometimes we even take on very masculine characteristics. Not saying that that is necessarily a bad thing, but why are we forgoing our femininity?

Another thing: we mostly link devotion to God, have you ever wondered why?

Well, frankly speaking, God can never reject you. God is always there, even if you don't pray for one day, he will still be there the next day. He won't blame you for it (at least not in most religions), he won't take revenge on you, he won't slander your name, he won't hurt your ego. & it is easy to devote yourself to a sure thing. But to devote yourself to a human, on the other hand...aha!

You can never know what to expect from another. It is purely their prerogative whether to reciprocate your devotion or not. They can even make a fool out of you if they wish to. It is hard because we are giving a piece of ourselves to another, & we feel like by giving, we are losing. But in actuality, you can never lose when you give. If you are sure of yourself & your love, there comes a point where the actions of the other become irrelevant. You are overflowing with love, & it needs to be expressed. What to do?

The women I've talked to all agree that our past fucks us up. I myself can personally vouch for this. It takes a heckuva lot of inner work to not dump my past experiences on the person in front of me, to see him as a person in his own light. It's a constant battle between 'what I know' & 'what I don't know', & it takes a motherload of awareness & patience with myself to get through the motions. Something that I not necessarily always have at hand. Yes, I have my un-pretty moments too, dear friends!

What I've noticed is that my crazy moments happen when my ego comes into play. 'I am doing ABC, so he must do XYZ, if not then it is not love & I shall make his life a living hell until he does XYZ'. Watafak. Seriously, watafak. Bahahahahah..! It sounds illogical, yet the ego doesn't subscribe to logic, it only wants to build itself up.

So where does one draw the line between devotion &...blind devotion? How do you know which is which?

The answer is: I don't know either!

I always say, there is no one ultimate philosophy. Philosophies can change, depending on the moment. There is no right & wrong. The decisions you make depend on the individuals involved, the current situation, & a myriad of other things which you need to process for yourself. Nobody can tell you exactly what to do.

What I do know is that the only way to find out is to completely submerge yourself into it. Go into it. Explore it. Go bat-shit crazy with sincere & utter devotion. Sooner or later, you will find your answer. But never, never ever leave things unsaid, never leave things undone, never ignore what you feel in your heart. Life is too short to do otherwise, & the what-ifs will fuck you up later on.

The way of Tantra is to be free-flowing & natural. Whatever comes naturally, regardless of rhyme & reason, that is the way to go, the way to be.

By the way, I hear you - 'Aren't Tantra practitioners free-loving people?' (if you get what I mean). Not necessarily. Whether you choose to have multiple relationships or choose to be with just one person, it all depends on you.

So what, if because of your devotion, others think ill of you? So what if you lose material aspects? So what? If you look at the bigger picture, you never really lose anything, in fact when you follow your heart, you gain a whole lot more.

But remember: it is purely your choice to be devoted to another. It has nothing to do with the other person. If the other accepts your madness, then well & good. & if he doesn't, then even better! At least you can now move on with your life instead of wondering what-if, or, worse still, being stuck in a dead-end relationship! & who even knows, maybe you yourself will feel loving towards him today, but not so tomorrow!

There is one rule though: do everything with awareness.
This is what will help you grow.
Awareness will show you what needs work.
It is the starting point of everything.

So yes, lose yourself in your devotion, but do so with awareness.

Reclaim your femininity.
Let it go wild.
Jai Mata Di! <3 <3 <3


P.S. Please note that there is a difference between 'devotion' & 'obsessive stalkerism'...bahahahah!

Are You Ready For The Love You Deserve?

A few weeks ago, I did a short interview for My Fairy Park on my yoga journey & was asked if I could share one philosophical concept with the viewers. I was like, mouth agape for a few seconds, like, one??? Seriously bro, just one??? How lah, macha!

In the end, I decided to go with the concept of self-love, because it was one of the philosophies which drastically transformed my life. I never thought of myself as a masochist, but in hindsight, I realized I was a multiple offender, especially when it came to my significant other(s).

This post is for both men & women, but I can only speak from a woman's point of view, & I acknowledge that some men would resonate with what I am about to write about, either personally or with the women in their lives.

I feel that sometimes we can give too much. Yes, we women are nurturers & caregivers, sometimes to a fault. Sometimes we think too much about the other, & forget ourselves in the process. We care too much, we sacrifice too much, and somewhere along the way, we lose ourselves. & for me, that was always where everything started going wrong.

(Image from www.askideas.com)

I've come to learn that loving somebody doesn't mean putting up with their BS all the time.

Yes, dear friends, there will definitely be times where there needs to be some tolerance, acceptance, understanding, as well as give & take. But how much is too much? When the other person doesn't own up to their shit, doesn't take responsibility, creates more drama just to avoid having to make a positive change (either for themselves as an individual or for both parties), then it is definitely up to you to make the call: Am I happy with this person? Is this situation helping me grow? How would my life be with/without this person in it?

When you love yourself, it sets the tone to all your other relationships, because then you know what you want & what you don't want; what makes you feel good, what doesn't; what makes you happy, what doesn't. This then gives you the power to decide on things. & when shit starts stirring up, you can then either decide 'Yes I can deal with this,' or 'No I don't deserve this, kthxbai'.

Please take note, dear friends...I don't mean for you to completely disregard the feelings & well-being of the other. But when shit hits the fan, I'm sorry but it's every man for himself. You can try working things out. But at the end of the day, you can't force someone to change, especially if the other doesn't see an issue with their behaviour. & this applies in any relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial. It doesn't mean you or the other is a bad person, it just means that you don't vibe, period. (Further explained here: Relationship & Shampoo Revelations)

Beloveds, the beauty of self-love is that when you love yourself, you also start accepting yourself in your totality. It doesn't really matter what others think of you. & to know without a doubt that you & only you alone are responsible for your life, my God...it's terrifying yet liberating at the same time. The first few times I came face to face with this freedom, I would literally curl up in a ball on my bedroom floor, whole body shivering. (My personal account on the subject here: Life Is A Solo Trip With A One Way Ticket)

(www.memecenter.com)

When you love yourself, you start relaxing into life. & that's where the flowering starts. Life becomes an enjoyment, a beautiful song. You may not notice it, but your whole energetic body changes. The way you stand, the way you move, the way you interact with those around you...everything changes. ;) ;) ;)

& guess what this all equates to?

   Self-love

+ Self-acceptance

- People you don't vibe with

- Situations which are detrimental for you

+ Responsibility for your life

= Space for the things and people which are good for you.

Surprise!

Are you ready for the love your deserve?
The longest relationship you will be in is the one you have with yourself - let it be a relationship full of love!

Are you ready for the life you deserve?
You only have this one precious life - why not now, why not today, why wait for tomorrow? For whom, for what?

Ek zindagi - tum kaise jioge?
(One life - how you going to live it?)

Happy Thursday, errbodeh!

Consuming Food, the Tantric Way.

Many have asked how the heck I managed to put on 10 kgs in the span of four months. Some find it horrendous, others just love it.

I say: So what? Just be happy & enjoy life, that is all.

Me, I really believe in just being happy. Physicality is just a by-product of yoga asana, it should never be the main goal.

When my weight was plummeting, I was miserable. I had no appetite, at most I only had dinner after teaching classes in the evenings. Yet I received a lot of compliments from my female students on my reed-thin figure. Other than that, my joints constantly creaked & my left knee was very susceptible to injury.

When I finally got my head out of my ass, I was constantly hungry, & my meal portions were epic. For the past three months I've been literally gorging on food. & now, the creaking & weakness in my knee - they are no more.

I know it is unfair & irresponsible to say that gorging on food brought my body back to health, that I could have easily taken supplements for my creaking joints & whatnot, but I admit I am no nutritional expert. What I do know is that the body knows best.

So this is what I have been telling my students: Listen to your body.

Yoga asana was designed not only to bring health to the physical body, but also to bring awareness & reestablish the body-mind connection. Why only listen to your body during your asana practice, then ignore it for the rest of the day?

Your body will tell you when it is hungry. It will tell you when to stop eating. It will tell you what kind of nourishment it needs. & I'm going to say it once & for all here: to hell with society's idea of what the perfect body is. Your healthy body weight, your healthy body size, your healthy body proportions...YOU...are unique to you. The girl on the magazine? Probably doesn't look like that in real life. & the people on Instagram? Probably took 148 shots before getting that post-worthy one.

See what I'm getting at?

'But, my body says it wants ice cream & junk food!'

Well, dear friend, listen again. Is it your taste buds speaking, or your body?

But don't take my word for it. Experiment for yourself. Carry on eating whatever your feel like. But take your time when you eat. Observe. Observe how your body feels after you eat. How do certain foods make you feel?

One of my favourite meditations during the Monsoon Festival was an introductory session to the Reminding Yourself of the Forgotten Language of Talking to Your BodyMind. During that time, we took time to specifically & actively thank our physical bodies for working for us. I think this may sound strange to a lot of you, but think about it: have you ever realized how much you take your physical body for granted? Or worse still, not only taking it for granted, but pushing it beyond its limits, to do things that it doesn't want to do, or doesn't enjoy doing?

Although Tantra practices go beyond physicality, it is an essential aspect of the practice.

Well, if you can't feel good in your own body, then what the hell makes you think that you will be comfortable with somebody else? If you can't appreciate your own body, how can you appreciate another's? If you are disconnected from your physical body, how can you connect with another? You have to know your self first before you can even begin to know another.

Even if you are not looking for a partner, then do it for yourself. Contrary to popular belief, Tantra is very much an individual practice. It calls for you to love yourself, in your totality. Love yourself, regardless of what others may think. & you are always responsible for yourself & your happiness - you came into this world by yourself & you will go by yourself; Lord knows who will stay by your side until your dying breath!

So again I will say: take your time when you eat. Don't rush. Observe. Really taste your food. Feel its texture. Observe. Observe. Observe. If you rush, you will not be able to listen to your body, & when it says it has had enough.

On that same note, dear friends, your body will not only tell you what you should & should not eat, but also what activities you should or should not do; but also who is good for you. Again, observe. Does your body tense up around someone? Or do your shoulders start rounding? Do they make your spirit feel lighter or heavier?

These are the ways in which your body will talk to you. It has a heckuva lot to say to you. Are you listening? If not, are you ready to start listening?

Don't you think it's time to stop listening to other people, & start listening to yourself?

Let's end with this Osho excerpt on food intake:

A monk asks a Zen master about his routine after enlightenment. The master replies that I eat when I am hungry and I go to sleep when I am sleepy. The monk says that’s what we also do. The Zen master says “Wait! Think again. Do you eat only when you are hungry?”

We eat every day at one o’clock. We look at the watch; it is one – so then we feel hungry. And the clock may not be right. If somebody says, “That clock has stopped at midnight – it is not functioning. It is only eleven o’clock,” the hunger disappears. This hunger is false; this hunger is just habitual, because the mind creates it, not the body. Mind says, “One o’clock – you are hungry.” You have to be hungry at one o’clock so you are hungry. While hungry, why not meditate a little? – There is no hurry. While hungry just close the eyes and meditate on the hunger, on how the body is feeling. We have lost contact, because our hunger is less bodily, more mental.

Osho Monsoon Festival 2016: Part II, Community.

This week's eargasm is Chikni Chameli.

Do you believe in miracles?

This year, the miracles I have encountered are in the people I have crossed paths with.

The one thing about me that hasn’t changed is that I am still interested in learning about life. Unfortunately I am not interested in how the political situation is in the country, about the scientific explanation of things, about even how the cost of living has changed over the years. I know these matter a lot, but I could never for the life of me even feign interest in these subjects.

I want to know life. Not only through firsthand experience, but also through the eyes of others.

I want to know not only what makes you happy, but also what makes you sad.

I want to know what your inner demons are, & how you overcame them…or are still fighting them.

I want to know you. Not your job, not your responsibilities, not your status in society. You.

& I’m pleased to say that I have met a good number of these people. People who are willing to have heart to heart conversations, who are not afraid of vulnerability, people who have a zest for life.

True, yoga is all about the self, but it is also about how we relate to others. & I admit that there were times when all I needed was a shoulder to lean on while I got back on my feet.

I have found that at times it isn’t all that easy to figure things out by yourself. Sometimes you need to talk things out with others, & either:

a. Just by verbalizing everything & talking it out, you will come to realize the solution by yourself.

Or

b. The exchange of experiences, ideas & thoughts enable you to look at things from a different perspective & come up with the answers to your situation.

Point to note for all men though: Sometimes we women just want to talk things out to express ourselves, although we know damn well what the solution is. Heheh.

I absolutely love those light bulb moments when you are deep in conversation & you hear a completely new idea & you’re like, ‘That so makes sense, why the hell didn’t I think of that???’!

By now you must be wondering, 'Dafuq, this isn't what I came here for!'

Well, dear friends, what can I say. Very lari topic lah (out of topic), but it is hard to compress my experience at the centre into a generic 'been there done that here is my experience' post.

During those five days at the centre, I was the most extroverted & social I have ever been in my life. There were so many amazing people there, people from all walks of life, each with their own special story to tell, experiences to share. & I really believe in the power & mystery of the Universe - the right people will come at the right time.

Admittedly, I almost never participated in any afternoon/evening meditations, because I was more interested in spending time with others. Besides, I've already experienced the meditations during Deep's Teacher Training courses. But the people - aha!

In a sea of people, it's amazing how by sheer serendipity you meet your soul mates. Mindfuck moment.

People in the centre are generally very friendly (sometimes for the wrong reasons, but that happens almost everywhere in the world so your own discretion is needed), you just need to keep an open mind & heart to make a sincere connection with them.

Which is basically the same principle one would use even outside of the centre, right?

You see my predicament, dear reader? To me, life in the centre is the same as outside, so how to write about life in the commune? & how to write about all the small moments which would probably seem insignificant to others, like sharing a piece of chocolate, a cup of chai, walking together? Of course, all these seem insignificant because they happen all the time, but what makes them unique & special are the conversations that happen during these moments!

A lot can happen over a cup of chai!

What I realized is: why should I contain my love for life & connection with others to just those few short days? Life is short & unpredictable, why to have ego or put on airs, or even hold grudges? Why take life so seriously, condemning others, or even being afraid of trying something because of the possibility of rejection? Yes...why to take life so seriously? Even if someone does you 'wrong', just 'Namaste, thank you, goodbye'...what's the big deal?

You can never lose at life - either you get what you want, or you get a lesson how not to get what you want, heheheh...

Maybe I really manifested these people - Friend With Benefits?

Yes, the place is a meditation centre, where people come to look inside themselves through personal practices. But I found myself in others. Through them, I got to know where I am in life, who I really am, & what I am about. Meditation was going on the whole day, just that this type of meditation can never be facilitated by others, it is a completely internal practice. I don't believe in meditating for hours yet going out into the world & being a dickhead. I believe that the real test of one's meditation is in how it affects one's relationships with his/her surroundings.

Just a month has passed, but I have grown heckuva lot because of these people. Whether they know it or not, even just their mere presence in my life has guided (& still is guiding) me back to my path.

I'm sure you know who you are.  & if you don't, just wait for the soppy melancholic messages to flood your inbox soon! :P

Signing off with this mantra:

Om Saha Nau-Avatu

Saha Nau Bhunaktu

Saha Viiryam Karavaavahai

Tejasvi Nau-Adhiitam-Astu Maa Vidvissaavahai

Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih

Om, May God Protect us Both (the Teacher & the Student),

May God Nourish us Both,

May we Work Together with Energy & Vigour,

May our Study be Enlightening & not give rise to Hostility,

Om, Peace, Peace, Peace.