The Pink Peony Pony.

The Pursuit Of Happiness.

2010-11-16T02:27:00.000-08:00

Back in Perth, I am trying to figure out how to set up a blog to earn monies but being 50% computer illiterate have still not gotten my head around it yet. So I am a bit sad to say that there won't be anymore posts here until I relocate to another site.

Again I'll have to use that over-used phrase:

WATCH THIS SPACE!

Take care & God bless!

The Doctor Is In!

2010-10-31T22:52:00.000-07:00

The city of Geraldton is living up to her name! It is the second windiest city in the world, thus the name The Windy City.

They even have a name for the wind - The Doctor! I have yet to find out why though. Heck, it's a blessing I even had the motivation to write this post, I've been such a slacker these past few months!

I've been joking with my friends that life in the city is too relaxing, I can feel my brain cells dying one by one!

For us there is no real 'life outside the workplace', maybe just a spot of touristy activity but nothing more. The reality of it all is that I am very fed up of 'clever' use of photography & unfulfilled 'promises' by the sponsors/advertisers. Heck, if they can produce an actual website promoting Mount Magnet that looks substantial & interesting enough, nothing is impossible!

There is a lighthouse nearby which is listed as one of the attractions of Geraldton, & it looked absolutely charming in the website photograph - a dainty red & white stripped lighthouse sticking out of the sand & shrubs. What's a girl to do? I bugged the other half to take me there.

What we got instead was peeling paint & a rusty fence seperating (AND ruining a close-up photo opportunity!) us & the building by about 50 metres. Talk about disappointment!

That photo must have been taken like, eons ago!

Yesterday was The Blessing of The Fleet, where people bring their boats to the local wharf to be blessed by the local Catholic priest. Website looked interesting - a sword-swallower, show bags (quote: 'just like the Royal Show!'), a 5 metre high slide (quote: not for the faint of heart!) & a bouncy castle.

This time however I'd already gotten very skeptical about all this so I went with...a skeptical heart??? There were so few people there, the showbags must have been leftovers from The Royal Show or local chocolate/candy companies. All in all it was quite disappointing, probably a fault on my part as well because of my first encounter with 'show bag's at the Royal Show with Gossip Girl, Family Guy, Simpsons etc. bags! Ah, well!

Tomorrow is Melbourne Cup day...'the race that stops a nation'...oOoOoh! With AUD6 million at stake, there's little wonder why! I only bet on horses that I adore, like the previous Malaysian horse Jeram Flame or Brendon's Pure Edition; & I suppose that is one of my bigger faults because most of the horses I have a connection with are big sooks (an Aussie slang I learnt, it means something like manja!) & would probably be among the first to be eaten by carnivores in the wild! I haven't been studying the Cup race form but out of 'sentiment' I hope that Bart Cumming's horse So You Think will win because of his recent ill health but then again he has already had so many Melbourne Cup winners I have lost count! My second choice would be one of Gai Waterhouse's, just because she's a lady trainer. Girl power! Yes I am a superficial horse person. Muahahahahahah...

Well, with everyone cashing in on Cup Day - beauty salons having mani/pedi offers, boutiques displaying their fair share of dresses & a public holiday, yes, a public holiday for everyone to dress to the nines & go watch the races, I don't feel all that superficial! The racing way of life & mentality here differs so much from back home where everyone is in the business to earn money. Here it is purely for the sport of it, & the racetrack is also a place to socialize, so even people who know shit about horses will be willing to spend a day at the races, & place bets on horses just for fun. Everyone has a nice day out having a few drinks & catching up in between races.

On the Western scene we have Dellorto with 5 rides in The Windy City. Hope he does well & sneaks in a winner or two! Hahahahah...

Ellie @ FlashForward from Brendon's stable will be running in the fourth race at Bunbury. I have put AUD5 each way on her, at the time of bet she was the favourite at AUD3.50 for a win. Brendon said she was going very well & she is out of the famous Bearcat so here's hoping! The underdogs must return victorious!!!

Oh no, I'm a gambler!

You Live, You Learn...

2010-10-10T03:18:00.000-07:00

Oh no, no win for us today! Dellorto was on Danarazi trained by Malcolm McKenzie. He started off at the back of the pack but through the home turn started gaining ground, until he dropped his whip up the straight. Goddamnit! Tie a rubberband around it, Malaysian style!

Anyway, you learn something new everyday huh?

From my un-trained eye & un-informed brain, he rode pretty well & confident, could have well won the race if not for that unfortunate incident. Good on ya Palagasam! Hahahahah...

He should be flying down to Perth in a few minutes, the apprentices' ball is tomorrow night. Then we will be leaving for Geraldton Tuesday morning. Adventure beckons!

Oh. No. I seem to have morphed into a silky or something! This has got to stop! Okey, no more after this, until his first win! Very proud of him, but! (You have to put the 'but' at the end of the sentence, seems to be an Aussie thing!)

& yes, I am flying there apparently! How we will pay it off is beneath me but we'll work something out! I just hope it isn't too small an aircraft & there isn't too much turbulence. Geraldton is the second windiest place in the world it seems...so much for my plans for a new hairstyle!

Also, apologies: yesterday's race meeting was at Moora, not Moorah as previously stated!

Now I'm Leaking Life Faster Than I'm Leaking Blood...

2010-10-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

Good morning everybody!

I thought I'd better start writing again today lest I procrastinate again & don't get to it EVER!

Well this has been happening so far:

Perth in July, then back to Ipoh early September for cousin Ginny's wedding (congratulasi couz!). Two weeks later in Perth again, staying at Amy's for another 2 weeks before I head up to Geraldton to join Blackie.

Speaking of. I'll have to stop calling him Blackie, seriously!

So.

Two weeks before I go join Dellorto in Geraldton - he's been transfered from Neville's to Murray Sharp's stables for three months because the Geraldton racing season starts soon (read: TODAY!).

He's had two rides so far, one in Kalgoorlie about a month ago & the second in Moorah yesterday. One more in Geraldton today at 3-ish. Will have to go to the TAB later to watch, I haven't watched him ride yet because I was in KL during the Kalgoorlie one & in Albany yesterday.

Procrastination really kills my writing, I never take advantage of that moment I really have the urge to write & when that feeling is lost, everything goes with it!

So I won't get into the nitty gritty details today, but let's just say the previous Perth excursion must have been my Level 2 training in appreciating & understanding people!

Learn to appreciate the people who actually give a shit.
Learn not to take too seriously people who don't give a shit.
Learn to be more tolerant & take things as they come.

A lot of learning about non-horsie related things! Phwoar! That was certainly not in the plan but something that was more than overdue I think! There is a higher power at work!

My two weeks in Perth is almost up, the most-est exciting-est thing was a 'long but short' trip down to Albany to pick up Brayden from Amy's sister Vanessa's place. It was abso-freakin-lutely beautiful & at times felt like I was in Ireland or something. Not that I've ever been there but that's what I imagine Ireland would be like...hahahah...

I feel it's going to be another adventure this coming week, the apprentice ball is tomorrow (begone, facial imperfections! Gaaah!!!), new home with new surroundings & stables...ah...hope it will all be good. But if Albany was good I suppose Geraldton would be too!

Oh yeah birthday celebrations! It was a very very quiet one this year, didn't even tell Brendon & Co., but the day before Amy, Joey & I had gone to Fremantle for the day & visited The Blue Buddha, a spiritual shop; where I bought a turqoise Namaste scroll & a Tara goddess caught my eye. It was very beautiful & in white stone or something. I wouldn't dare wager what it is made of but it is white. At first I didn't want to get it because it cost about AUD25 so I thought I'd leave it to fate - if I came back in November & it is still there I'd get it? So we went walking around & lo & behold! We were back at The Blue Buddha so I went in & got it.

I think this is the beginning of my spiritual collection I've been wanting to start. So excited! I am thankful that I have a tolerant, understanding partner (Well, at this point of time at least, hope he stays that way! Hahahahah!).

I have derailed from my birthday story! It was a very quiet one where I woke up at 3.20am forgetting that it was my birthday, until somewhat quarterway through trackwork & even then I didn't tell anyone, I don't know why maybe I just didn't feel like people making a big fuss over it. A few days later I told Dave & he in turn told Brendon...strike one! Brendon said we all should go out for dinner but I said I'd wanted to have an Aussie barbie...still haven't gotten back to him on that matter! Hahahahah...

Good news for people who love bad news!

The following weekend Dellorto flew down to Perth & to cut a long story short we are now engaged! We went to the Royal Perth Show on the same day & it was a very nice day out, weather was lovely & there were many new things to do & see, of course it costs quite a bit too! I only wore it to the Show & took it off on Monday before going to the stables because I didn't want to lose it or something stupid. So I thought Brendon didn't know either, but at the end of the day he asked me, 'did anything exciting happen over the weekend?'...strike two! Oh no!!!

I felt so bad! Hahahahahah...but I didn't want to tell anyone because it wasn't official yet, as in we hadn't told the parentals etc. yet...but still!

The next day Amy asked Dellorto, 'what did you get Ee Lee for her birthday?'

'Oh nothing, I forgot!'

Bless his soul...I suppose...geez!

Namaste

I honour the place in you in which the entire universe dwells.

I honour the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light & of peace.

When you are in that place in you

& I am in that place in me, we are one.

That's the one I found online, should be 80% the same as the one I bought...can't be bothered to bring the scroll out of its snug bag thingy!

Oh yeah, latest obsession initiated by Amy Gaerth: David Gray's The Greatest Hits album. Beautiful!

See You On The Other Side...

2010-10-03T02:14:00.000-07:00

Howdy Ho everybody! Has it been two months already!?! Yes it is obvious that I yet to overcome my procrastination problem!

Well!

I just got my laptop (& a little something else!) back from Geraldton yesterday...*woohoo!*...so be prepared for many many more revelations to come, boys & girls!

Watch this space! *wink*

Twenty Four Little Hours Brought The Sun & The Flowers...

2010-07-20T01:43:00.000-07:00

Oh no, my 'vacation' has come to an end! I thought I would arrive in Perth on the 23rd but only yesterday did I check my online ticket & realize that we had actually booked tickets to arrive on the 22nd instead! Oh no, what a difference a day makes!

Kind of sad to leave home again...but am looking forward to seeing Amy, Brayden & Blackie again; not to mention the stable people & horsies...I hope it won't be too cold...actually I think I would prefer cold to rain! Because when it rains everything gets sloshy & in the yards the shit gets 'melted down' into the sand & you end up lugging up more sand than shit!

Eugh.

Anyway, got some serious last minute 'shopping' & errands to do, arrrggghhh procrastination in action again! I need professional help!

Goodbye my loves!!!

P.S the title is from the song What A Difference A Day Makes by Renee Olstead(?), ironic though that it is actually 24 little hours brought the rain rather than the other way around!

How About Grieving It All One At A Time..?

2010-07-17T02:28:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering (yes, one thing good about menial/tedious work & holidays is that your brain gets to wander far while your physical self is still in the real world!)...who are the people who leave me comments???

So far I've only received one spam comment & that was a porn-site ad...woohoo? The rest are inspirational quotes in Chinese...& it's interesting because I don't know how to read Chinese besides being very fluent in writing my Chinese surname, Wang...yes I am despicable!

But anyways I am seriously...yes, seriously...notice the non-existant outward smiling?...very happy that there are people actually reading my blog & commenting...although not as much as some of my friends but still..! Maybe in some way some angels watching over me? Wah...dramanya saya! Drama-ness runs in the Ong side of the family...confirmed!

Here's to all your visits & notes...thank you very much, & please continue 'interacting' with me!

Y'all are stars (say this ala Richard Reed on Hitz.Fm)!!!

P.S The title quote is a line from Alanis Morisette's Thank You...thought that line would be most appropriate because it seems that this blog is sort of a venting space for me, one at a time! Thank you for keeping my spirits up when I'm down...God speed!

Can We Pretend That Airplanes In The Night Sky Are Like Shooting Stars?

2010-07-16T02:19:00.000-07:00

Puppin's doodle again!!! Medications finished & the whole things has swollen up & snaped (is that the right word!?!) the stitches...so went to the vet's again today for consultation...*sigh*...just goes to show one thing:

Doodles cause mischief even if their factories have been removed!!!

Current obsession: music!

If music be the food of love, play on;

Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting,

The appetite may sicken, & so die.

Today's specific obsession: Pharell Williams' Despicable Me:

I'm having a bad bad day,

It's about time that I get my way,

Steam-rolling whatever I see,

Huh...despicable me!

Sometimes I wish I could be a steam-rolling, thick-faced person!

Just a quick note today, have been in the Internet Cafe FarmTown-ing for too long...my bad! Had a very good week from weekend karaoke to Penang to jeans-buying(???)! Very reluctant to go back to Oh-Si land...he he he...

Hating the biting cold already (although occasionally I wish for it...in just a split second that is...)...eugh! I miss my Ellie Horse & Evil Patches too...but I don't miss putting on light sheets & heavy rugs, taking off light sheets & heavy rugs...yadda yadda yadda...naked horses rule!!!

Thank the forces of good (& maybe even evil!) that I could meet up with almost everyone who matters, terima kasih!

More news next week!

When I Feel Sad, I Stop Being Sad & Be Awesome Instead!

2010-07-13T02:15:00.001-07:00

I read this sometime during my weeks in Perth, but don't remember who quoted it; can't find the author either.

Anyway, is a good way to life don'tcha think? Well of course sometimes sadness needs to be attended to but today I think not!

Going to have a bath now & wear my new baju...muahahahahahah *Dr. Evil laugh*

Before that I am going to post this in pink & large font just for shits! *tee hee hee*

& I Wonder If I Ever Cross Your Mind - For Me It Happens All The Time...

2010-07-13T01:57:00.001-07:00

Reading Dear Old Love is making me surprisingly sad! Now listening to Justin Bieber & Ludacris - Baby:

'Baby, baby, baby...thought you'd always be mine'

Oh no! I don't want to be a Justin Bieber fanatic...now there's a scary possibility!

Dear Old Love makes you question 'what if'', although there are funny bits too:

'I shaved your unibrow with the same razor I use to shave downstairs'.

That was seriously hilarious, like, buta-buta something so simple yet disgusting muncul...that's like, the ultimate revenge, man!

Did some shopping today, a few clothes...that would probably make me feel better later on!

I feel sad when I come to the city & see high-rise residential units because I can't remember what yours looks like.

Back to Ipoh soon...tomorrow, we conquer the north!

I'm Feelin' Like A Star, You Can't Stop Muh Shine...

2010-07-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

Productive weekend! Noice!

Saturday met up with the Perempuan Kuasa Dua for karaoke...but See Jasmine couldn't make it because she lost her voice recently...oh no!

(My new over-used phrase...'oh no!'...I think I should change that because of all that Law Of Attraction In Action shit - if you keep saying negative shit, you gonna get negative shit, y'all!)

So...vocal chords satisfied, it was to KL to stay with cousin Ginny & Newest-Cousin-In-Law.

It is now 1am on Tuesday morning & I think the stomach has been placated.

The first nasi lemak I had last week made my stomach feel hot for a few minutes after (seriously, I didn't think I'd ever experience that, being a curry-eating Malaysian!), & the shlits a few hours later! Saturday's dinner at Anandha Bhavan's caused two shilt sessions...omigawd! Curry is a laxative of sorts I suppose!

Today didn't eat much in the day but had maggi goreng for dinner (the place only sells nasi lemak & maggi goreng; drinks are only like teh-o, milo, kopi...no watermelon! Wonder of wonders!), after that came home & went for a short swim (happening!), then back for durian & cousin's thong sui...yummikins! *URK*

At least one of the Ong cousins can stir up a decent thong sui! I was like, so kam tong when she dengan penuh kasih sayang peeled the whatchamaycallits & removed the biji inside...lol...fo reel!

Most outrageous purchase so far has to be the local dvds, if you know what I mean...*wink wink* *nudge nudge*...I love Malaysia for that! That's something to look forward to in the dreary winter...just hope that my laptop will be able to play them!

Sales period just over, so sad! Never mind, there is still tomorrow & Penang with Su Yen on Wednesday!

Speaking of, the other day we were gushing over Edward & Jacob from Twilight & Su Yen said something about feeling like we're sixteen again...omigawd that was so funny & true! I know I shouldn't be acting this way...to make things simple I will quote (had to search for it a bit, I'm no Shakespeare genius!) Hamlet, the Queen's closet scene:

...You cannot call it love; for at your age

The hey-day in the blood is tame, is humble,

& waits upon the judgement: ...

What can I say, I'm a Libra & I appreciate good aesthetics... :-PPP

There is a new movie coming out, Vampires Suck. Can't wait for it, by the looks of the trailer seems like a winner!

Oh yeah finally, finally found Dear Old Love; surprisingly couldn't find it in Perth but was in the first bookstore I went in (in KL that is...Ipoh didn't have it! All hail Borders Bookstores!)...beautiful! But I am saving it for laters, I suppose it's the sort of book where...you want to read it, but you don't want to read it either because when you're done that's the end, & you don't want it to end?

*sigh*

That's pretty much the rundown of the past few days. Just doing a quick post while I have a laptop & Internet connection (yes, this post made possible by: Ginny Ong!)!

Okey I am prying my lips off cousin's bum now.

Going crazy over music at the moment, especially Usher & Jason DeRulo...vocal chords & tummy satisfied, must be ear drums now???

Lalaland beckons...*snore*

Welcome, The Undescended!

2010-07-09T00:45:00.000-07:00

Starting to regret not bringing back my laptop with me, can't watch movies, can't listen to music, can't pre-blog...shiat.

Anyway I've been coming to our local Internet Cafe, & it has certainly been an experience!

First of all the connection is like, stupendously faster & consistent than our Optus broadband's.

Next is the multitude of people who visit the cafe! You have your more-or-less expected young/middle-aged, single, computer-less people. Then there is the occasional young child with parent(s) - you gotta respect these parents because they look like they've come straight from the office & are sometimes half-asleep in the chair next to their offspring!

I've been listening to Jason DeRulo's song Solo every single minute, I think it's finally starting to bore me, thank goodness!

I'm puttin' on muh shades, to cover up muh eyes;

I'm jumpin' in muh ride, I'm headin' out tonight;

I'm solo, I'm ridin' solo, I'm ridin' solo...

I'm feelin' like a star, you can't stop muh shine,

I'm lovin' cloud nine, muh head's in the sky;

I'm solo, I'm ridin' solo, I'm ridin' solo...

Hehe...can't wait to party!

On Tuesday there was a heavy downpour with strong winds, thunder, lightning...the works! Signboards fallen, construction fences blown on the road; broken branches blocking traffic...ah it felt really good to be home, although was a bit scary...is it possible to be afraid of something one has been exposed to for 25 years but hasn't encountered for just 2 months!?! Poyo! Hahahahah...

But seriously! It was a bit scary!

Okey got loads more shit to link from YouTube to Facebook, then have to fetch poor Puppinski from the vet's...he had this huge swell on his doodle & it was bleeding as well. Doc suspects that when he was neutered they only removed one testicle because the other had not descended. Well, it is the return of the now-descended! Shit. Cost me RM120.

You owe me, you freaky little dog!!!

Doesn't He Own A Shirt?

2010-07-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad that Jacob doesn't own a shirt! Hahahahah...

Finally! Watched Eclipse today! Su Yen & I were the first to buy tics on Tues - schedule came out at 5pm & we bought them after watching Toy Story 3, wow, macam...bangganya in a weird way! Hahahahah...

Anyways, it was as expected a great show - I'm going to say it again, unbelievable, because I have never read a the books although the girls say it's some sort of fucktabulous or something. Anyway I never got round to reading them but have been hooked after following them for the second movie. Yes, only watched the second, honestly speaking RPatz's 'look' kinda threw me off watching the first...by the way Jacob is waaay hotter! Like, *PHWOAR*!!!

Back to my original story. The cineplex was hot from the moment we entered, but being the meek, uncomplaining, tolerant Malaysians we are, nobody said anything until about halfway through some Cinapek is kind of complaining loudly to one of the staff that it's 'like an oven' in there, & a few minutes later the manager (I assume) comes in & aplogizes for the air conditioning failure & says that anyone who wants a refund can come forward later.

Well, needless to say I got my refund; though I still sort of feel bad because I sat through the whole movie (hey, it IS Taylor Lautner after all eh!). But I reasoned that TGV earns like what, freakin' millions everyday so I should make the 'best' of the situation? But what I really didn't like was that they put staff at the exits, to apologize to the herd of people leaving; & at the counter the people were apologizing profusely & I felt bad.

Because it is not like they used their mind power to will the air conditioning to get broke or some shit...to me it's just something that sometimes is inevitable...anyways Malaysian air conds are on duty like what, most of the day, & on the lowest temperature & highest power setting available? Can't blame them for being AWOL every once in a while eh?

So...yeah. But anyways I got RM12 back..! Wow! So happy, although there is still that occasional tinge of guilt...

Eclipse!

Omigawd I am like...so so sooo 'in love' with Taylor Lautner's character Jacob! I don't understand the RPatz craze, I hate that he is so...ghostlike & has that kinda scary look to him. Jacob is so much more erm...safe?...& warm...& muscular...& can turn into a fuzzy dog...hey yeah maybe that's why I prefer him, he satisfies my male human & animal craze! Hahahahah that sounds so wrong..!

You know how when you're into someone, even their name is like sweet music? Well I may never get with Jacob (a fictional character, mind you!) but the good side to all of this is that at least now the name Jacob won't only remind me of wheat biscuits. Hahahahah..!

That body...PHWOAR!!! Beautiful!!!

Life Is Hard..Compared To What?

2010-07-07T02:56:00.000-07:00

When I hear somebody sigh 'life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'compared to what?'.

- Sydney J. Harris -

Just back from Perth on Monday, today is Wednesday & I just opened my e-mail to receive a quick note from my mother saying that my first step-father has just been diagnosed with cancer of the throat/voicebox, & he has started treatment ASAFP - radiation first followed by chemo.

She will be back next week to take care of him.

It is always a big shocker to have something like this happen, especially at this time when I am supposedly 'on holiday' & enjoying being back home after being away for the longest time.

It is the same feeling of helplessness all over again, & the questioning of 'why', etc. that I suppose everyone dreads.

Another major wake up call.

Jailhouse Rock.

2010-06-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

While I was asleep here, those crazy people back home were tearing down the Pudu Prison, which I have just found out is actually recognized by the Guinness Book of Records as the world’s longest mural (http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/6/27/nation/6553188&sec=nation)???

What the fudge is the problem with these people??? Geez!

You’d think that rather than destroy it to make way for ‘development’, they’d sort of like, make it into a tourist attraction or something (ironically I have yet to visit the Fremantle prison either but why couldn’t our government do something like that?), but nooo they want everything to be spanking new & I suppose more 'lucrative'...wonder what the heck they have in mind for that area now.

Now stories of ghostly encounters etc. are flooding forth. What, did you think that just because there have been so many unexplainable things happening, that the people would jump onto the bandwagon & agree with the demolition?

I thought that demolishing a building doesn’t mean you demolish the spirits that live in it as well? I wonder what new stories will emerge during the construction & occupation of the new structure(s).

Anyways, with people like Ghost Finders & the more local Seekers beginning to gain popularity nowadays, it is just a shame to say that we have destroyed one of their potential ghost hotspots! Hahahahah...But maybe ever they would be reluctant to visit because in Asia spirits can become very violent & interactive when they want to!

Today’s post ain’t that well-versed or well-constructed, maybe because my brain has become numb-nuts due to the shock of the whole event.

I don’t know, it just sounds illogical to tear down the place.

So much for heritage & history!

Give Me One...Moment...In...Time...

2010-06-20T05:11:00.000-07:00

Current obsession: www.theoatmeal.com/comics

Love the sense of humour!

I got a very interesting comment on yesterday's post:

'You cannot determine the length of life, but you can determine its width'.

Yes my dear peepz we don't know what tomorrow will bring but we should do our best to ensure that we live each day to its fullest. My biggest setback is my affinity for sleeping! He he he...

Since I've been here I haven't been going out solo venturing because it feels like ages to get somewhere, something like this:

0300 wake up
0330 work starts
0930 work ends
1000 sleep
1400 wake up, eat

Considering that it starts getting dark & cold at around 17oo hours, I couldn't really be bothered catching the bus to the city everyday!

Anyways, most shops close at 1700 hours too...*sigh*

Did I mention that it is a sin to have life end at 6pm???

I suppose the lifestyle here is much different from back home, where it's 24 hour mamak shops & late night shopping means up to 10.30pm everyday instead of 9pm once a week!

Eugh.

But what I really like about here is that the living environment is relatively cleaner, like...there's not so much dust flying around (I noticed this because there doesn't seem to be much dust landing on furniture like back home??? Hahahahah...), & the majority of the whiteys actually take care of their surroundings...no littering etc...& they are more...outdoorsy?...compared to Malaysians.

If you asked a typical Malaysian kid to go kick a ball around outside he'd say either:
a) It's too freakin hot & I don't want to ruin everything my SK-II has done for me.
b) I'd rather kick a ball on my Wii.
c) Why don't I kick your balls instead, dumbass!?!

Nah, scratch that last one...just checking to see if you were paying attention!

My Aussie friend Amy's son, Brayden (12YO & counting!) is constantly out with his friends, kicking a rugby ball, scooting around on their whatchamaycallits...running up & down...if not he's in the backyard bouncing on his trampoline (wonderful things, these trampolines...wish I had one when I was small!)...

So yeah I must start living whatever's left of my Aussie life to the fullest from now on!

Just this one more sleep...

Anyway I've seriously detoured from the whole point of my post!

Something happened today that made me realize...I mean...really, really realize...that I don't want to have shitheads for friends. No offence meant to anybody in particular, but when you reach a certain stage in your life you begin to want to stop wasting your time with people who are only interested in using or abusing you (sweet dreams are made out of theeese..!)...

I am currently reading Mark Palmer & Scott Solder's You Need This Book To Get What You Want, & just reached the past where they are talking about auto-pilots (the subconcious), & how they always do what's right for you but just not in the way that is correct..? Does that make sense?

I think one of my bad auto-pilots is giving people the benefit of the doubt too much. Long story cut really really short, I think I need to behead this auto-pilot ASAFP!

It hurts being a loner, & it hurts feeling like an outsider. But it hurts even more when people don't treat you with the respect, dignity & honesty you deserve.

I think it was an episode of House MD in which there was some racial thingy going on with one of the patients & someone said (I can't do names because I don't follow House & I couldn't find the exact quote on Google!) 'the view is much better from the outside looking in'.

So yeah being an outsider has its advantages too I suppose...like, because you've experienced it yourself so you wouldn't want to treat anyone else that way..? But at the end of the day it depends on how you analyse it etc. etc...& what kind of person you want to become out of this experience - 'two yellow roads diverged in a yellow wood, & sorry I could not travel both'...

Anyways in the process of my searching I found this quote by Annie Dillard instead:

'You do not have to sit outside in the dark. If, however, you want to look at the stars, you will find that darkness is necessary. But the stars neither require nor demand it'.

I want to be a star! Hahahahah...

Good-early-Australian-night, everyone...c'est la vie!

Geez, that was a cliched thing to say! Must be all this loner-ism getting to my brain!

Amazing Grace, How Sweet The Sound...

2010-06-19T05:38:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 3rd year of Aunty Bee's death anniversary.

Seems like just last year or something...

I suppose the longer we've been without her also means the sooner we will meet again..?

Anyway...I'd like to say that I have something deep to say but unfortunately I'm poofed from work today...

Working throughout this weekend again...eugh...goodnight..!

Through many dangers toild & snares we have already come...twas grace that brought us safe thus far, & grace will lead us home...

Anddd...They're Off!

2010-06-18T00:25:00.000-07:00

I want to go to the greyhound races!

I don’t know shit about greyhound racing, it would be a complete joy to go to a kennel or something & have someone give a grand tour, answer all questions etc!
So here I am searching for greyhound racing information on Google, & the Racing & Wagering Western Australia website lists the available careers in greyhound racing:

* Trainer – Most greyhound trainers commence their involvement as a hobby & develop their skills, with many of them making the transition from part-time to full-time once they are established with regular winners. In order to become a trainer you must pass both a written exam as well as a practical test to show you have the knowledge & experience required to prepare canines for racing. In addition to passing the written & practical tests you must have suitable kennelling facilities for your racedogs, either at your home, property or at a rented facility. Greyhounds don’t take holidays so it is a genuine full-time role, but the financial rewards for successful trainers can be very attractive.

* Vet

* Track Staff – In order to keep the racing surface & the surrounds of the track in pristine condition, the raceclubs employ track staff who attend to a variety of duties including surface preparation, maintenance of grounds & gardens, general repair services & overall upkeep of the grounds. The racetrack is a vital ingredient of greyhound racing & the majority of the track staffs’ time is spent ensuring the race surface is in fine condition. The track staff employ a range of people from different backgrounds including horticulturalists, greenkeepers, curators, lawnmowers & gardeners.

* Kennel Staff – At every greyhound race meeting, all of the dogs are checked by the Vet & then taken to an air-conditioned kennel where they stay secure until it is time to get ready for their race. Kennel staff facilitate this process by weighing greyhounds & recording their details, distributing stretch vests & kennel cards, assisting stewards & the Vet where applicable & maintaining cleanliness in the kennel block. There are approximately 6 kennel staff employed at each race meeting & all of them are employed on a casual or part-time basis. No experience is required to become a part of the Kennel Staff, just a common sense approach & the ability to work whenever the race meetings are on.

* Catcher – After the running of each race, the greyhounds stop in an area called the Catching Pen. Once they reach the catching pen they are greeted by a catcher who puts a collar & lead on them & escorts them off the track into the kennels. Many young people catch greyhounds to earn a bit of extra pocket money. You have to be an approved catcher in order to complete this task.

* Lure Driver – Everyone who has seen a greyhound race will know there is a mechanical bunny which the greyhounds chase, called the lure. The person who drives the bunny (the lure driver) sits above the track & is instructed to keep the bunny within clear sight of the leading greyhound.

*Admin – Boring!

Hm...but upon 'research', it seems that many are opposed to it! Ah well, I suppose there are two sides to every story - maybe if the greyhound people practised a little more common sense & well...you know what I mean.

It's the same for the horse races also, like...Monty Roberts questions the need for whipping, 'if no whips are used, there will still be a first, a second & a third...'..! Makes sense right? I'm sure most avid race-people will say that some horses need to be whipped to get going (or, to put it nicely, encouraged to move forward!).

A few more weeks before it's 24 hour mamak stalls & life that ends at 1am & starts at 10am! Hahahahah...it is a sin that life has to end at 6pm!!! I miss my Puppin...

Oh, the peony plant outside Blackie's place is flowering, beautiful! I forgot that I have a flower clip like that...beautiful flowers! They fall to the ground even when they are in full bloom, & I picked a few up & put them on a pillar next to the gate. I hope the boys don't get irritated! Hahahahah...

Peony photos soon!

Part Of Me Laughs, Part Of Me Cries, Part Of Me Wants To Question 'Why?'...

2010-06-16T00:42:00.000-07:00

A bolt of lightning that is so mesmerizing – it invites you to come for a closer look, & when you’re near enough, it strikes out at you. At that moment in time, it seems like all you are experiencing all the pain in the world, & it also seems like that one second takes forever to pass. When everything is finally over, lightning doesn’t experience any negative effects, does it? But can the same be said about its victim?

Sometimes people are like flashes of lightning. Things happen so fast yet at the very same time things seem to take forever to pass. & you might probably still be singed a looong time after all is said & done, & you may wonder if it was all a dream. Or why you were the one who got struck.

The truth is that...sometimes things happen for reasons beyond our comprehension, even if we do realize why they happened (everything bad is good for you, remember?), it is not always easy for the heart to accept the rationality of the mind.

Sometimes people refuse to let you make amends, or don’t want to acknowledge the fact that you had actually made a connection in the past. The only thing to do then is to let them know that you are there for them if they ever need you, & step back.

Friendship is essentially a two way thing.

Here’s to you my friend. I hope you’re happy, wherever you are & whatever you do.

Mean Green Fighting Machines.

2010-06-15T03:40:00.000-07:00

I walked out into the living room to see Blackie absorbed in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Omigawd, can you say, 'flashback'?

When I was thissmall the TMNT had just burst into the cartoon scene & were a huge hit. I even had a pair of shorts & a t-shirt that we bought from the pasar malam. Yep, you know you're famous when they sell uncopyrighted material of you at the night markets!

So when TMNT The Movie hit the bigscreens my Farsha took me out to watch & I saw it fit to go decked out in full TMNT garb...must have looked like a mini groupie! Hahahah...

At that point in time, cinemas were enormous ghostly looking buildings which had the stench of old & new popcorn, spilled drinks & forgotten junk food under the seats, the entrances are covered with heavy once-velvety ruby-coloured curtains & sometimes there will be an usher to help you locate your seat.

Sort of scares me now that I'm used to shopping mall cineplexes!

I don't remember the movie but I do remember walking in with my Farsha feeling mighty pleased showing the world that I'm a TMNT fanatic!

It's amusing to note that the little things that happened waaay back stick in your memory, but when you go to check the feed balance in the yards, by the time you come back to the feed room you're struggling to remember which horse left how much...& there were only 4 horses who didn't finish their feed??? Shit.

Anyway. I love my Farsha for all that.

Last month Blackie & I went to the Picadilly Cinema in the city to watch Iron Man 2. It was exactly like way back in the day - a huge cinema!!! They didn't have heavy curtains at the entrace, but they made up for it with ruby-coloured curtains & gold tassles each side of the screen!

A ticket to the movies costs about AUD15 - that translates to about RM45! Phwoar!!! That'll make you appreciate going to the movies eh???

I suppose Matt Groening was right all along - when you go pirated or buy illegal, instead of making millions & millions of money, people in the entertainment industry will only make millions of money! Hahahah...that's a good one..!

I typed all this out before & the Internet connection failed me so this is my second time typing & I am not amused!

Do you think I should get a Taylor Lautner shirt? Maybe a Robert Pattinson shirt as well?

No thank you, I think I'm well past the groupie stage now! Hahahahah...good day everyone!

Ain't No Singing In The Rain Here...

2010-06-13T18:21:00.002-07:00

It rained most of the morning & I just watched a video link posted by Ah Soon in Facebook. I am feeling freakin' sick in my stomach at the moment.

It started off with a girl beating up another girl in an empty (or most probably it was after-hours so everything was closed) shopping complex, couldn't understand what they were really talking about but it was weird because the attacker sometimes asked, 'don't you know how much I loved you' (as in, sisterly or familial love)..! & the person recording the whole thing was a guy because after a while he started saying, 'that's enough...' but even freakier was when he said, 'that's enough, there are still 2 more to go' (meaning 2 more girls to whack her)...& these bitches were slapping & kicking her, pushing her around...

What disturbs me the most is that they looked like mere teenagers - maybe around 15-20YO? It threw me off my breakfast & now I feel like throwing up.

Every time I see something like this - like the time in Haiti where a thief was stripped & beaten/stoned to death by the road...by the very same people he shares his community with (re: The Wise Lament Neither For The Living Nor The Dead, 25th January 2010) - it just makes me sooo sick &...yes, like I said before - kesal!!! Aku kesal betul, entah mengapa! Even though it has nothing to do with me, I feel so much regret!

Where does all this negativity come from??? Especially with this latest case; what could they, as mere teenagers, have possibly encountered in their lives to react so violently? Things just escalated from the minute the video started:

1. A girl whacking up another girl while she doesn't hit back or retaliate.
2. The person recording the whole thing is a guy.
3. The first attacker backs off & another two enter the frame.
4. Guy tells the two girls it's enough because there are another two girls who want to whack her next.

That's pretty much where I stop the video. Or I would have seriously lost it!

Where did it all go wrong? Was it their upbringing? Peer pressure? Exposure to violent media? What experiences could have motivated them to doing such a thing?

I think it is a Gandhi way of thinking not to retaliate when people wrong you. Because when they eventually realize what they did wrong, it is their shame that will haunt them for the rest of their lives - our refusal to hurt them the way they hurt us shows just how much of a bigger person we are. & our silence kills them even more because they feel that they deserve some kind of punishment from us to be free of guilt.

Amazing!

I just used the God Wants You To Know application in Facebook & today's message is:

On this day of your life, Ee Lee, God wants you to know...that your love is a gift to the world. Let your love radiate out to all you meet. Let your love touch the hearts of people you don't even know. Let your love reach to the far corners of the earth. Love is what is saving the world.

How cool is that! Would you say that's just a coincidence, or there's something larger at work here!?!

Anyways, I feel slightly better now. Weather forecast says it's going to rain the whole week, now I understand why the Brits are always so solemn &...well, stiff-upper-lipped!!! But at least it ain't as cold as last week!

Got yards to do in the afternoon, so going to grab me a few hours of sleep now.

I have a new 'obsession' - sun-worshipping. No, I ain't a pagan yet! Everytime there's a spot of sunlight I feel the urge to go stand in it & sing: 'iiit waaas an...itsy bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka dot bikini...'...hahahah...don't think that's going to happen today!

First Post With New Blog Name.

2010-06-13T00:48:00.000-07:00

What a boring post title! But I couldn't immediately come up with something special so this will do for now! Shit, I am seriously dropping my standards!!! Anyway...

Sounds somewhat like the name of a pub eh! But I’m out of quick ideas & since I love pink, one of my favourite flowers is the peony, & I adore ponies, I thought that’s what I’d name my blog!

Well...that & the fact that the name hasn’t been taken by someone else yet!

According to Wikipedia: ‘the peony is named after Paeon, a student of Asclepius, the Greek god of medicine & healing. Asclepius became jealous of his pupil; Zeus saved Paeon from the wrath of Asclepius by turning him into the peony flower. Mischievous nymphs were said to hide in the petals of the Peony thus causing this magnificent flower to be given the meaning of Shame or Bashfulness in the Language of Flowers. Once planted the peony likes to be left alone & punishes those who try to move it by not flowering again for several years. Once established, however, it produces splendid blooms each year for decades. Peonies are a common subject in tattoos, often used along with koi-fish. The popular use of peonies in Japanese tattoo was inspired by the ukiyo-e artist Utagawa Kuniyoshi’s illustrations of the Suikoden, a serialized novel from China. His paintings of warrior-heroes covered in pictorial tattoos included lions, tigers, dragons, koi fish, & peonies, among other symbols. The peony became a masculine motif, associated with a devil-may-care attitude & disregard for consequence’.

Well I ain’t THAT much of a devil-may-care Japanese Yakuza, but I’d like to think that I am somewhat liberal in thinking...or at least I try to practise being liberal..!

A bit at a loss for ideas at the moment...this weekend is my weekened off but I am too lazy to catch the bus into the city! This morning Blackie & I took Brayden (my Aussie friend Amy's son) & his friend to the Go Kart centre, where the younger boys both kicked Blackie's ass..!

Just reached home about 45 minutes ago, & I don't know if it's just me or do all Malaysians automatically get sleepy when it is cold? Or is it a mammal-hibernation thingy? Australians seem always on the go, whereas I feel like curling up under the sheets & going to Lalaland! It is difficult in the morning as well, like, if there is no heater, I get veeery reluctant to leave the bed because I have created this coccoon of warmth where even my toes & hands are warm (unlike when you first leap into bed, hands & toes freezing for the first half an hour!)..!

Life starts & ends early here, & by that I am generally talking about the horsie people population, don't know about the rest of them but may not be that much different since shops etc. close early too! Horsie life begins at 3.30am until about 9am & arvo (afternoon) work is from 2.30 to around 4 or whatever time you finish.

The in-betweens is too long a period to not do anything, but too short to actually go somewhere interesting..? & it gets cold & dark around 6pm so...most of the time I'm bumming at home.

Bummer! Can't wait to go back to Malaysian lifestyle & 24 hour mamak shops! Late night shopping in Australia is Thurs for the suburbs & Fridays in the city - shops open till 9pm. Omigawd!!! Normal business hours for Tesco Extra in Malaysia is up to 12am!

Now I have to go prepare the ingredients for Blackie to come cook later. Yes, I don't cook. But I do do laundry, house-keeping & dog-spoiling!

Don't Hate Me Cause I'm Beautiful!

2010-06-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

Wow I had finally, finally posted the blog post that I had written a few weeks back & was doing a search to find out where I can get Andy Selsberg's Dear Old Love (yep, still obsessed!)...& my blog appeared amongst the results! Hahahahah...bangganya! But I have to admit that it is a bit scary that I (at first) unconciously chose the name 'Everything Bad Is Good For You' as my blog title, because I might one day open my e-mail account & find myself being accused of plagerism or something! I think I must have read it somewhere & somehow it stuck because I wrote it on my whiteboard back home...yes, the whiteboard of random crazy thoughts that run through my mind...& when I was looking for a blog title I saw that phrase & adopted it!

I had in mind the phrase 'Knotty Musings' because it's a pun on the word 'naughty'? But I just searched it & it's already been taken by some other blogger...www.boogieways.blogspot.com.
Seems like quite a nice blog & I may well follow it..!

Anyway, I think I'd better settle it soon...any ideas more than welcome!

Oh, now that I've written a post I realize how much I've missed blogging! Will write soon about my new adventures here...not that much about God anymore (thanks be the the powers be, I think that's settled for now!)...

If You're Lost, You Can Look, & You WIll Find Me...Time After Time...

2010-06-09T17:37:00.000-07:00

Heyo everybody it’s been a long time eh! Sorry I have not been putting writing on my priority list...although I do have much to write about!

So what got me inspired to write again? Well Ganesh is at in Blackie’s room, & the power point in the dining area is at an inconvenient place, so I am outside (yes, the great outdoors, I like!). The sun is bright, & there is the occasional cool breeze. Sitting on the old sofa, there is a pool table beside me & fresh laundry hanging above, although now that I’ve mentioned it, directly above me are socks & underwear. Hahahahah...but no matter, one of the benefits of growing up in a male-dominated family is that you are used to all their shit! The sound of horses in their yards & the SkyRacing channel on tv. Nothing else. Beautiful.

I have my lagu jiwang playlist (well, 90% of it is jiwang anyway..!) & at the moment Eva Cassidy’s Time After Time is playing. My current favourite blogsite is www.dearoldlove.tumblr.com – a website created by the author of the book Dear Old Love, Andy Selsberg. ‘Short notes to people we’ve loved (or at least liked), requited or unrequited’. Lovely. Selsberg has banked in on a huge idea here, I love it! It is good to know that there are many other girls who are hopeless romantics & self destructive sometimes...lol...but yeah it is truly heart-warming & I hope to purchase the book ASAFP!

'When you read my blog, do you recognieze the secret messages to you?'

Damn Amazon recommendations...now I’m also interested in Frank Warren’s PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death & God. Shiat!!! Books or clothing, why does it always have to be one or the either! Why can’t I have both!!! Hahahahah...

Anyway, time to move into the house...it’s already pitch black & I have been too lazy to get up but now I have to pry my ass of this now-warm couch. See ya later loves!

Today I've Learnt To Tell A Goblin From A Hobgoblin!

2010-04-07T19:22:00.001-07:00

Nice post title eh? I took a class in mythical creatures today...

Nah...that's just a sarcastic comment at the end of one episode of Little Britain..!

Although I don't really get Vicky Pollard's humour sometimes & the guy in the wheelchair is sorta creepy, there are many other interesting & damn funny characters; the jokes are sometimes stupid & very simple but the pun is that they even thought of it in the first place!

So I'm off to watch more Little Britain now, cheerio!

Thank You For Loving Me..!

2010-03-31T05:20:00.000-07:00

My college principal's latest FB status:

From my awesome weekend: Scully you are so happy, healthy, bright, active, strong, fit, have so much in your life, have so much fun .. I ponder why.. my answers: What we project we receive, what we express we invite, what we seek to include we have space for.. I use my voice, body & heart to express positive love, joy... and abundance, move with open grace, embrace new experience. Try it...enjoy your new life. Namaste!

Wow! She is one of the few people I 110% admire in life. So full of vibrant, full of life & optimistic about everything, & I too wonder how she does it. Where does she harness all that energy?

The above explaination is easy enough to say but how often do we find ourselves being brought down by others? Though we tell ourselves time & again that it doesn't matter what others say or do, it is not always easy; especially when those negative vibes come from people whom we treasure.

Even if we do not value others' thoughts, they can multiply when there are many sources!

Or is it just me! Lol...

Well I suppose I'll just have to practice being in my 'pink bubble of security' more! Learnt that from a book...Healthy Horses the Natural Way if not mistaken! Yep some horse people are nuts..!

& you people think I'm bonkers!

Two more days of work & I'm done! As usual some days I feel happy, some days sad...but these days it's more happy because Blackie's visa has been approved last Friday & he will be leaving this Thursday night.

Looks like God really does work in mysterious ways! Since his visa processing took so long, now it will only be 2 weeks before I join him in Perth! Great! At least there will be a (very!) familiar face waiting for me there...that & I am looking forward to re-meet (is there such a word!) Amy & Ganesh there too..!

a new chapter in life, & as my friend Bo Chi previously told me (when I backed out early of the Balmoral work offer): 'every time you feel you want to come back home, remind yourself of the reasons why you are there in the first place'.

Now I think of the BS I want to rid my life of, the nay-sayers, bad karma etc. & picture the way I want my future to be. I hope that will keep me focused!

I came across this saying a few days ago...can't even remember where I read it:

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world!

Word to yo momma! Especially in the past few months when I realize how much of a role people can play in one's life. How, at that precise moment there will be an unexpected person who will come strolling along without a care in the world, poke a stick in the mudhole & drag me out of it!

Seriously, the most unexpected people!

So, here's to the lot of you - & thank you for being...you! Muah!!!

Of Sea Zombies & A Skullmaster.

2010-03-30T05:15:00.000-07:00

I am re-reading all my Matt Groening Life In Hell books. He has a seriously deranged style of thinking that I admire! In Childhood Is Hell there is a page about a conversation between him & his son. The son asks him, ‘Matt! What is the soul?’ & he becomes flustered & there are a lot of ‘well, uhm, erm, ah...it’s the...the’...in the end he settles with the term ‘life force’. The boy then becomes irritated & asks, ‘then why do the sea zombies give up their souls to Skullmaster!?!’!

I should have annoyed my father that way when I was smaller.

Is it me or has the fashion become ‘pairs-of-black-&-white-things’???

It all started with the two Hoppy Love bunnies on various items; of which I bought two sets of stickers from the Ipoh Garden East pasar malam. Next was the black & white cat bed sheet I found at BumCity’s sale. Then came Piano Rabbits – I bought a few files from Popular Bookstore. After that Su Yen discovered these special wall stickers in Johor, & they had a pair of black & white cats sitting next to a table under a lamp post during a starry night. Yes, I got that too. Now there is a bag in Maggie T, Jiji & Peren (can’t remember which is which) but it a bit costly.

Yes, I know I know...I started a new trend...blehhh...perasannya!

But yes folks, ‘Black & White’s are here to stay!

I had something else to say but I have forgotten. Damn my short-term memory. Was actually cleaning up the house a bit but now...yep. Once you have that ‘oh I’m just gonna have a five minute quickie break’ it turns into ‘omigawd I’m so damn lazy I’ll just do it tomorrow’ & voila!

Procrastination!

More laters peepz...tata!

Oh yeah:

Why do the Sea Zombies give up their souls to Skullmaster!?!

Take Your Cat & Leave My Sweater, Cause We Got Nothing Left To Weather...

2010-03-29T05:12:00.000-07:00

I abhor Tiny Tim!

Don’t know if I mentioned but about a week or so after ‘discovering’ Tim, Ah Uai found another kitten in Lingera’s stable. I think it was the same kitten that was mewing near the muck site earlier that morning.

After opening the back gate to the stables I thought Tim had escaped from her cage so went to check but it was dark. Only after a few steps Uncle Nan came from the other stable & said Tim was in her cage so I forgot about it & went to work.

Later in the afternoon Ah Uai came clutching this horribly-marked kitten by the neck. He said it was scrambling in the corner of Lingera’s stable, while Lingera looked on in...amusement Curiosity? My anthropomorphisms have left me.

So now there are two.

Only a few days ago did I come up with the name E.T. for the second one, because her eyes look a bit different & she has big ears. Yes...sensitive issues, the ears! Hey, just realized that she should’ve been called Yoda...lol...too bad.

She looks very, very plain – a tri-coloured kitten whereas Tim is white with orange & black on her tail & both ears, & a whorl going along her back. Tim obviously embodies the ‘second-chance-at-life’ persona; very adventurous & can get a bit feisty during feeding.

She can climb up the length of my jeans & shirt to come meow directly at my ear. As if mewing at my feet wasn’t doing the job.

Today I let them have a run in the store & she climbed up the bags of chaff. With me she can go very fast, one paw at a time defying gravity like as though she’s simply walking up. Like it’s the most normal thing to do in the world! With the chaff she has to sort of pounce with both forepaws at a time.

She can jump from surprisingly high places too, the mischievous bugger; & her tail is the most active I’ve ever seen in a cat. When she sees me (inevitably Most Favourite Person & Mommy by default!) all the hairs of her tail go on ends & it looks like a brush. It fluffs up when she is afraid, when fighting for food, etc.

E.T. on the other hand is very, very shy & sometimes I suspect she is deaf & a bit blind. She doesn’t respond to sounds & things will only catch her attention if they are somewhat in her direct field of vision.

But sometimes I adore her a lot also because...well as you all know I have always had a soft spot for the underdog in any situation!

Tiny Tim has been ‘booked’ by one of my colleagues who says he will take her back about a week before I leave for Australia. Now he says he will take E.T. too so that is good I suppose, because they are used to each other’s company & I’d hate to separate them.

This coming week I will have them spayed first. It baffles me how people think that spaying/neutering violates animal rights but animals brought to this world only to experience hunger & general suffering is alright! Omigawd!

I am sad that I have to leave all these behind. It is like the cartoon depiction in my all-time favourite horsie book, Hold Your Horses...there is a girl about to board a plane & in the foreground there is a horse, dog, cat & goldfish in a line, waving her off. The caption reads something like, ‘now that you have all this, & all this has you, how will you ever leave home?’.

Hear, hear!

I think the saddest of all will be Kusi, because last year has been the best year in his life! Poor Kus...I miss him already, the ugly bugger! Nobody to irritate & hug him! Lol..!

I read long ago that in Chinese culture some believe that a pet that loves its owner very much will still follow her around after its death, in spirit form, so as to protect its owner. This makes me wonder if I have a whole zoo behind me...hamsters, dogs, cats...damn.

But maybe they are glad to escape from the clutches of the torturous animal maniac?

Hahahahah...

Love Alters Not When It Alteration Finds.

2010-02-28T05:37:00.000-08:00

Michelle had her birthday celebration in church today, in conjunction with the church’s CNY celebration. There was a lion dance performance, fan dance & choir.

It was the first time I’d ever appreciated a lion dance – I never knew that the lions would ‘throw’ oranges to the crowd. Yes, blame my social ignorance.

Anyway I know it’s weird but I felt really touched by the performance, although it was not a professional, professional act but I’m the kind of person who, watching a lion dance, will think about how far we have evolved as humans, how we have built our culture so well that we are able to enjoy unique & ingenious event like this. Amazing!

Call me a simpleton but I always find the beauty in everyday things & maybe I do it to a fault but in a way it allows me to better appreciate things in life.

I took the chance to wander to the church building itself, but unfortunately it was already ‘closing time’. I didn’t know there is a guard who will be on watch at the church door entrance.

Maybe if someone wants to visit the Big Guy at odd hours he will decide whether to let them in or not?

But it is disturbing to know that we are living in a country on the brink of religious warfare, where people do not respect one another & in doing so show disrespect for God as well! What kind of people desecrate others’ places of worship? Is nothing sacred anymore?

I’d like to think that there are many ways to God, even though sometimes it feels like betrayal to my ‘on-paper’ religion. After all, people of another religion are, in essence, people as well; what right do I have to say whose religion is the better?

Can we just agree to disagree?

Come to think of it, what use is there to argue whose religion is the better?

Sick & tired of it all.

Anyway let’s end on a positive note, because it has been a good day – finally got my car washed & vacuumed (although the workers were arrogant buggers...humbug!) - & things look like they are taking a turn hopefully for the better!

& it is with great pleasure that I report that the church still feels...like love. There is no feeling of ‘betrayal’ or disownment, but just a feeling of calm acceptance & serenity.

I think that is a good thing...

Maybe the words of Shakespeare, although meant for Human-Human relationships, can also be taken from a God-Human point of view:

Love alters not when it alteration finds. It is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests & is never shaken. Love alters not with time’s brief hours & weeks but bears it out. Even to the edge of doom.

Good News, Everyone!

2010-02-27T05:26:00.000-08:00

February 18th 2010.

Had an outing with Jamie today, he had his ears re-pierced! I wonder what possessed him to get them re-pierced! Anyway, it’s cool! Probably all that time at the Mental Hospital has gotten to him! Meheheheh...

Yes...my current emotional expression is: meheheheh...

The whole process was quite gruesome to me! Dr. Alistair once asked me why I have a piercing on my upper ear but not at the conventional earlobes, & I told him I was young & stupid at that time & now that I’m a bit wiser, I’m afraid to get more! Hahahahah...seriously! Jamie’s piercing was a bit scary, especially the sound of the ‘gun’ piercing the hole, sort of like piercing through thick cardboard or something...eugh. But he seemed unfazed by the whole experience, maybe he had his ‘Mr Macho’ face on...hahahahah...

The most wonderful news arrived today!

Blackie’s visa has been approved & apprentice school starts on the 8th of March. Which is about 2 weeks from now. I knew those mother forkers would pull an eleventh-hour stunt!

Anyway, for those privileged few who are in the know, you know what that means!

Keep it to yourselves for now..!

& so, a new chapter is beginning & I feel excited yet anxious at the same time.

I blame my separation anxiety.

I feel the urge to buy another dress! Meheheheh...quote The Mask: Somebody stop me!

Okey that’s it for today, just wanted to record this important day!

Love you all! Muah!

P.S. The title post is from Professor Farnsworth of Futurama...my favouritest show in the world! Everytime he has something to announce he will begin with that phrase. For example:

'Good news everyone! There's a report on tv with very bad news.'

'Good news everyone! Today you'll be delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily 8, the Mob Planet!'

Yep, intelligent sarcasm...me loikes! Me loikes a lot!!! lol

You Can Tell A Lot About A Person From His Underwear.

2010-02-26T04:15:00.000-08:00

The Star, Monday 8th February 2010.

Don’t take off your undies, urges anti-Valentine group.
By Derrick Vinesh.

BUTTERWORTH: A non-governmental organisation is up in arms against Valentine’s Day & a plan to get a group of students to go without panties on that day.
The Secretariat Against Social Ills Penang (Urusetia Menangani Gejala Sosial Pulau Pinang or UNGGAS) fears that the ‘no panties’ promotion, now going on at higher learning institutions in Shah Alam, may soon find its way into secondary schools if not checked.

It said a random survey conducted at several Penang schools showed that some students were aware of the matter.

Unggas co-ordinator Nurfitri Amir Muhammad said a few of its teacher activists were even surprised to find students openly discussing it.

“We do not have any evidence if such an event is being organised among the secondary school students here, but the fact that secondary students are aware of such a promotion requires serious attention,” he told a press conference in Bagan Lalang here yesterday.

On Jan 29, The Star reported that female students in higher learning institutes in Shah Alam were being persuaded not to wear panties on Valentine’s Day as an expression of true love for their boyfriends.

The ‘no-panties’ promotion, being held for the first time, has apparently being gaining interest among the students who are passing the news by word of mouth.

Nurfitri claimed that some couples who celebrated Valentine’s Day ended up having a sex party.
He said Unggas with the Ulama Association of Malaysia (Penang Chapte), Angkatan Pemuda Pemudi Islam & Komuniti Suara Kehidupan recently started a ‘Valentine’s Day Trap’ (Jerat Valentine’s Day) campaign to caution people against negative activities during Valentine’s Day.

He said a team of about 500 volunteers from the organizations began distributing posters & VCDs, & would later conduct talks in night markets & other public places.

“On Valentine’s night, we will conduct a preventive operation called Operasi Sayang Remaja at Queensbay Mall in Gurney Drive & along the Butterworth Outer Ring Road stretch. Since we do not have enforcement powers like Jakim officers, we will concentrate on counselling & advising couples against committing adultery,” he said.

Nurfitri said National Registration Department statistics showed that about 257, 000 births were registered without their fathers’ names between 2000 & July 2008.

He said 70, 430 babies were born out of wedlock between 1999 & 2003.

Wow! The things people come up with!

First of all I have a few questions:

How the fuck are they going to ensure that these young people wear their undies, like, conduct random checks like JPJ roadblocks:

‘Maaf cik/encik, sila londehkan kain/seluar sikit, saya nak check sama ada cik/encik ada pakai seluar dalam ke tak.’

‘Oh minta maaf, sebenarnya saya tak ada seluar dalam bersih untuk dipakai, oleh itu saya tidak memakainya hari ini.’

Or if the potential offender is wearing a g-string or super tiny bikini undie:

‘Maaf cik/encik, seluar dalam ini kecil sangat & tidak menepati piawai & standard-standard sehelai seluar dalam. Sila ikut kami ke balai di mana kami akan memberikan taklimat & bimbingan mengenai cirri-ciri seluar dalam yang sah di sisi undang-undang negara ini.’

That begs the question: Do boxers count as undies?

Just wondering...since they aren’t elasticized at the legs & allow much ventilation compared to conventional underwear...

What if we walked around in boxers only? ‘Saya pakai underwear apa, hanya tak pakai seluar aje...hari ini lu orang tangkap orang yang tak pakai underwear saja mah, tak cakap apa-apa pasal seluar pun!’

Secondly, how the heck did they conduct ‘random surveys’ in secondary schools!?!

Thirdly, if news of this is being spread by word of mouth, wouldn’t an anti-undies-off campaign just serve to enlighten those who know nothing about this, therefore killing the purpose of the campaign? & I thought we wanted our young people to be up to date with current events, how would you control the input of negative/positive current events to their brains?

Fourthly (yippee we’re learning numbers in the process as well!), with a campaign name like ‘Valentine’s Day Trap’ (the word Jerat sounds so much more sinister in Malay), there is so much negativity conveyed; even though they are only giving ‘counselling’ & ‘advice’, what the heck’s with the ‘Trap’ word!?! Are you going to pretend to counsel people & when they reveal their secret lives, bring out your licenses & drag them to Sing Sing???

Nah...I think a few lashings would be better, don’t you? Heheheh...

Not to be offensive or anything but:

Our people seriously need to reconsider their priorities in life – is your life an exemplary one, do you cause intentional hurt to anyone. Like the Michael Jackson song says: ‘I’m looking at the man in the mirror, I’m asking him to change his ways, no message could have been any clearer; if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself & then make that change’.

Priorities in life also meaning that maybe there are more serious issues than teeny-boopers running around undie-less? Like...saving our wildlife, crime issues, etc..? Sometimes you have to allow people to make their own decisions as individuals, & not expect them to live according to your standards & ideals. Simply allowing them to evolve as humans, although they may not make the best choices sometimes, but by saying ‘no’ what we are doing is actually causing them to rebel more against the ‘system’!

Lastly, & maybe the most important; I feel that sometimes by making a huge issue out of adultery & underage sex, we directly affect the number of unwanted babies. Every day we read about babies being abandoned in rubbish bins & flushed down toilets. I think it is not too much to say that in a way we are responsible for every ‘unwanted’ baby.

Let’s look at this situation from the mother’s psychological point of view.
1. Period has not come for a few months. Take urine test, comes out positive.
2. Option A: Tell parentals, get married before tummy shows. All’s well that ends well.
Option B: Afraid to tell parentals because of fear of unacceptance & abandonment.
Option C: Abortion (which is also killing of life so...).
3. If Option B is chosen, go through pregnancy period without medical or emotional support. Live every day wondering if baby is okey, if she herself is going to be okey, what she’s going to do when it’s time to deliver, etc.
4. Deliver baby ALONE. Out of guilt towards family & for fear of shame, dispose of baby.

So you see dear readers, it is not the mothers who are to blame. It is the way society portrays & accepts these people that makes it such a grotesque social stigma.

What is done is done. There is no use for further punishment or negative behaviour because it serves no good to the situation at hand, & it is especially not fair to place such a burden on an innocent baby.

Yes, my fellow rakyat, looks like we have much, much more to learn...

On the up side, I think this has got to be one of my best posts ever! Meheheheh...terperasan!

Malaysia Boleh.......?

Bah Humbug!

2010-02-25T04:10:00.000-08:00

Had a relatively good day today, first half of the day was shitty...ooohhh! I must tell you about Tiny Tim!

This morning one of the twins told me there was this kitten in one of the stables near the Indian shrine. I followed him to the stable & sure enough there was this kitten curled up with its legs under it (I love when cats do that!), sleeping.

Upon closer inspection its eyes were closed tight with hardened eye goo...eugh. I was reluctant to ‘adopt’ it because I feared that its mother would come looking for it...nanti mak sakit hati pulak!

I knew it was sick, because its nose was also covered in blackened nose goo.

The killer point came when the twin exclaimed, ‘Eh tengok tu ada banyak semut dekat badan dia!!!’...I almost snapped the poor thing up; the thought of millions of ants crowding on this poor almost dead kitten! UGH!

So. I cupped it in the palm of my hand & carried it to our stable...wait...from now on I’m going to assume it’s a she because only females are tri-coloured. This one is white except for the base of her ears & her whole tail. Cute! Then, wiped off most of the goo with wet cotton wool...her eyes are greyish bluish! Once the goo was off she tried walking around but always fell down after a few steps. Probably still weak, but I noticed that her right fore is a bit funny...maybe closer inspection is due after she recovers.

Found a cage that has been sitting unused in the sawdust storeroom for ages (turns out Ah Uai wanted to use it to catch Kusi during his pre-Amoi days...appropriate name for that period of time in his life, the time when there was no one to feed him...hahahahah...lucky bugger of a cat!), didn’t know what to feed her so put some water in the cage, lined it & went home.

Bought some tinned food for her before returning for afternoon work, but she was not interested. Finally got too worried & called Dr. Ranjit in hopes that her clinic was open today.
Thank heavens it was!

While waiting for Dr. Ranjit to attend to us I was actually thinking of the name I would give to her to fill in my record card. Looking at the poor little kitten (remember, she fits perfectly in my hand!), nyawa-nyawa ikan like that, starving & dah jadi anak yatim piatu... the name Tiny Tim came to mind...

Because I had just watched the Disney cartoon version of The Night Before Christmas a few days ago, & this kitten reminded me of Tiny Tim, small poor lame fella...although this kitten is a she, but what the heck! It’s my kitten & I’ll name it whatever I wanna!!! Rebellious streak...I wonder what that means...hahahahah...

Anyway Dr. Ranjit didn’t ask for any name because she knows that I bring in strays from time to time (don’t charge me no consultation fee either...wonderful lady...but talk about inter-human relations...YIKES...scary!!! But sometimes I wish I could be like her!), so she is just listed as...kitten. Hahahahah...

But I shouldn’t be getting too attached to her, because when I said I couldn’t afford to keep another cat (moolah, emotional & time-wise), he said he would give it to his girlfriend, but it would take a few days for her to come collect.

At first I wanted to name her Blackie because my poor original Blackie (the cat, not the human!) has gone missing for almost 3 weeks now, bless his soul...& I said ‘Blackie punya semangat dah masuk kucing ini itu pasal dia boleh bertembung dengan saya’...hahahahah...an over-ambitious imagination at work here!

Anyway, RM27 of angpau cash lost in the spirit of saving Tiny Tim! Well...money well spent I suppose. Tiny Tim! I hope she’s doing alright tonight...will go a bit earlier to work tomorrow to see how she’s doing.

‘& God bless us, everyone!’...bah humbug!

Clothes Are Our Weapons, Our Challenges, Our Visible Insults.

2010-02-24T04:02:00.000-08:00

I like this title...found it in yourdictionary.com, quoted by Angela Olive Carter in 'Notes for a Theory of Sixties Style', in New Society (1967). Yes, kick ass clothes are like a whip that snaps you in the middle of the eyes! LOL

The most boring second-day-of-CNY-cum-Valentine’s-Day ever!

Not that I’ve been one to really go all out to celebrate CNY, or have uber lovey-dovey plans for Valentine’s, but I just feel bored & well... that cartoon-character-walking-around-with-legs-dragging-on-the-ground kind of feeling..!

In the evening I actually gathered enough motivation to clear out & reorganize the aftermath of yesterday’s Great Closet Dig-out. Now I am proud to say that everything is more or less colour coordinated & arranged according to function: dresses, misc, followed by jackets. I never knew I have so many jackets! Omigawd...it’s true what they say, you have to arrange the clothes you own in plain sight so that you can actually take into account how many items you have, therefore preventing you from making more purchases!

I think I need a bigger wardrobe. Tee hee hee...

I think I’ve accumulated the most dresses in my life last year. Yes, 2009 was the year that Ee Lee was converted from a two-piece, mix & match girl to a summer dresses girl! Does that make sense. Whatever. Just writing about it also excited already lah..! Hahahahah...especially when my purchases are justified by others, I blame Su Yen the most...but I also get my own back: ‘GET IT!!!’...hahahahah...but our ‘approval & disapproval’ system works quite well, although sometimes we don’t see eye to eye...

But actually - & this should be in compulsory primary education all around the world – by trial, error & experimentation I have found that if you don’t immediately grab something you abso-fucking-lutely adore, there are two probable outcomes:
a) Go home & spend the day/weekend/week obsessing about Item. Upon realization that your life would not be complete without it, return to shop only to discover that Item has been purchased by Bitch X. Go home with heart drowning in disappointment, resentment & regret.
b) No moolah to purchase Item. Go home & spend the day/weekend/week obsessing about Item. Return to shop ASAFP & purchase item using credit card, even before discount season & though it is abso-fucking-lutely overpriced.

So you see dear readers, obviously we wouldn’t ever wish outcome A to our worst enemy (I would, actually...muahahahah), & well, outcome B is just delayed gratification, so in a world of instant gratification, I say we should have our Items now...NOW!!!

Yes I am getting too worked up over this. But in a positive way! Now I need to go out & buy something...hahahahah...

& yes, I need to over-express my feminine side whenever I can because I can’t do so in the workplace! What’s your excuse, smartypants!?!

I hope Tuesday’s work schedule is the same as Monday’s...more time to slack off at home! Hahahahah...yes I’m a professional slacker...

& it’s so damn hot this past week, can’t do anything in this heat, sweating even in my sleep!

Darn...

Suddenly I feel the urge to end this post on a bad note – not at anyone in particular, but just that:

Everyone does something for a reason – even if it is oblivious to the rest of the world.

So please don’t judge me........& I’ll try my best not to judge you as well!

Accept me for who I am, & I will try to accept you too!

Don’t over-analyse my actions, don’t bitch about my decisions, don’t yammer about my life.

& no, I HAVE NEVER DATED A GWAILO. How the phuck do these people come up with things like these, I will never know! Seriously!!!

Aku suka benda-benda hitam saja okey!

Once you go black, you never go back!

HAHAHAHAH...got that last quote from White Chicks...well, sort of...the black guy in movie re-invented it by saying 'once you go black...you gonna need a wheelchair'!

Ooppps...looks like I’ve deviated from my mission & ended on a high note...damn I hate my sense of humour. I think I have to stop ‘collecting’ all these nonsensical one-liners. But hey yesterday I found out that my father actually has a small organizer that he has converted into an archive for funny one-liners from Dilbert comics. *sigh* The apple never falls far from the tree eh...lol

Happy CNY/Valentine’s peeps...love y’all! MUAH!

Blossom In The Tree, You Know How I Feel...

2010-02-23T03:05:00.002-08:00

Chinese New Year has never been something I really look forward to, except the joy of receiving numerous ang pau!

Because of the nature of my parents’ relationship (hahahah...lame how I attempted to avoid the D word! LOL), I would spend one CNY at my paternal grandparents’ in Sitiawan, the next at my maternal grandparents’ in KL, & so forth. Looking back, I think it is safe to say that the thing I most looked forward to besides the angpaus was the animals. In KL Poh Poh would have at least one cat at any given time, but these come & go as they please. My Sitiawan people had at least 10 dogs & a few cats, not to mention chickens & sometimes ducks; sometimes a squirrel or two. Because they run a few huge estates sometimes the dogs are ‘exported’ there to take care of the property.

Speaking of.

I suddenly remember an incident...I was probably around 12 at that time, & because I didn’t have any cousins my age to occupy me, I would usually be roaming free around the bungalow. At that time I was squatting down collecting some small purple seeds or something (from a vegetable plant I think) & putting them into a big plastic bag.

I was so still that this ollld dog (the dogs are usually the Spitz breed) named Magnum – yes I still remember his name – came up on my right & I unsuspectingly looked at him & he very coolly cocked up his hind leg & pissed on me!!! ‘Earrrrggghhh!!!’ I shouted, to his oblivion because he was half blind & probably half deaf as well, & I went inside & related the whole story, to my aunty’s amusement.

Yes, so you see why I love animals so much. You feed them, take care of them, & they piss on you. Wonderful!

After Kong Kong passed away the grownups had a tiff about the division of estate property. Now that I think of it I miss that special time & place.

The short (then considered long because when you’re a child you are excited about everything!) journey towards the countryside where you can feel change in the air, the time when I was still small enough to fit snugly across the backseat of a car; for some reason always waking up just a few turns away from our house, mee suah that step-grandmother used to make – reddd in colour, warning its consumers about its alcohol content...yum!

‘Dog wars’ during feeding time at 10pm. They would all get really worked up, bark & fight amongst themselves; & my Sitiawan uncle would dish out their food, then make them all sit quietly in front of their bowls until he pushes a bowl towards one of them, signalling that they can now eat...must have been some sort of Nazi camp for dogs or something...lol...but that’s discipline for ya!

It was very rare for cats to be allowed to sleep in the room. But I remember one particular cat who was allowed, & one night I woke up to find it curled up on my stomach! Bah humbug!!! But it was cute!

One of my favourites, maybe I remember him so well because he really stood out from the crowd – a non-Spitz dog named Blackie, for obvious reasons. He was a very gentle dog, not one to fight or bite. His favourite place was under the seat of those red, blue & white deck chairs that most Chinese households have. He was terrified of crackers so every time we had those long strings of crackers he would hide in our room. He was scared of his own reflection in the magnifying mirror. Hahahahah...

A few days ago KL grandparents did call me to invite me over, but I told them I was working.

But hey, I am working this whole weekend so it wasn’t a lie okey! Anyway they won’t miss one grandchild, especially not me, so...bah humbug!

I watched the Disney short cartoon of The Night Before Christmas so that is my current favourite phrase...BAH HUMBUG! Hahahahah...I am the Scrooge of Chinese New Year...lol...

But it was a nice gesture. Maybe they felt obliged to call me up because they didn’t want me to feel that just because Momma ain’t around I can’t celebrate with them.

Any ho, I don’t really get along with them so no love lost there.

This is the second Chinese New Year I’ll be spending working at the racing stables, & though I’m working as normal I still have time to mingle if I want to, but only locally! Last year Macha, Ah Uai & I went to Kim Leng’s house & then they came to collect angpau from Cuzons.

Oh...yesterday I cut Lingera’s mane...was damn blasted long & I thought he would feel better since it’s so hot (not taking into account that I myself have long hair which I don’t tie up while working...maybe he is hating me for making him ugly...hm...but he looks younger without all that hair!). So he has a new haircut for the new year!

A few days ago I learnt from Erico’s (yes I hereby knight you...ERICO THE LEAN MEAN PLU MACHINE!!! *light shining down from heaven*) blog that he was coming back for CNY & made plans to meet up with him. Instead during mid morning got demanded into buying him dimsum...ah, evil...evil...no lah, in the end he belanja me so it’s all good, please keep your pork choppers away...

Not really a reunion because we’d never met before, more like a reunion of friendship.

Okey I will stop here. I need my privacy too okey!!!

Hope to do something with my perempuans also, if they will have me...*sigh*, so sad...siapalah saya...but I think Michelle will be busy making snap arrangements for her move to PJ, & Su lives in Klebang now so it’s not like I can drive to her door, phone her & say ‘let’s go out’...yes I did it once to both of them & they were slightly amused.......I think.

Anyway by the time this is posted it will be like, what, a few days after the CNY weekend...so...yes I am just venting my festive mood more than anything.

Reunion dinner will be at Farsha’s house later, with step-siblings (eugh) & Uncle Terry too.

Still haven’t decided what to wear, sometimes I think I should not have gotten that tattoo, now I cannot expose my shoulder blades in the presence of the parentals! I think I will only reveal it after Australia...since I want to get another on the inside of my right wrist...mehhh...

I seem to be making a lot of nonsensical sounds these past few days. Am I moving forward or backward in the evolution process? Diiisss eeesss ayyy dawwwg...

Okey signing off here now. My wardrobe is upside down because I actually dug everything out this morning (rushing mah...lol) & they’re all like...in a mound in the below drawer & in the closet itself. I disgust myself sometimes.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

P.S. Momma says Chinese New Year is a non-event in New Zealand. I’d pretty much like that, then Ipoh would be free of traffic jam & I can roam around as normal. Muahahahah...but then we wouldn’t have holidays either, so it’s a win-lose situation!

P.P.S. It's so hot & I have a few other posts to prepare so I'm going to be nasty & not do a grammer check...please forgive!

The 2nd Biggest/Fastest Expanding Religion.

2010-02-12T05:57:00.000-08:00

Heyo all...

Had a few good topics to write about last night but was so doggone tired so I waited till today but now I have forgotten what I wanted to write about!

Okey then...let me recap my past weekend in KL - & before you bring out your pork choppers, I must tell all you KL-ites that I went with the parental units so couldn’t get in touch with you all.

As it is I only got ½ day off on Saturday so we left late in the morning. The main purpose of the trip was to go to the Steve McCurry exhibition at the Islamic Arts Museum. I was quite excited to go because this is the guy who took the famous Afghan Girl photograph.

Entry fee is RM12 per adult, with full access to the museum as well. I love looking taking & looking at pictures – they can invoke many emotions, which can lead to further contemplation of...okey I will stop here before you scold me for blabbering!

As an uneducated photography critic the most prominent thing I noted was that when McCurry takes portraits of people, their eyes either very strong or sad. Strong like the Afghan Girl’s, you get the sense of a girl whose soul has been toughened by a life war & hardship. They look back bravely like, ‘what the phuck are you looking at’. The sad eyes on the other hand are those full of melancholy, people who have seen too many loved ones suffer & have themselves suffered too much.

I remember one very well, a few young children climbing on an army tank’s gun snout or whatever it’s called. Some of them are hanging upside down by their legs, & they are all smiling & laughing. Amazing how an object of mass destruction can be considered ‘normal’, & even some sort of playground equipment! You’d think that they would have grown to fear the vehicle, but instead they have become so accustomed to having it around & adopt it as their toy!

There are 3 floors of Islamic heritage on display – manuscripts/jewellery/textiles/architecture etc. from Islamic communities around the world. The usual museum stuff.

What really caught my eye was the...erm...the piece of cloth (kisbah) that is used to cover the entrance to the Kaabah. It was a huuuge piece of cloth, with Jawi writings all over it embroidered in gold. The guide at the bottom translated the meanings of the different texts, things such as ‘no other God than Allah’; but the most interesting was ‘no compulsion in religion’. Amazing!

I feel it’s amazing because I’ve always thought that people who preach their religion usually try very hard to convince others that theirs is the only way to go, but it is the very rare person who shows others her religion by her kind words & actions, minus the preaching. So to see something like that inscribed on a piece of cloth that was placed on what is considered to Muslims the most holy place on Earth, was...gobsmacking!

I would say that was my most favourite museum exhibit, combined with the fact that it was hand embroidered...it would take a whole lot of motivation for me to embroider a small evening bag...this is a huuuge piece of cloth we’re talking about! & not to mention the complexity of Jawi writings, all those curves & tapering ends...I’m feeling tired just talking about it!

Surprisingly the ladies in charge of admissions were also very well mannered, yes I really regret to say that experience has already taught me to expect nastiness when dealing with local workers so...yeah it was a pleasant surprise. & the place was very, very well maintained, I would say the museum represents the Muslim religion very well – clean, open spaces with a minimalist sort of feel to it.

Its patrons, however, are mostly uncivilized young blooded buggers with no regard for others.

When we arrived there were about 2 large groups of students (just a guess, well, they looked young enough) & they were rowdy & took photos in the McCurry exhibition hall. They even carried on even when told off by the guard! So there you have it, the future of Malaysia! Yippee

Yay! Three cheers for the lot of ya!

The younger generation...I say this because older people who were educated during the British occupation, heck those even slightly after British occupancy...seriously lack social manners & you know how it reflects on one’s self. Go figure, peeps...

How can you respect yourself if you have no respect for others? What does it say when you don’t know the proper procedures for being in a museum?

I can’t believe that there are people who are that ignorant to not know that taking photos at an exhibition is not permitted! Omigawd...good riddance to royalties & copyright! Bye bye! Down the drain they go!

Okey I am only working myself up here...so I would give a two thumbs up to the IAM but a thumbs down to its Malaysian patrons. Humbug!

The museum store is also amazing, maybe because I have never been to a religious store before, but there were sooo many reading materials, in Malay & English (I only noticed these two, was strapped for time so couldn’t linger long). Various English translations of the Quran as well, I found a bee-yoo-tiful one which had pink as its main colour & on each page there are lovely motives from different Islamic cultures around the world. Almost bought it until Farsha said he has a translated version, so I will be borrowing his first.

A bit sad that I can’t own the pink one, but it sort of makes sense not buying it, the Bible has always been mine, the Gita given by an original Indian (is there such a thing as original & cetak rompak??? I amuse me sometimes!), & an inherited Quran. I love it when people can get along regardless of religion. Now I will have a collection of books which will also remind me of the people dear to me.

I bought a bookmark too, a flowery picture of Turkish embroidery, & the words:

Everyone aims at the same meanings, But many are the version of the story.

Don’t hate me yet, but I also bought a mini book, The Perfect Names & Attributes of Allah; actually I bought two, one for Uncle Isa because he has helped me out a lot with Lingera over the past year. Come to think of it I don’t know why I got it, but at that time it seemed like a nice idea because it only costs RM6 (don’t tell Uncle Isa...:P) & the names make sense, like

Al-Hameed: The Praiseworthy, the praised one who deserves to be praised.
Al-Waliyy: The Protecting Friend, the Supporter.

I think it’s nice to once in a while have a quick flip through & be reminded of what God is to us.
& no my dear readers I am not converted yet...but please give me the time of day because I am only trying to find my way towards God. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you think I am unworthy to hold those 99 names close to my heart, because...well, why wouldn’t you want to share your God with others? Is your love for God as selfish as that?

Semulia-mulia kamu di sisi Allah ialah orang yang lebih takwa di antara kamu, bukan keturunan & bangsa.

Nuff said!

Interesting fact I juuust found:

KAABA, the house of ALAAH in MEKKAH is covered by a black cloth called “KISWA” which is produced by and chnaged every year disinged by a special factory in MEKKAH.
Costs approximately US $ 17 MILLION.
The cloth is made of 670 kgs of SILVER and dyed BLACK. About 129 kgs. of PURE GOLD and 50 kgs. of SILVER used in writing the QURANIC VERSES over the cloth.
Total area of the cloth is 658 sq. meters

Yes, I copied & pasted. Sue me already why don't ya.

& I Pray...Oh My God Do I Pray...I Pray Everyday...For A Revolution!

2010-02-11T05:51:00.000-08:00

My horoscope in The Star today:

First, you wish you had something & then you wish you had quite the opposite.

What can I say? Sorry folks, today I’m not going to be a bore & repeat myself again, but everything bad is good for you! Serious!

To grab an idea from Conversations With God: You can’t be something if you don’t approve of its opposite. Because everything is relative; what defines ‘good’ if there is no ‘bad’, what is ‘hot’ without ‘cold’? Sometimes you first have to experience something before deciding whether that or its opposite is what you want to be.

Very true, my friends...very true.

Therefore bless everything, good or bad; because you cannot be something if its opposite does not exist.

The past few days have been freaking hot, today was no exception save for the fact that it got cloudy towards the end of the workday & now it’s raining cats & dogs.

I love the rain!.......when I’m safe & dry indoors that is. Muahahahahah...

Four Non Blondes’ song ‘What’s Going On’ came on air just now, & I just realized I can’t sing this part anymore:

'Twenty five years & my life is still tryin’ to get up that great big hill of hope...for a destination...'

Damn I feel old!!!

I’m going to be ‘poyo’ today & wear my black leggings, take advantage of the cold weather to dress differently! Yay for rainy days! Hahahahah...

Tak suka? Dakwalah aku! Blehhh!!!

Why You So Obsessed With Me?

2010-02-10T05:33:00.000-08:00

Just discovered a new ‘like’: painting my nails while listening to Alanis Morisette’s One Hand In My Pocket. Yes, I know I’ve gushed about the song before so I’m not going to today...
While waiting for it to dry, looking at pictures of good times...great!!!

Today is payday...yay! Unfortunately I’d already squandered this month’s pay in advance...muahahahah...yes, yes...I hear ya alright...I am trying hard to make amends!

I just found out yesterday that the Body Worlds: The Origin & The Cycle of Life exhibition in Singapore is until the 6th of March! Omigawd! That means I only have this weekend & the first week of March to attend! Omigawd!!! I thought I had more time than that!

I saw the advert...where I can’t remember but it caught my attention because it is...well...real people read about how their bodies will be scientifically immortalized after they die (filled with formaldehyde or something) & put on show for the world, & they sign a contract like, ‘yes I pledge my body to so-&-so for the benefit of mankind’ or something; & voila(!) there you have it: Body Worlds.

Besides humans in various postures there are also animals. Yay!

The aim of the exhibition is to create awareness towards human health, there will be for example, the lungs of a non-smoker & a smoker; & I think it is very intriguing & really just grabs your attention because they use real human specimens, which may be just a psychological thing but yeah when you actually know that the ‘thing’ in front of you used to be someone’s daughter, sister, friend; it really makes you stop & consider things differently.

There are quite a few people against this exhibition (to quote Cat of '10 Things I Hate About You': Thus the basis of its appeal!), they say that it degrades the magnificent human body & makes light of human dignity, blah blah blah...

Some say it invokes wonder about human mortality, & I dare say I’m on this bandwagon. Because after the soul is gone, the body is no longer needed – better for it to be used in educating (& in the process probably even saving!) others than to go back to the earth like millions of others!

But it is still kinda spooky, because you hear stories about souls being trapped in bodies etc. & one can’t help but look at the specimens & imagine themselves trapped inside; staring down motionlessly at the millions of people visiting every day.

One more exhibition I’m dying (eugh...wrong word to use at this point of time!) to attend: Steve McCurry’s Travels Through The Muslim World at the Islamic Arts Museum. This however is on until the 8th of April so no worries, but if I want to take a few days off in March I think I should be making a move to KL this week or next; since the last two weeks of February is Ipoh Races.

I’d never heard of the Islamic Arts Museum before, & from the website it seems like quite a nice place, but the article in The Star newspaper featured so many beautiful photos (Steve McCurry is the guy responsible for the all-time famous portrait ‘The Afghan Girl’) & I wouldn’t want to miss this opportunity!

So there, my two current obsessions! Hope all will turn out well!

God Loves You Because Of Who God Is, Not Because Of Anything You Did Or Didn't Do.

2010-02-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

22nd January 2010.

Today is Ah Tai & Man Ni's 'sek chau fun' dinner.

On a personal note (yeah, who cares about the newlyweds, eh!), I just found out that the Gita I borrowed from a friend, he actually gave to me! I thought it was just on loan!

It's one of the bestest & surprising gifts ever. Although it is secondhand...no...even more so that it is secondhand, because I think that for most people, no matter how un-spiritual or un-religious they are, have a special place deep in their hearts for holy books; so if it comes from someone who is not un-spiritual & not un-religious, it would have been quite dear to him.

So that in itself was...no, is a very touching gesture.

Yep, gratitude for good friendships & small blessings.

What Other People Think About You Is None Of Your Business.

2010-02-01T02:04:00.000-08:00

Fuck.

I wrote the same post twice & twice the damn program errored & so I am doing it on WordPad now. What the fuck.

Anyway. It goes something like this...

I know, I know; I have been slacking in the posting department again. I have to admit - I have been keeping a diary of late! Perhaps it is because the privacy & confidentiality of a diary allows the brain juices to flow more smoothly - no worries about hurt feelings, dirty little secrets exposed, etc.

Today's post is simple enough: gratitude for friendships.

Recently I got back in touch with a 'touch & go' (his words, not mine!) friend...let's call him...Wonderguy (this nickname probably wilted with the mIRC!).

As you could've guessed I met him over the mIRC back in the day when dial-up was the only & FASTEST Internet connection. When it was cool to log on from night till 6am (literally!), meet up with online friends at Kinta City's Capcom station; the dawn of online gaming. Omigawd sounds so cheesy now!

Anyway, I have never met up with him before, & we actually lost touch until the advent of Facebook. Even then we have never been in close contact, just stupid comments & that sort of nonsense that Facebook allows.

Recently I sent him a 'omigawd-Wonderguy-is-my-god-I-wanna-be-just-like-him' message. Don't get me wrong, I ain't no groupie, I just am the kind of person who needs constant affirmation so I like to give it to people too; & although I don't know Wonderguy well, from his 'social interactions' I can see that he is as real as you can get.

I need more people like this in my life.

People who are self-confident, independent, honest.

People who march to the rhythm of their own tune, but not at the expense of others.

People who are willing to be there when you need them.

Okey, okey...I know there are others out there but takkan I have to mention every one of you ke! Then I'd really be a groupie!!!

Anyway, point is, I'm grateful that although I have very few people who'd qualify as real friends, I'd like to think that I'm blessed.

All the scum has been filtered out for me...lol...so bad...

Actually, I hope to 'upgrade' my filter more this year...muahahahahah...

Here's to good friends, & good friendships.
(Just realized that I can't say good wine/beer/booze anymore so at the very last moment I had to come up with something corny!)

The Wise Lament Neither For The Living Nor The Dead.

2010-01-25T04:24:00.001-08:00

This morning I read an article in Kosmo about a suspected thief being beaten to death by others in Haiti (7.0 magnitude earthquake hit them last week). There were two pictures, one of the man, naked, lying down amongst some stuff with his feet bound at the ankles using some sort of wiring. Another man had his arm holding an object mid-swing above his head. The second was of a fire.

It turns out that the people suspected this guy of stealing & subsequently stripped him naked & beat him to death before burning his body. It makes me sick. I feel dizzy & nauseated. A tragedy can serve to bring out either side of us humans – the animalistic or the humane (how coincidental that the word contains the word ‘human’...for lack of a better word I use this). It is disturbing indeed. I mean, the poor guy was only doing what was basic human instinct – surviving. But then again it could be said that everyone there is just trying to survive at the moment, & it is somewhat the ‘survival of the fittest’ now. Whatever...it is still traumatic to witness something like that.

Regret...I feel so much regret about this. So much sadness. But at least I have some comfort in the Gita – the soul can never be cut to pieces by any weapon, nor burned by fire, nor moistened by water, nor withered by the wind. (This is actually Dr. Pratul’s tattoo also!)

Then later in the evening Cuz Yang Mengandung called to say that her gold chain got snatched in front of the house. A Malay & Indian guy on a motorcycle.

Sometimes I understand why one can commit acts of violence towards others. Like the suspected thief...the people were angered because they themselves had limited resources & couldn’t afford someone stealing from them. & maybe they thought it would serve as a lesson to other ‘would-be’ thieves.

When someone hurts or jeopardizes the ones you love, there is sure to be a spark of indignation & outrage deep within us. That urge to protect them & gain some sort of ‘justice’ for them.

But how far should that urge be taken? How much pain & suffering are you willing to inflict on others? Where does it all stop? When does it all stop?

I am scared.

For the first time in my life I am really scared about going out of the house. I am scared about going out of the compound to my car tomorrow morning. I am scared about coming back from work. About walking to my uncle’s house, sleeping alone.

It is a horrible thing to lose that sense of security, especially in a neighbourhood of families, which in theory should be a safe community.

What happens when that trust is lost? What happens when you constantly feel threatened & afraid?

I miss Melbourne & Singapore. More like, I miss walking down the street without having to worry so much about:
i. Someone following me...on foot, on a motorcycle, in a car, in a van, in a *insert mode of transportation here*
ii. Snatch thieves on foot, motorcycle, etc.
iii. Perverts, molesters, rapists
iv. Pickpockets

It is difficult to relax & enjoy life when so much brainpower is spent considering all of the above simultaneously.

I’d always thought of myself as alert but Blackie is always scolding me & saying that I am not.

Maybe I am just lucky? I do make an effort, as subtle as it may seem. But maybe I still give people the benefit of the doubt too much.

This is one of the times I wish I had someone stronger around. Just so that if I am being watched, they know that there will be someone here to protect me. To have someone to watch out for me.

Am I strong enough? I pray to God to protect my family, friends & myself; but...but what? I don’t know myself...I just hope I don’t become a target.

One Life Ends, Another Begins.

2010-01-06T05:38:00.000-08:00

One life ends, another begins.

Yes, I stole this from the movie Avatar...which in my opinion is one of the must watch movies of 2009, alongside 2012, Transformers &...&...I can't remember..!

Last year saw me at my most party-hardy-est. I've never been one to booze the night away, & in the beginning it was all fun & games, but upon hindsight I am ashamed. Don't get me wrong, I think booze & ciggies are all good, & I'm not converted to the 'haramkan air setan' frame of mind yet (yet!) - I think that these are substances that require serious self-control & discretion. Self-control in the sense that you don't prowl the clubs with the sole intent of pissing the night away. Discretion in the sense that you know your own limits, & therefore know when to say no or stop.

Each to his own ideas.

From my personal experiences (directly & indirectly) with these elements, I have come to a conclusion that they are unworthy of my time, body & spirit. Heck, I can still dance, I can still have a fuck-tabulous time sober! I don't alcohol to get high, I'm high on life! Geez that sounded so damn cheesy! ROFL

I've made frenemies & God knows what other mistakes. It almost cost my friend her life.

It may seem like two few reasons or experiences to count for a solid conclusion, but the indirect implications ar etoo many & too personal to mention, therefore dear reader, be content with the above two reasons!

Don't get me wrong, I still love the clubbing scene very much, because I love music & dancing. But I hate the materialistic fakers & posers who always want something for nothing.

I may be a nothing now, but don't forget that you are a nothing to me too.

This year marks a new beginning (actually started end of November last year but what the hey), a new phase of my life. As my blog title proclaims, 'everything bad is good for you', so I don't harbour much regret (just a teensie bit!) about the past year because I learnt a lot from it. A lot.

& that has made me who I am today.

'Thank you'. I suppose.

Happy Xmas & Merry New Year!

2010-01-05T05:19:00.000-08:00

The last day of the year & my horoscope in The Star papers is:

You will consider matters which border on the philosophical or the religious.

Hm...just when I was planning a quiet night in alone. Fate, or mere coincidence?

Xmas partying was not too bad, if compared to the night before - the crowd was dead & everyone kept looking at us because of our skin colour.

I thought I'd spend the night reading & catching up on blogging, but turns out there was a small makan at the padang so naturally spent most of the night at Uncle Terry's house. The Da Vincci Code is airing on AXN at the moment. I like the show but couldn't last till the end so here I am!

Hopes & aspirations for the new year.

There was this guy on tv who said, 'just like everyone else, I want to be a better person' & I exclaimed 'but I don't want to be a better person!?!'...I don't think my cousin understood me.

Anyway.

This year:
I will help animals more.
I will choose my friends more wisely.
I will live for me.

& a few I am afraid I may not keep(!):
I will try to be more serious at work!
I will try to monitor my food intake!
I will try to keep the house clean!

Hopes:
I hope new, honest & reliable opportunities open up for me.
I hope I will recognize them when they come knocking!
I hope I will be more extroverted when it matters.

A random act: an interesting extract from Anne Frank's diary (they have almost been found out by the police, & Anne is contemplating the Jewish population's fate, etc.):

...We have been pointedly reminded that we are in hiding, that we are Jews in chains, chained to one spot, without any rights, but with a thousand duties. We Jews mustn’t show our feelings, must be brave & strong, must accept all inconveniences & not grumble, must do what is within our power & trust in God. Sometimes this terrible war will be over. Surely the time will come when we are people again, not just Jews.

Who has inflicted this upon us? Who has made us Jews different from all other people? Who has allowed us to suffer so terribly up till now? It is God that has made us as we are, but it will be God, too, who will raise us up again. If we bear all this suffering & if there are still Jews left, when it is over, then Jews, instead of being doomed, will be held up as an example. Who knows, it might even be our religion from which the world & all peoples learn good, & for that reason & that reason only do we have to suffer now. We can never become just Netherlanders, or just English, or representatives of any country for that matter, we will always remain Jews, but we want to, too.

Be brave! Let us be aware of our task & not grumble, a solution will come, God has never deserted our people. Right through the ages there have been Jews, through all the ages they have had to suffer, but it has made them strong too, the weak fall but the strong will remain & never go under!

I shall leave it at that, open to your own interpretation...

Happy New Year!

Hold Tight, Spidermonkey! (This will always remind me of Su now...lol)

2009-12-10T05:29:00.000-08:00

Twilight.

I never thought much of the books or the movie, simply because the ‘vampire’ theme didn’t appeal to me – I’m not much of a fantasy or science fiction fan.

Thus, being appealed to watch the movie by Su Yen so that I can join PerempuanKuasaDua for New Moon next week, I borrowed the DVD from my pregnant cousin-in-law, with the solemn warning, ‘Take care of it ah!’

Geez, it’s just a movie, for cryin’ out loud!

Anyway, I’ve never understood the female population’s obsession with Robert Pattison...he’s so pale, so...freaky looking..! (This has NO relationship whatever to the fact that I always say 'saya suka benda hitam aje' okey!!! lol)

About 30 minutes into the movie, I begin to comprehend my fellow girlies. The character portrayed by Pattison, Edward Cullen, is the epitome of what we all want in a man, someone who is fiercely protective of us, who would risk life & limb for us. That plus the thrill of having something we cannot have, in this instance, the taboo subject of a ‘vegetarian’ vampire getting it on with a mortal. This is brought to another level when the vampire is in danger of suddenly turning omnivorous anytime. & I suppose it is heart-melting to think that a guy could muster so much self control for love.

Yep. That about sums it up. But how far would you go for love? I mean, Bella hadn’t even known, much less date Edward for a month but already she’s piggy-back jumping up trees & mountains, playing baseball with his family & telling him to transform her into one of them.

(Message from Su just came in: You are my personal brand of heroin. LOL!!! I have to admit, I somewhat deserve an ‘I told you so’ for not believing in the power of ‘Twilight’....oooooooohhh!!! LOL)

So. Yep. Maybe life has gotten me a bit cynical, but hey, I ain’t complaining if they want to produce more knight-in-shining armour movies!

Keep Rollin', Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'...

2009-12-09T05:23:00.000-08:00

2010.

Two words: Fucking good!

The range of emotions that each scene captures is amazing & invites the audience to make their own interpretation, for example the fat Russian ex-boxer guy with twin sons whose girlfriend was having an affair with his (hot!) personal assistant:

Bought tickets for himself & his sons but not for his girlfriend because he knew she was fooling around with the personal assistant (evil: revenge).

Sacrificed his life for his son (good: familial love).

So it really depends how you look at a situation – in one way a person may be evilistical, in another way he may be a saint.

I like the way they portrayed the way the animals were being transported into the arks (ark in Malay is ‘bahtera’!!! Omigawd!), in their specially-fitted harnesses being carried by helicopter into the mountains...unexpected!

& it wasn’t all morbid goriness & doom. There were small injections of humour where you’d least expect it, like the Russian girlfriend giving her ‘boyfriend’ the third finger after boarding the ark.

Some parts were really too much, especially when catastrophe begun; & the limousine/plane/RV is going at full speed, overcoming all obstacles & juuust about staying ahead of the surface crack/cloud of dust.

I suppose the main question (amongst others) is: what would you do? Before, during, after?

Before. Would you be able to remain calm, knowing that you are thisclose to death? What sort of amends would you make to your life – ask others for forgiveness, pray to a God you didn’t believe in?

During. If you were in the position of power, would you open the ark doors to those on the outside, thus affecting your supplies etc.? Would you be able to remain calm & functioning, or go berserk?

After. IF, you survived, what kind of person would you be? Negatively strengthened through the ‘survival of the toughest’ process, or kinder & more devoted to the human race?

Questions, questions, questions. Makes you contemplate your own situation. I love movies like that.

I think my major weakness in life is that I give people the benefit of the doubt waaay too much.

Upon hindsight, some of it may be my own naivety, but some of it was just...I think 80% of the normal population would say it was unexpected. & it hurts. It hurts like hell.

& just like in Eat Pray Love, I find that if you ask for help, more often than not you will get it.

Maybe not directly, but...well I suppose this is somewhat of a ‘law of attraction’ in progress – in my darkest moments there are unexpected angels who turn up to help make things that much easier.

The first I realized was when I was brooding (yes, learnt from the same book...I’m glad to see I’m not the only brooder around here...I’m normal...yay for Ee Lee!!!) again, & I thought to myself, ‘I just want this feeling to go away, I don’t know what to do, I try to be a good person but sometimes I can’t take things back, I don’t know who to turn to, I don’t know how I can trust...’... & suddenly Small Dog (Puppin’s new name...lol) comes & sits next to me. You often read of animals comforting their owners in times of distress, & there were times when I thought ‘how come my blasted animals don’t do that’ & I had somewhat given up on that notion so it was really unexpected. & from that day onwards I can see that he likes to be near me, & Big Dog (Sponge’s new name too...hahahahah) has followed suit.

Yesterday I attempted to take the first step to redemption, to closure. Failed. So I was feeling down, because there are so many emotions involved when you are not given a chance to gain closure. So I went on a solo trip to Tesco’s near Jusco, bought a tiger romper suit for my niece & we all had a heck of a laugh. Yes, the romper suit was amongst a number of other things that I purchased. Shopping IS a form of therapy, okey!

Today, made a second attempt, still failed. It was more or less expected, but I don’t see it as a fault on my part...wait...we’re getting too personal here!

Anyway...a few days ago I’d used some chalk to writte in front of Lingera’s stable: ‘It’s a beautiful day!’, referring to the U2 song. & every time I look at it I remember, yes, it IS a beautiful day, why the fuck should I let things get me down when there are a million other things worth being grateful for? Idiota, how much time I’ve wasted...brooding!!!

Coincidentally that book has been a big, BIG help too, I can somewhat relate to the situations in the book, & it’s great that in a way I have someone telling me, I imagine, like a professor to his chemical engineering students; ‘I did A & I got B’, or ‘I did A, & I decided to do C, & got D’; because it instantaneously activates that infamous light bulb above my skull & it is comforting.

Sort of like a metaphorical night light, perhaps?

About a week ago, a colleague posted a status update in Facebook along the lines of:
‘Never make someone a priority in your life if you are just an option to them, because it will hurt & they will take every opportunity to hurt you.’

Another lesson well learnt.

So yes, again I am taking steps toward that, doin’ it Gandhi style, rollin’ the Elizabeth Gilbert way...although sometimes it still hurts like hell, I’m counting my blessings & walking away.

I read somewhere that ‘heaven & hell is perceived.....’. So yes, sometimes you may not be able to change the way people react to you, but you CAN choose how YOU react to...well, almost anything!

Liz used the Sanskrit phrase ‘Ham-Sa’ which means ‘I Am That’ to help facilitate her meditation, as it is easy & is almost the same sound as when we breath in & out. Sometimes when My thoughts are haywire I try to use this to calm myself, but this is usually when I’m going to sleep & so I’m more or less in Lalaland by the time I’m calm!

I need to find out how it looks like in Sanskrit, new tattoo perhaps?

I Don't Even Call You Baby Cause That's What I Call My Dog...

2009-12-08T05:20:00.000-08:00

I’m reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (again, thanks Michelle!). I went through the first chapter, the stories about her adventures in Italy; like an Ethiopian at a buffet dinner. I have always loved the idea of travelling alone – the flexibility to do anything anytime; just spending a few days of ‘me’ time contemplating ‘me’.

There is a part where she is having a conversation with her Tandem Exchange Partner Giovanni about why she doesn’t feel like she fits in 100% in Rome:

‘Maybe you & Rome just have different words...Don’t you know that the secret to understanding a city is to learn – what is the word of the street?’

Then he went on to explain that every city has a single words that defines it, that identifies most people who live there. If you could read people’s thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought.

Whatever majority thought might be – that is the word of the city. And if your personal words does not match the word of the city, then you don’t really belong there.

So after that Liz is left contemplating her ‘word’, which got me thinking, what’s my word?

Is it ‘peace’ or ‘non-violence’, like Gandhi’s? How can it be, when at times I can feel anger, resentment, & violence building up inside me?

Is it ‘strong’? I’d like to think so, but sometimes I feel so weak, like I’m just a phony putting on a brave face for the world. Occasionally (& usually quite unexpectedly!) people tell me their personal stories & I think to myself, ‘wow, I never knew this fella had so much going on...he looks so...happy!’! & then I start to question if this is human nature, putting on a brave face, & that I should just accept it?

Is it...’love’? Another word I’d like to make mine, but I’m beginning to feel cynical towards it; the people you love - even though they claim to love you – lie, cheat & ‘abuse’ you, leaving you wondering if it’s even worthwhile.

An old song comes to mind, Quizzical by Juliet the Orange (a two-girl local act, I forgive you if you haven’t heard of them before because they ain’t that famous). In it the girl is asking her partner why they love her, because she doesn’t cook, she ‘don’t call you baby cause that’s what I call my dog, it would have sounded funny & so strange’, etc.

Quizzical.

I know I’m not quizzical as to why Blackie is into me, but maybe quizzical towards people, towards the world, towards life? Perhaps all my quizzical-ness would eventually lead to self-fulfilment? I hope so...

The process of elimination.

Somehow Find, You & I Collide.

2009-12-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

Had a major closet examination a few moments ago. A long overdue one in fact. I remember last month when Su agreed with me that one has to conduct a ‘fashion show’ before deciding which items of clothing to keep & which to ditch. So happy to know that I’m not psycho...or at least I’m not the only psycho in existence! Hahahahah...

I hadn’t seen some of my clothes for some time, due to the messy nature of my closet sometimes they get buried under the more often worn ones. I imagine they are quite hurt by my behaviour...

Anyway.

I tried on a skirt that I have not worn for about 3 years. An A-lined grey one with a line of lace going diagonally across. The reason I have been hanging on to it all this while is because it is a product of the collaboration between my aunty & me (wah...like damn big clothing line like that!).

I suppose I was in a phase of life where I wanted new clothes but at the same time didn’t know shit about shopping. & that’s when my aunty suggested I try making a few of my own; after all, she’d made most of her clothes when she was my age!

So.

Aunty Bee was looking after a boy named Kian Teong at that time (wonder how the bugger is, is regret not keeping in touch...), & his mother works at the General Hospital. Every year the hospital gives its employees cloth to make their own uniforms (or something to that effect...in short we got the material from her), so we had a few metres of cloth, if I remember correctly probably even a whole reel! (As I was typing the previous sentence, I was actually reminded that Aunty Bee’s cushion covers are of the same material, but she somehow got them printed with tiny white flowers ala Laura Ashley & in that split second I was like, ‘have to ask her where she got it printed lah’. Amazing how you sometimes catch yourself off guard like that, even after so long... )

Instead of leaving it plain, she suggested we put a line of lace across, so we went to a seamstress’ shop & picked one out. At home, we placed the lace in all sorts of positions, horizontally, vertically, two rows, three...& in the end decided to go with a single one slightly diagonally across.

I don’t quite remember much of the actual process of cutting, sewing, etc. but these are what little memories of our genius collaboration (actually, more like her genius & my going along with the plan!).

The result of which I have a unique piece of clothing that no one else has, & most of all a solid reminder of the good times we had together.

Although now it sits a little higher on my waist than before, & even then is a little snug, I’m definitely keeping it, & telling everyone the story behind it. Where’s my mic?

I miss her.

It Is A Dangerous Thing When Man Purports To Speak For God.

2009-12-06T05:15:00.000-08:00

There has always been some discrepancy about what Christians call their God.

Herald May 31, 2009.

As Shakespeare said in Romeo & Juliet:
‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other word would smell just as sweet.’

Compare the importance of a name to issues of human morality.

Would it be alright to call God by the correct name but do not live up to his teachings?

Take all the religions in the world, multiply that by the different languages available, & you’d probably get a million different names for the ‘Highest One’.

As it is, Muslims have 99 different names for him.

Don’t even get me started on the gender issue.

Religion: noun. 1. The belief in and worship of a God or gods. 2. A particular system of faith and worship.
ORIGIN : Latin: obligation, reverence’.

Generally speaking, all religions promote goodness & shun evil. Aren’t we then bonded together as one?

If only we could look past (to me) superficial matters like historical events, past misgivings, what we can & cannot consume, etc.; we are the same.

So why waste all this energy playing ‘My God Is Better Than Your God’?

There are some who even label their religion as ‘pick & choose’, meaning they pick things they like from various religions, & are not bound to any particular one.

I have to admit I am sometimes that way, & I worry about what God would say about that.

I don’t know what to believe in – nobody is 100% of what happened during Jesus’/Prophet Muhammad’s/Krishna’s/etc. time.

& I do admit that I have not set aside a specific period in my life to dedicate myself to studying different religions.

Well, maybe you could conclude by now that I am happy just trying my best to get through every day, taking one step at a time, learning from mistakes & trying not to repeat them.

Those Who Are Wise Lament Neither For The Living Nor The Dead.

2009-12-05T05:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, a friend’s father was admitted to the ICU after a long battle with cancer. The friend helps her mother out at the Turf Club canteen, while her father was a supervisor at Peter Lee’s stable.
Every morning I park in front of the canteen & make a quick but groggy decision whether to have the hot dog sandwich or sardine ‘popiah’ to eat while walking to the stables, & then order some food for breakfast later. This time, there was no food to be ordered, & my friend said there was none today, because her father had been admitted to the ICU. Shocking news, so early in the morning!
Late this morning I learnt that he had passed on.

How fast life changes...I know I’ve said it again & again, but this really astounds me.

Although I don’t recall who that particular supervisor is, my heart goes out to his family.

I feel really bad & upset, I don’t know why...

Perhaps I feel guilty that I didn’t realize that their family member was ill.

Or maybe I feel sad for their loss.

Maybe it is...all of the above?

I crossed this phrase in a friend’s book, Bhagavad-Gita As It Is:

The Supreme Personality of Godhead said: ‘Those who are wise lament neither for the living nor the dead.’

Yes, simply put, all life has a beginning & an end. It is inevitable. So why get so worked up over endings?

Endings only serve to bring about new beginnings.

Who knows, maybe the afterlife is better than this?

Anyway, an end to sufferings is always a good thing.

Somewhere in the middle of this month Blackie 2’s uncle drowned in a nearby river. I had only seen him a week before, & suddenly he was gone. I have never really talked to him or gotten to know him because he was somewhat of an addict, but I was shocked nonetheless.

Again, questions play in my mind: What kind of person was he? What did he like & dislike? Was he ultimately a good or bad person?

& just a few days ago, the passing of Michael Jackson.

Shocking as well, but when you don’t know someone personally, the loss is less profound.

Anyway, millions are mourning his death, so his quota is probably fulfilled.

I am being mean.

However, I have observed one thing...

Mentanglah MJ dah meninggal, semua nak cakap dia baik. Bila dia hidup, semua nak maki dia gila. Inilah dipanggil LUMRAH MANUSIA.
‘Just because MJ has passed on, everyone is saying good things about him. When he was alive, everyone cursed him like mad. This is called HUMAN NATURE.’

It is only when things become irreversible that we find it in our hearts to forgive & forget. Why not now? Why not today, before it’s too late?

Niama geh pundek lu orang...

Housechores Are Evilistical!!!

2009-12-04T05:09:00.000-08:00

Today is a Wednesday . This weekend will be the first out of two weekends of Ipoh races. Blackie not back this time because only three horses from his stable are running.

Anyway.

The two mongrels must be thoroughly delighted because these past few weeks they have been allowed the luxury of sleeping indoors during the day. At first it was just Puppin because he is small enough to escape through the broken fencing (yes, the mongrels trod & stamped on the fencing until it finally gave way & some parts are actually fraying...damn.) & has a habit of chasing people & other moving objects. After a few days I felt a bit sorry for Sponge because he looked so...neglected outside. But I dislike letting him in because his fur is damn blasted oily & he sheds a whole damn lot, the bastard...

When I bathed them the other day I actually got so annoyed I took a scissors to his fur & cut off big clumps all over. I felt somewhat like Dave in Nisha Minha’s ‘Chapatti or Chips?’: ‘Sorted!’!!!

So, that means the floor is sticky & there is hair all over, so I have to clean up once every few days. Yes, I think the daily humdrum of the workplace is finally getting me into the habit of cleaning up. Double damn.

Oh yeah. The inspiration for my blog today (since I haven’t been ‘in the mood’ for such a long time, it seems appropriate to give my inspiration some spotlight!).

I was looking for some solid coloured bedsheets – I’ve decided I don’t like patterned bedsheets because they almost always clash with the curtains, floormats, etc. - & found some at Giant, selling for RM29.90 per piece. ‘Whaaa, so cheap ah!?!’ & consequently bought a pinkish looking one. After all, RM29.90 only what!!!

Yes, it went beautifully with my flowery curtains & Carebears pillowcases. Yes you read right the first time, Care-freakin-bears. The first loves of my life...hahahahah...

So, all was well until one day I realized the reason behind the inexpensive pricing. The parts where 'chaffing', if you may...always occurs started fuzzing up, I mean, like, small balls of cotton fuzz started forming & that particular area (when I’m lying down, it’s between my knees & ass!) got so fudging irritating that I got up in the middle of reading ‘Eat Pray Love’ (beautiful, beautiful book, terima kasih Michelle!), cleared all the clutter off the bed, tore off the damned thing & replaced it with one my aunty had bought eons ago, a garish coloured one which I knew would feel much more comfy than the pink one.

Bedsheet on, pillowcases on, pillows & blanket arranged like I was going to sleep; I literally jumped into bed, made a sort of snow-angel (bed-angel perhaps?) movement & laughed to myself. Crazy, yes; but this is what my life has come to – being deliriously happy because of good quality bedsheets. Darn.

I remember my aunty saying something about thread count but I don’t remember how much was good enough. Obviously isn’t 250 count.

Better luck next time!

An hour & 15 minutes more left of the day.

I think I’m going to feed the dogs, turn off the lights & switch on the reading lamp. Definitely one of my favourite electrical appliances, my reading lamp. You know how you read & read until you’re bushed & you either:
a) Get up to switch off the lights
Or
b) Go to sleep with the lights on?

Most of the time (most of the time!) I go for the former because I can’t stand the idea of electricity going to waste. But goddamnit when I plop back into bed I’m wide awake! Shiat...

& that’s the beauty of the reading lamp. ‘Annie stood on the lawn outside Kane’s house...zzz...wha??? *click* Thank God for reading lamps...zzzzzzzz...’.

Yep, amen brothers & sisters! Amen!

Vange Ane, Vange Akak, Vange!

2009-12-03T05:07:00.000-08:00

I’ve decided to come up with a list of must-dos for Deepavali (yep, this is a reeelly outdated post!). Actually I never really realized how much I enjoy Deepavali until I was out makan-ing at Ananda Bhawan’s with PerempuanKuasaDua & Su Yen commented that she has never seen me eat that much, so I must really enjoy Indian food...lol...I did not realize that myself! Hahahahah...

After that we walked the ‘night bazaar’ (siap dengan concert lagi tau!) snapping photos until one of the shopkeepers actually asked Fala where we were from – he thought we were from overseas! Hahahah...I think he must have been quite baffled when he found out that we are local! Hahahahah...

My previous visit to a Little India was in Singapore, so I was quite stoked to re-visit the sights & smells, but I realized that the smells were different compared to the Singapore Little India; a more spicy, incense-y smell dominated (& I mean, dominated!) there, whereas here the smells were pretty much muted, they don’t hit you in the face & make you go ‘WOAH’!

I love the myriad of colours, shiny ‘jigna’s, music (good from original artistes, sometimes not-so-good from the local performers!) & smells (sometimes!)...

The visual overload was overwhelming but I think I enjoy it only because in the back of my mind I know that I can escape from everything if things get too much! & yes, I can testify that sometimes too much of a good thing can be bad!

Anyways, I got a stack of gold bangles & Fala got some I-forgot-what-colour bangles. Everyone got sweet munchies especially me, I have have HAVE to fulfil my quota of pink coconut candy every once in a while, & I got RM4 worth of it this time! Muahahahahahahah...I’m down to my last piece today (about a week after Deepavali!)!

So, back to the list:
1. Pink coconut candy (no other colour accepted! Once I had some in a mamak shop near Dellorto’s Kajang house, the colour was like, damn damn faded pink, like as though it’s been left unnoticed on the top shelf & a layer of white fungus had grown on it. I hope my theory is wrong...hahahahah).
2. The white flour ball thingies that sort of melt in your mouth.
3. Anklets...I have always detested anklets but since Blackie bought me one about two years ago I’ve been addicted. So I punished him by enforcing a law...yes...a law...that I cannot buy my own anklets, HE must buy them for me...muahahahahah...padan muka!
4. I adore the fake flower banner thingy that they put across the doorway, orange, white & green. I used to detest such Indian-fied things but I suppose it grew on me. Didn’t get this year because don’t know how much it costs & as Su Yen reminded me, according to Chinese feng shui (not that I’m an avid follower) fake flowers are not encouraged because they will cause fake relationships. Yes, I told her that & now she is reminding me. Talk about my words biting me back in the ass! Hahahahah...
5. Current obsession: realistic-looking gold bangles. Bought my stack of 12 for RM12...expensive compared to the normal ones, but I’m quite happy with them.
6. Of course, there must be Indian food...mutton curry (yes, yes, I know...it might have been a yellow kambing...ARRRGGGHHH!!!) & palak paneer, my faves!).

So there you have it, my list of Deepavali must-haves. Oh yeah, they were playing classical Indian music at Jusco so that has been added to my current obsessions.

Last weekend Blackie came down & we went to Little India but the shops were all closed (went a bit too late) & he had to catch the bus back to KL so we only went to one audio store, & the guy was like, damn auta like that, sort of like brushed us aside saying they don’t have such music, songs with vocals yes, instrumental no. I think even if they did have the cd, I wouldn’t have bought it simply because of the poor treatment he gave us.

That’s when I realized that these m-fudgers would most probably not have these genre of music because the latest & greatest Rajni or Madhavan would make more moolah; & that a more commercial store like Friendly Records or something might have it, & it may not be an Indian ensemble either. Sometimes it quite amuses me how the whites take so much liking to our Asian ways, like how so many Australians were into Buddhism, Hinduism, alternative healing, etc. while my database is so limited!

So I decided to do some research online before blindly stepping into a record store trying to explain in English that I want classical instrumental Indian music to a Chinko who would most probably give me the I-so-have-no-fudging-idea-what-you’re-talking-about look.

Results for ‘classical music’ were Ravi Shankar. A few neurons sparked in my brain & I did a search on LimeWire. Now I have a few songs for NADA cash! Muahahahahah...yes I am evilistic when it comes to music...can’t live without it, yet can’t afford to buy it!

Graveyard Visiting.

2009-12-02T05:05:00.001-08:00

A few months ago I was on my way to my ‘mother-in-law’ ‘s place when I stopped at a traffic light, & on the opposite of the road on my right was a small Christian cemetery. Probably housed about less than 20 graves but was very well kept & neat, quite unlike the heebie-jeebie cemeteries they play up in movies.

That reminded me about the Chinese graveyard near the Polo Ground, & how annually there will be a major traffic jam there when the Chinese come to pay their respects & tidy up their ancestors’ resting places.

I have a question.

The first generation will make it a point to visit every year, out of obligation or filial piety. The same two reasons will motivate the second generation to visit as well. What about the third, fourth, & so on? How relative would they feel towards those people, although related through blood, they are literally strangers, people who existed decades apart from each other & lead/led completely different lives.

If no one came to burn incense & give offerings, would they be rolling in their graves, or turn into unhappy ghosts which wander the night in search of their next victim?

& so after the first & second generations vanish; & the graves become over-run with weeds & turn into ruins, what happens then? Would the government then bark out orders for some bomoh-ism of sorts to be done to placate the dead & then claim the place in the name of development? What sort of taboos are there to using a place which location which was previously the home of the dead?

Creepy.

Searching For Muh Kutzpah...

2009-10-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

Omigad I'm so lazi-fied to blog lah nowadays peepz...

Anyways I will make time for it lah...I promise...

Look on the bright side...if one needs to be emo to write, it means that I ain't emo anymore right? So you should be happy for me! ROFL

No lah, I am emo, just that I ain't got that much energy to vent nowadays...keeping myself busy to avoid that black hole...

So!

Watch this space!

Please Forgive Me, I Know Not What I Do...

2009-10-10T01:52:00.000-07:00

Found this in my inbox. I am getting blog-lazy, peepz...forgive me! lol

The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change.

We do our forgiving alone inside our hearts and minds; what happens to the people we forgive depends on them.

The first person to benefit from forgiving is the one who forgives.

Forgiving happens in three stages: we rediscover the humanity of the person who wronged us; we surrender our right to get even; and we wish that person well.

Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey.

Forgiving does not require us to reunite with the person who broke our trust.

We do not forgive because we are supposed to; we forgive when we are ready to be healed.

Waiting for someone to repent before we forgive is to surrender our future to the person who wronged us.

Forgiving is not a way to avoid pain but to heal the pain.

Forgiving someone who breaks a trust does not mean that we give him his job back.

Forgiving is the only way to be fair to ourselves.

Forgivers are not doormats; to forgive a person is not a signal that we are willing to put up with what he or she does.

Forgiving is essential; talking about it is optional.

When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner we set free is ourselves.

When we forgive we walk in stride with our forgiving God.

I Love You Enough To Let You Go.

2009-10-05T06:33:00.000-07:00

Hello.

It’s been a while.

Let’s just say...life got in the way.

& let’s just say...a lot has changed in those few weeks.

You may hate me for going ‘broken recorder’ but I have to say again:

I don’t know what I want, but I know what I don’t want.

In life, we always want something we cannot have.

When we get that precious thing...& it does us more harm than good, it is difficult to cut off that part that has become embedded in our hearts, because we have cherished & worked hard to put it on a pedestal, when in reality it is really a pebble on the road.

It is difficult to comprehend how mean people can be.

‘Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, does not mean they don’t love you’.

Apply this to family, lovers, friends, etc...how far would you take this idea?

Can someone say they love you but not want to talk to you?

Can someone say they love you but not care if you thought they did not love you?

If you told them that & they did not make any effort to make you think otherwise?

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, does not mean they don’t love you.

BS!

If you care about someone, you’d better damn well show it, because life is short...

& I sure as hell ain’t gonna give a rat’s ass about people who don’t give a rat’s ass about me.

Although I know deep down that I’ll always be there for them, I have to keep myself at arm’s length from them; because it is killing me inside.

It hurts. Because I know I don’t deserve this.

Am I that negligible?

Wait...I don’t deserve this? Heck, they don’t deserve me.

But it still hurts.

You Get Older & Blame Turns To Shame...

2009-09-12T06:25:00.000-07:00

I’ve been thinking (O, teach me to forget to think!!!)...& I’m not trying to be some saint, martyr or something, but what is my purpose in life? Some time back I realized that I have always known that I would make it big in the world, get hitched with someone successful, & everything would just fall into place. Happy ending. Yes, that’s what hours of Care Bears, My Little Pony, Snow White & Cinderella does to you. You become deluded with ‘happily ever after’ & take for granted that someday, you too will find your happy ending.

Well, life has definitely not been that way, but judging by the way things are going, perhaps they are; albeit more slowly than I would like it to.

Yes, by the process of elimination I begin to find out what it is I want in life, what it is I was put in this world to do. Sometimes I envy those who have theirs figured out. Yep, that damned song comes to mind again, the Vitamin C one.

Phuck, I’m 25 & most certainly am not where I imagined myself to be!

But still.

Perhaps I was a bit blinded by status & material items before. I mean, happiness & contentment were also on the list, but I would say that now they have gained a bit more weight on the scale of things.

I still want to be recognized as somebody in my industry, but making lots of moolah matters less, maybe about 5% less? Hahahah...yeah I know it ain’t much, & without money you don’t get nothing nowadays, but is it really worth all that emotional & mental burden doing a job you don’t like?

I want to bring change. Who, what, where, why, how; I have no idea.

& so.

I think I have been very selfish...

I depend on my father-subsidised credit card to get items I want (note the use of the word ‘want’ instead of ‘need’! Hahahahah), & most of the time I’m not exactly watching my wallet as best as I should.

Perhaps you might think me a bit bold, perhaps unethical to propose this, but I would like to request that for my birthday this year, a donation be made to either of these societies:
a) The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
b) The Perak Palliative Care Society

Need I explain more?

I’ve always been a sucker for animals, & well, the Palliative Care Society I haven’t really come in contact with, but the idea of palliative care really impacted me when Aunty Bee was placed in the palliative care unit at the Ipoh General Hospital (don’t know wtf the new name for it is).

During the drive there it dawned on me that it must be quite a dreary place. After all, to put it simply, it is a place where you just tunggu mati aje. So once you’re in, you know there’s only one way you’re getting out. It is a small pink building on its own in the hospital compounds. I don’t remember much about the inside but Aunty Bee was place at the end of a dorm-like room, nearest to the toilet. Thinking back, there was no like, sense of mayhem or hysteria like the movie in my mind (yes, the drama queen in me...), instead everyone was quiet & quite calm, relaxed.

Coincidentally One Tree Hill marathonmania is in progress...

Hidup One Tree Hill! Hidup Michelle kerana meminjamkan kesemua season kepada saya!

Hahahahahahahahah...

Anyway, I never noticed it before but the epilogue is always taken from some book, & in the episode I watched after writing the above, it was:

John Steinback once wrote:
‘It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying & try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world.’

Another creepy fact: while I was searching for some Gandhi sayings for an earlier post (When I Say ‘Jump’, You Say ‘How High’), I saw this:

Almost everything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.

So yeah, I suppose in a way I want to impact the world in some way, no matter how small...& I still don’t know how I am going to do it, but I am going to take the first shuffle towards that goal.

It's A Beautiful Day...Don't Let It Get Away...

2009-09-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

The rain came & washed away the haze, & now everything is spick & span.

The sun is showing off its brightness, which hurts the eyes slightly. Its rays warm the skin like a hug from a loved one. A horse walking out of the covered corridor of the stables looks as though he is transformed into some magical creature as he crosses the border between dark & light. The gleam of his coat only further enhances his handsomeness.

At times, the rays of the sun can be harsh, biting into your skin.

But today, it is a welcome thing because the ground has been cooled by the gallons of water the sky heaved out.

A wild sunflower beginning to bloom at a corner of the gate.

It must be lonely growing amongst the sand & weeds.

But how beautiful it is.

An unexpected surprise in a busy day; a day that in the future would most probably be ablur had it not been for this plant that made one stop & think:

It is a lovely day, & I am alive.

Even The Best Fall Down Sometimes...

2009-09-10T06:19:00.000-07:00

I like to sit amongst the feed, it feels safe...

Bags upon bags of horse feed stacked on top of each other...

The one brand that gets used faster than the rest will leave a gap in the layers...

That is my ultra-temporary safe house.

I can sit on it & push myself all the way back until I am leaning against the wall, & my legs automatically straighten with my feet hanging off the edge of the bags.

If the stack is low, I sit at the edge with my feet firmly planted on the ground, chin upon hand, elbows upon knees.

If the stack is still quite high, I can jump & sit on it with my feet dangling down. This is the best kind...

There is something about being enclosed by the other stacks that make it feel safe.

& you might think me a neurotic psycho for coming up with all the different ways of sitting on them.

Wrong.

I am merely observant. Or so I keep telling myself. Hahahahah...

Anyway. I’ve always been a fan of proximity...I mean this in the ‘I-need-3-extra-pillows-around-me-when-I-sleep’ kind of way.

When I was younger (much...much, younger!) I had about 6 small to medium sized toys that I would arrange every night (biggest to smallest, all faces showing so that, God forbid, anyone’s breathing is obstructed!) & then hold when I went to sleep. Freaky stuff, huh? Now you regret reading my blog. Muahahahahahahah...

So yeah...sitting amongst thousands of ringgit worth of horse feed. Comforting.

I need that right now.

Good Morning Baby I Hope I'm Gonna Make It Through Another Day...

2009-09-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

I'm a monkey! Oo-Oo-Ah-Ah!!!
If you want a monkey's job, you gonna damn well get monkey work!

From now on I'm going to answer the phone with the above first sentence...he he he...

If you want to treat me like a child, I'm gonna treat you like a child as well!
So in the end, you're happy, I'm happy & we can all jump on the Happy Wagon...

Oh wait, is that...what is...oh yeah, that's your decency...it's stuck up your ass...no wonder you're so full of shit, it's been jamming up your system!

Perhaps you might want to make use of it once in a while to...you know...clear the pipes?

Yeah...thought of the day: unused decency causes one to be full of shit!

But what would I know, I'm a monkey! Oo-Oo-Ah-Ah!!!

Pink It Was Love At First Sight; Pink When I Turn Out The Light...'

2009-09-01T06:47:00.000-07:00

Aliens In The Attic was amazing! Better than Ice Age 3 I would say!

I really liked the message that in the midst of an inter-planetary war, an emotional connection can be made. & I was laughing, like, 85% of the time.

That, & also the fact that I want a sock monkey!!!

I WANT A SOCK MONKEY!!!

The engineer-geek of an alien was called Snuggle Lumps...so cute! I’m going to name my next pet either Sock Monkey or Snuggle Lumps...tee hee hee...

The humour was pretty much based on wordplay more than slapstick humour, so it wasn’t just for the kiddos. That is quite frightening because it just goes to show how much earlier young children are developing, especially with shows like Spongebob Squarepants (I don’t think I would have understood that show were I in my younger years...too much wordplay & sarcasm!) on the telly.

Anyway.

It’s been a relatively busy week, busy with non-work related issues that is!

On Monday, went for McD with Michelle. Ada offer buka puasa, cheaper McValue sets from 6-9pm. After that I had some window-shopping...again...Nothing like a spot of solo-shopping to clear the sinuses! Lol...

Yesterday, went to the Ramadhan bazaar at the stadium with Uncle Isa & Abang Ah Meng...Intan & Ma’am had a stall there. So much food, so little time!!! Betul-betul sudah jadi rambang mata, tak tau mana satu nak beli! In the end I bought some kerabu mangga, roti jala, caramel cake & ... which I promptly scoffed down upon reaching home. Although tak puasa, but I tak tahan...hahahah...I was supposed to take a picture of the makan-makan to post on Facebook (I want to publish a Hari Raya album this year, since I have CNY, Xmas & Deepavali albums) but terlupa until about 9something, by which time the makan-makan were all digesting (-ed?) in my big intestine already! Sins of gluttony!

Speaking of which, gluttony!!! I am sorry to say that I am seriously soft for material items, & I always have the idea of...’if I don’t get it now, I will regret, or...if I decide later that I want it, it may be gone!’...omigawd!!! SINS OF GLUTTONY!!!

As of this moment, there are no plans for tomorrow...want to go to the bazaar again, but...uish uish uish...cobaaaaaaaan! & the wallet is getting displeased! Hahahahah...mana nak cari duit raya untuk cover balik semua debit ini...hahahahahahahah...

Since getting my pink ‘deckchair’ from Jusco, I have been watching more telly & CDs on the telly instead of on my laptop in my room. Pink!!! Pink!!! Yeeha!!!

Upon reaching home I switched on the tv & ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ had juuust started showing, & the intro featured some clay-nimation of some elf skipping in the forest with his animal friends, so cute!!! Yes, I’m a sucker for such things...

Did I mention that I love pink? Hahahahah...pink socks, pink jammies, pink mug, pink pink pink!!! YAY!!!

'Piiinkkk it was love at first sight...piiink when I turn out the liiiggghhhtttt'

Just borrowed Michelle’s One Tree Hill seasons 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5; the marathon begins tomorrow!!!

‘Aaah don’t wanna be anything, other than, what I’ve been, tryin’ ta be, latelyyy...’

Naluri Wanita..!

2009-08-31T06:39:00.000-07:00

I miss my previous life of leisure (!!!).

I mean, I love working with horses & being outdoors always, but I am beginning to think that I should be spending more time with the people who matter in my life.

I desperately want to go on an outing with my perempuan-perempuan, like last year when we conquered 1/4s of Penang.

& then there is the Farsha, with whom I had always gone on island holidays when I was small. I want to go on another holiday with him, just the two of us, like in the old days, before I go to Australia...well, here’s hoping that things will work out.

But then again there is the dreadful thought of money matters. It’s ironic that when I work, I have the moolah, but not time & if I don’t have work, I wouldn’t have moolah, but have tonnes of time on my hands.

That’s all I have to say now; going to watch Aliens In The Attic with 2 out of 3 of the perempuankuasadua - Michelle & Su Yen. Yes, I have been seeing more of the them of late. & that’s not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all.

Only thing is that I have to watch the moolah a bit more tightly...but it’s all good...hahahahahahahah...

To the Bat...erm...I mean...Horse Mobile!!!

When I Say 'Jump', You Say 'How High?'!!!

2009-08-30T04:51:00.000-07:00

Where does one draw the line between being an ass & being assertive? Just after typing that did I realize that ass is a part of the latter word. Shiat.

To quote Gandhi (I took a heck of a lot of time to search for this paragraph, so you sure as hell should enjoy it, goddamnit!!! Hahahahahahahah)

Non-violence is not a cover for cowardice, but it is the supreme virtue of the brave. Exercise of non-violence requires far greater bravery than that of swordsmanship.
Cowardice is wholly inconsistent with non-violence. Translation from swordsmanship to non-violence is possible and, at times, even an easy stage. Non-violence, therefore, presupposes ability to strike.
It is a conscious deliberate restraint put upon one's desire for vengeance. But vengeance is any day superior to passive, effeminate and helpless submission. Forgiveness is higher still. Vengeance too is weakness. The desire for vengeance comes out of fear of harm, imaginary or real.
A dog barks and bites when he fears. A man who fears no one on earth would consider it too troublesome even to summon up anger against one who is vainly trying to injure him.
The sun does not wreak vengeance upon little children who throw dust at him.
They only harm themselves in the act.

So if we suffer these idiots’ arseholic behaviour, what do we get in return?

I find that the problem with Gandhi’s school of thought is that the ultimate result depends solely on the offender. The offended, on the other hand, can only hope, wish, pray & have faith that the guilty party would eventually come to his wits & repent. (Actually, Gandhi has a solid argument against this, but since it works against my current state of mind, I'm actually going to omit that for now...ignorance is bliss...what a hypocrite...lol)

Do they even realize that they are being arseholic?

Again, by experimentation, I have found that sometimes people (especially the opposite sex...grr!) do not realize that they are being arseholic, until they are told so. & they will most likely continue their current behaviour because they assume that it is acceptable.

So it is only until that one fine day when you finally blow your blood vessels & either:
a) Calmly negotiate an alternative solution to the situation
b) Thwack the offender with a bat
Or
c) Have a screaming match to determine who is in the right (‘but why didn’t you say something before???’)

...that you will gain inner spiritual calm & be able to move on with your life.

Yes, unfortunately humans have evolved to become thick skinned hooligans who have no regard for others’ feelings & emotions. Or perhaps they are just arseholes being mean.

Word of the day: Arse. Brit. Vulgar a person’s bottom. (This I actually found in a dictionary! lol)

Anyways. Back to being assertive.

I think this is my main problem. Just like when I was riding, James always said that ‘you have to ask the horse when you want something’. I suppose I’ve always been somewhat of a wimp. I want a canter but hesitate to ask for it. I want to jump a fence but my heart does not leap over first (not everyone out there is that crazy okay!!! I’m like, ‘I don’t want to die...I don’t want to die...I don’t want to... ... ... .....phewww...made it!!!’).

& it’s ironic because when I’m typing this I suddenly remember the cross stitch Aunty Bee made for me, the one which hangs opposite my bed, which features a child (boy, girl, who the heck knows, it is a portrait from behind & the hair could well be a boy’s or girl’s) & a puppy dog knelt in prayer, with the words ‘Ask, & it shall be given’. I chose that pattern largely because of the puppy, but I suppose in a way some higher power was trying to tell me, ‘be assertive, you pussy!!!’.

So, okey. It starts today.

Watch for the finger, you arseholic bastards! Hahahahah...

What I Need Is A Man, Not A Boy!

2009-08-29T04:37:00.000-07:00

I had a talk with one of my buds over the weekend about my current situation.

In a nutshell, he said that the racing industry isn’t for pussies & weaklings. It’s a thinking game, & at the end of the day you just have to be thick skinned with these people because if you succumb to them, you are the one who tak dapat makan, not them. About horses changing stables, it’s tough love. In this industry things change very fast, things come & go. You just have to be strong, so...hang in there. If you can survive in the racing industry, you can survive anywhere.

Yep.

Like I probably have mentioned about a quadrillion times, it ain’t always easy being strong.

I hate to admit, but it’s all dandy when someone expresses admiration about a girl being in the racing industry, but...sometimes it’s just so hard.

Horses transfer stables & get sold at the drop of a hat. & there are no warning signs.

I know there will be people out there who will probably hate me for saying this, but I am more concerned about the horses rather than humans. I mean, if someone moves away, you can be sure that he would be able to proactively take care of himself, & adjust himself to his new environment.

What about a horse?

Does he have the power to choose his new owner? What sort of an owner will he go to? Would he be worked to the bone?

When I came back from lunch break to discover that 3 horses had transferred stables during that time, I was pretty pissed off. Thank God my favourite horses weren’t included, if not someone would have gotten an earful!

I have to re-emphasize:
‘Ingat aku apa, mesin ke, robot ke; aku pun manusia lah, ada perasaan, ada hati, tau tak!!!’

All my life I have been brought up to believe that a career is something that you are passionate about, that you really feel for. ‘If you love your job, you don’t work a day in your life’.

Sometimes, we don’t know what it is we really want in life. But I have found that, through the process of elimination, slowly but surely you begin to zone in on it.

& I think racing is not for me.

When I watch a race, I don’t feel that excitement, that thrill that makes so many people shout their lungs out. I don’t really give a shit whether the horse started last & came in first.

It’s a funny thing, really.

I suspect I have separation anxiety.

I don’t like things/people leaving or being far away from me.

This Tuesday, Kumar is going to South Africa for his apprentice training. All the best, ‘Mike’; come back in one piece, you hear! & no, not with black girl in tow!

It is difficult being a girl in a male dominated industry...in my case sexual harassment is pretty much under control because of my connection with Blackie, but sometimes men are just men. Or rather, men will always be boys. You’d expect them to be more mature with time, but the thing is, & this is merely my observation, working with guys 24/7, 365 days a year, they are unaccustomed to the ways of the opposite sex. They don’t realize that we are more sensitive, & certain issues are not always welcome topics of conversation.

It’s the little things that get my goat, like the way they get angry at the world (including you!) when something (or rather, someone) has irked them. Or how some of them think that because I’m a girl, I can’t do shit.

Well, Earth to narrow-minded citizen of Malaysia!

Tahukah anda, most of the stablehands overseas are members of the ‘weaker sex’?

Just because I do not put up a fight & remain silent just for the sake of keeping the peace, does not mean that I am a loser/dumb-brunette.

But let’s end this on a good note.

The up side of working with the opposite sex.

They don’t hold grudges (well, not most of the time, that is!), & are more sporting.

No gossiping about petty issues.

Sometimes you catch syces (usually from other stables) ‘shaking hands with the president’ in the stalls or into the drain. Wait...that’s actually a con, not a pro...EUGH!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, you catch syces bathing in their birthday suit. Wait...that’s another con...DOUBLE EUGH!!! & yes, that has happened to me before, but only twice...yep...ONLY. Hahahahahahahah

‘In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king’. Amoi will always be the most beautiful even on a day when her wardrobe is malfunctioning, pimples aplenty & hair looks like timothy hay.

Yep. That’s how ‘privileged’ I am – the general term ‘Amoi’ has been bestowed on me by my stable colleagues. How nice of them. Puke. Hahahahah...

Brings to mind the song ‘Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man’ by Henry Higgins in the movie My Fair Lady...men...BAH!!!

Oh yeah, about my current situation. Yep, by elimination, I’ve found that I’m probably not suited for racing, although I think I will give it another try for a few months.

But what I know is this – I definitely do not want to become an ass like the rest of you bastards.

24th August 2009.

2009-08-28T04:07:00.000-07:00

Today was one of the most shocking days working at Rahim stables.

Early this morning Ah Uai told me that Pak Mat had passed away yesterday.

I was shell-shocked!

Omigawd...the person who helps me collect Lingera’s palung & tipin everyday, gone, just like that!

It was like just yesterday that he would come in the morning, when I would usually be mucking out (I take forever to muck out, I don’t know what the heck I’m doing wrong!), & say somewhat sarcastically ‘selamat pagi, booos...hahahah’; & take the palung & tipin to the feedroom together with his horses’ palung & tipin (his horse General Spirit is our neighbour).

I feel somewhat guilty because I don’t remember the last time I had a decent conversation with him. I only remember that the last few days he was at work, he did not collect my palung & tipin, probably the last time we spoke was when he passed by quickly & said, ‘alamak, sorry lah, hari ini sibuk sikit’; because his other horse Golden Fire Heart was due for an early track trip.

Anyway.

A few of us made an excursion to his house later in the morning. It turns out he lives in a squatter area, although there is electricity now, it feels really kampung & is a really small wooden thing with quite a lot of land around it. At least he wasn’t living alone – he had his son, daughter, in-laws & grandchildren.

I actually found the courage to stay & watch prepare the body for the funeral – it was the first time I had ever seen such a thing.

When we arrived they were washing the body, & of course the womenfolk were not allowed anywhere near at that time.

After that came the wrapping. I don’t know if he was clothed or not (forgive my ignorance of Islamic burial customs), but he was wrapped in white muslin sheets.

I felt out of place being the only Chinese girl there (the other Chinese bugger was TN Soon) so I tak berani enter into the house while they were doing the wrapping – segan lah...instead I peered in from a window. Because of that also, there are some parts which I missed, due to people blocking my view.

But still. Cotton wool was wrapped around his feet, & his hands were placed across his stomach. someone opened a brand new headpiece (again, forgive my ignorance – I don’t know what the exact term for that headpiece is, it isn’t a songkok...it’s that thing that men wear when they go to the mosque on Fridays) with a piece of cloth; wore the headpiece & tied the piece of cloth around his own head so that it looked like a songkok of some sort. Then he took it off & put it on Pak Mat’s head.

Black eyeliner was applied to the eyes, & the two muslin sheets he was lying on were wrapped around him, leaving the face exposed.

Then family members were called forward to kiss his forehead or look at him for the last time, after which cotton wool was placed over his face with small gaps made for the eyes, & the muslin sheet was pulled entirely over him.

Then the sort of like stretcher thingy was brought from the hearse; the ‘cover’ could be removed to reveal just the stretcher like thing, which was brought into the house & came out with the body on top.

The cover was put on, & a piece of cloth with Quranic verses spread out on top.

His son was called forward to give a short speech, & then the body was carried out to the hearse, which headed to the mosque.

It was quite surprising that I did not feel afraid of witnessing the whole process, instead there was a sense of calm & harmony, perhaps somewhat cultivated by those present. There was not a wet cheek in the area. Probably also because he was already 72 years old, so it was just his time.

I also think Malays believe that when we cry or mourn for the dead, it makes it harder for them to make the transition to the afterworld. Also, the co-operation showed by the men was very comforting, the way they all helped with the wrapping, carrying the body, etc.

Sometimes I wonder if there would be many people at my funeral. Would there be anyone to help out like at Pak Mat’s? Would so many come from far & wide like at Aunty Bee’s? For some reason this worries me, because I am not too much of a people person.

& I think of those without religion, or those who claim to be free-thinkers – those who have that ‘I’ll decide when I die’ mentality. Perhaps they were brought up to be X, but during their lifetime believed themselves to be some other more free thinking religion, something better suited to their liking. Towards the end, would they choose to be buried according to the rituals of religion X?

Then there is the idea of the afterlife. Like I said, I suffer from separation anxiety, & don’t enjoy the idea of not knowing what or how my loved ones are doing. So what exactly is Pak Mat going through now? They say those who pass on during the fasting month will be free of judgement & the sufferings of purgatory. But how far is this true? If there are so many religions all claiming to be ‘the one & only true way’, which is to be trusted? Are there 18 levels of hell? Are all sins purged simply by believing in one special man?

It’s difficult for me to explain.

However, I think this would suffice for today.

Pak Mat, mu dah pergi tetiba tanpa berkata apa-apa, & dalam masa singkat yang kita saling mengenali, terdapat detik-detik indah yang akan dikenang selalu. Terima kasih atas segalanya, dan mohon ampun atas segala kesalahan yang pernah dilakukan.

When sorrows come, they come not single spies,
But in battalions.
- King Claudius in Hamlet -

What Do You Aspire To Be?

2009-08-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubBYFcXCetw

Omigawd...it feels like some higher power was trying to communicate to me...'Every great person...started small'.

Inspirational, simply inspirational.

5 minutes later...another one!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oB8KMabvX5U

'Life is too short for ambition'.

Omigawd...

Horsing Around.

2009-08-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

I think I've had enough of the racing scene.

I don't know...I just find it so...short-term.

I don't even know how to explain it. I just hate the fact that my horsie friends could be taken away from me just like that *snap*, like how Jeram Commander suddenly fainted at the finishing in KL, or how like yesterday 3 horses suddenly got transferred to another stable during lunch break.

'Wa bukan mesin ke, robot...wa pun ada perasaan, ada hati; tau ka...niama geh pundek!'!

Another thing is, no matter how much I try to learn the mechanics of racing, when I watch a race I don't feel the passion, the thrill of the race - instead I just feel a general numbness & indifference. Except when my favourite horse is running, that is.

Like I always say: there is always something positive to be learnt from a situation, no matter how bad it is.

I learned to better appreciate the people around me.
I learned that life should be lived to the max, because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.
I learned that, because of that also, you should treat others well & never let a problem fester because you may not have a second chance.
I learned to take things in my stride.
I learned not to take things too personally.
I learned to laugh at others & be laughed at.

I am considering re-entering the equestrian industry.

But as what?

I do not fancy myself a competition rider, nor do I enjoy instructing. My brain can't handle paperwork, nor can it accomodate more than 5 medical terms at any given time.

Horse massage.

I feel like an idiot at it. Like an imposter.

I really, really like musical dressage...any dressage, actually...but when I looked at an old friend's pictures on FaceBook just now, I felt so...daunted. Like a tiny ant in the world. Seriously!

How could I possibly compete in the same industry as all those rich-ass young'uns with parents who are up to their necks (possibly foreheads!) deep in moolah!?!

Geez.

Freaking out at the moment.

Can I tell you peepz a secret (obviously it won't be a secret anymore after this!)?

My secret, ultimate ambition is to be a horse trainer for movies...he he he...you know...like how they trained the horses for that war scene in 'The Last Samurai'...amazing!!!

It astounds me how they can teach a horse to 'sit'...I know how to train a dog to sit - repeat command, push chest back & hind down, sooner or later he'll get the idea...but a horse?

Mother phucker!!! How cool is that!

I once watched a documentary on Animal Planet about a guy who trained horses for movies...he could get a horse to canter straight while a guy hangs off his left, climbed up on, & slid down to his right...I mean...what the phuck kind of a horse is that disciplined! & like in 'The Last Samurai', the guy could actually ask the horse to lie down & 'play dead', while bombs were going off all around them...phwoar!!! Super duper cool!!!

Anyways...perhaps the dog training industry is better suited for me? Being in a male dominated industry is getting pretty tiring...nobody really believes you can do anything, & sometimes they have no regards for us more sensitive species.

Goddamnit.

One more thing that is preventing me from re-joining the equestrian force: politics.

Quadruple Goddamnit.

Imagine me saying this like a South African (oh yeah btw Kumar is in KL now, off to South Africa for his training on the 26th. I am anxious & excited for him...hope all goes well. You lucky bastard. Although you won't read this, but don't get caught up with some black lady, ya hear...lol): Ah'ma gonna have me some apple pie, & ah ain't gonna give a shit about what y'all say. Ah'm fuckin' pissed off right now.

'2 Minutes To The Start Of Race 1...'

2009-08-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of Ipoh Races finally over. Actually it ain't that hectic a time for me, because my job is basically the same (just different! lol), just that there is a...erm...well let me explain from my point of view...

There is a sort of joyous mood in the air, everyone is especially happy, but at the same time tension is also running high, because it would be D-day for our horses that are running, so everything has to be super duper perfect.

Add to that 'the Abang', whom I usually have to chauffeur around, to MIL's place, to uncle's place, to & from work, & make time to hangout with him after; not to mention him liking to take me out...thing is, I prefer lepaking at home, watching a movie or something.

Maybe I'm getting too old for the social scene?

Nah...I hope not! Hahahahah...

A bit of non-related info: I was at Jusco just now (yes, I know - H1N1 alert! Hahahahah...) & the song Graduation by Vitamin C was playing...'& so we talked all night about the rest of our lives, where we're gonna be when we turn 25...'...& I was like, 'PHUCK, I AM PHUCKING 25 THIS YEAR! PHUCK THAT!!!'...daymn...will blog about that later.

For me it's like, when Abang is not here I usually go out window shopping, etc. just to distract my mind. I absofuckinglutely love my privacy & my space (a whole house to myself...wow!!!) but it can get lonely at times, & as the saying goes: 'an idle mind is the devil's workshop'.

Anyway.

So when Abang is around, I prefer not to share him with the public...not to make him sound so high-&-mighty, but I like to enjoy a quite night in after a hard day's work, especially when things are hectic...

So.

I have to admit I neglected Muh Gurls as well, & since puasa is starting this Saturday, probably Karaoke session will have to be postponed...*frown*.

Haven't even posted one of my Singapore trip. Daymn.

Will hop to it right now, peepz...promise.

Just A Short One.

2009-08-04T04:30:00.000-07:00

Hey peepz, just thought I'd write a few words since I've been MIA for quite a while.

Well, just came back from Singapore a few days ago, & yes don't worry, pics & Ds coming very very soon, I promise! Ada masalah technical sedikit!

Anyway, it was a great great great trip, absofuckinglutely loved it.

This week it's Ipoh Races, so will probably take some time for me to upload some Ds. & I am contemplating changing my blog location again, to hopefully earn some moolah.

Ipoh Races.

Can't wait to see the rest of the racing fraternity...booyah, peepz!

* Sob * Sniff * Sigh *

2009-07-21T03:14:00.000-07:00

Sorting through my old Form Six stuff & found this poem by Pablo Neruda, 'The Saddest Poem'.

I actually heard instead of read it first, when I was 'studying' (yes, with the inverted commas!) late one night. I don't recall the reason they played that particular clip but the English version of this poem was recited by Madonna, & it was so beautiful I just closed my eyes & took it all in...well, here it is, minus the soundbytes...

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: “The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance”.

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don’t have her. To feel that I’ve lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as few to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn’t keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That’s all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else’s. She will be someone else’s. As she once belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
My soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
And this may be the last poem I write for her.

Of Ants, Capybaras & Dung Beetles.

2009-07-20T03:11:00.000-07:00

If I step on an ant & kill it, am I a murderer?

Do ants experience feelings & thought like in the movie The Ant Bully?

Who are we to rank the importance of life? For example:

Humans > Giraffes > Hippos > Capybaras > Slugs > Bees > Dung Beetles

In the eyes of God, is an ant’s life of the same importance as a person’s?

Sometimes I avoid stepping on them, but sometimes I don’t bother, & think, ‘sorry bub, it’s just YOU’RE TIME.’.

Am I being over-sensitive? Am I being crazy (in that case, don’t bother, because crazy is the new normal!)?

Song Sung Blue, Everybody Knows One...

2009-07-13T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am fed up.

Fed up of not being able to say what I want to, when I need to.

Fed up of feeling alone in a crowded place.

Fed up of people.

Fed up of hormone-enraged guys.

Fed up of being home alone.

Fed up of being fed up.

I suppose even the Lone Ranger gets the blues sometimes...

'Cause I'm Never Gonna Stop The Rain By Complaining...'

2009-07-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

Rain early in the morning, for the first time this year!

I know this because morning rain has never occurred since I started work at Rahim’s (Without the word ‘stables’ sounds like some mamak shop or something! Lol).

Provided it is not too heavy, rain can bring a lovely change in routine...after the snooze has been hit 10 times, I’ve scraped myself off the bed, dragged myself to the bathroom, & gotten into the car...

But still! Once you’re in work mode, a slight drizzle is quite nice. I’d actually forgotten how beautiful rain looks when it touches pools of water on the ground. The initial dot, then the ripple effect.

After it stops raining, everything looks fresh & clean, even the air smells clearer.

I usually finish my urgent tasks at about 8.30am, & it had stopped raining by then.

Even in tropical Malaysia the trees have seasons. Previously the tree with the yellow flowers was bursting with colour; now all its old leaves & bright flowers have been swept away, & in their place are young apple green leaves. No sweeping required anymore now! Hahahahah...must be a relieve for whoever is on sweep duty!

Well, that particular day the tree looked brighter than ever, & the weather was perfect...

‘Bos, hari ini hari yang indah; tidak patut disia-siakan dengan bekerja...I go home first, boss!’

If only!

For a long time the hills were hidden in the haze, so on the drive home they were clearly visible again. Happy feelings all round!

It is days like these when I feel extra happy to be working outdoors (save for those days when it’s scorching hot & the sun smarts the eyes! Yikes!!!)

Anyway, it has been raining on & off the past two weeks, I just hope it doesn’t rain heavily during work, then I would have to be soaked to the bone! Double yikes!

Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing!

'I'm singing in the rain, just singing in the rain; what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again!'

The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly In The Plain.

2009-07-11T07:24:00.000-07:00

I know I’ve posted this before, but here it goes again:

‘Be who you are, & say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, & those who matter don’t mind.’
-Dr. Seuss-

Sometimes in life you make mistakes which others may not understand.

Heck, even you may not understand it.

But life is such.

We talk about others who make mistakes, but fail to realize that we too are not infallible.

We expect others to forgive our misgivings, but are unwavering when done wrong.

However.

Friends come & go, & life goes on.

Some are here for good, some come & go.

Perhaps it is better that way, when people leave.

Although it may hurt because a friendship is no more, at the end of the day it is a blessing in disguise, because you find out early that it is a friendship not worth nurturing, not worth an ounce of effort.

Friendship blossoms as an effect of mutual understanding, similarity of character, & all that bullshit.

If a person was just being friendly because he/she imagined you to be famous/have loads of cash/etc., then it is obvious that it was never a friendship, instead a use & be-used situation.

You can try to understand what happened, & try to reconcile, but ‘a single hand that claps makes no sound’, or something to that effect...

Next time round, be careful of who you choose as your friends, because nowadays everyone is always out for their own interests.

This is a cute song (although it is more about a love relationship than friendship, but still!) from the musical ‘My Fair Lady’:

What a fool I was, what a dominated fool!
To think you were the earth & the sky!
What a fool I was, what an elevated fool!
What a mutton-headed dote was I!

No, my reverberated friend,
You are not the beginning & the end!

There'll be spring every year without you,
England still will be here without you,
There'll be fruit on the tree,
& a shore by the sea,
There'll be crumpets & tea without you!

Art & music will thrive without you,
Somehow Keats will survive without you,
& there still will be rain on that plain down in Spain,
Even that will remain without you!
I can do without you!

You, dear friend, who taught so well,
You can go to Hartfore, Hereford & Hampshire!

They can still rule the land without you,
Windsor Castle will stand without you,
& without much ado we can all muddle through without you!

Without your pulling it the tide comes in,
Without your twirling it the Earth can spin,
Without your pushing them, the clouds roll by,
If they can do without you, ducky, so can I!

I shall not feel alone without you,
I can stand on my own without you!
So go back in your shell,
I can do bloody well,
Without you!!!

I adore Audrey Hepburn...especially in this movie!

Thank you for reminding me who matters in my life, & who doesn’t.

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End.

2009-07-10T07:09:00.000-07:00

In the past month, there were two deaths & two births.

First, Dellorto’s uncle passed away suddenly, & just last week Peter Lee Stable’s supervisor passed away after a long battle with cancer.

June is also the month my aunty passed away, also due to cancer. This year marks the second year we have been apart.

Sometimes I ask myself, & God: ‘Why does there have to be such a thing as 'death'? It is such a horrible thing.’

Logic in the brain says that it is life; everything has a beginning & an ending. If there is no end to everything, there would be no room for new experiences, new things & new people. In short there is no space for change.

But the soul in the heart refuses to understand, stubbornly hangs on to the past, & hurts for reasons not worth hurting.

It hurts more to have someone taken from you rather than someone leaving you.

I don’t know why, it just does.

Perhaps because leaving is a conscious choice, but having someone taken from you; there is the idea that that person is no more in this world, there is no more physical/intellectual contact, you want to know how he/she is doing, you miss their idiosyncrasies, etc.

Someone who has left, there are always options:
a) Remaining content being a bystander, watching him/her. That way you can still have peace of mind knowing that he/she is doing well.
b) Start stalking him/her until he/she succumbs to you.

But then there is the beauty of beginnings.

Last Sunday I visited Kambing 2’s new baby goats, which I have so aptly named Kambing 4 & 5.

As with all babies, the kids were so cute & looked so frail. I had never met (why did I use the word ‘met’ instead of ‘seen’, or ‘come in contact’..? I am anthrophromizing again...damn.) a kid before, & I imagine I was like my uncle the first time he held his granddaughter – wanting to hold her, but at the same time afraid that he may hurt her..!

The kids were obliging (like they had a choice!) & had no big objections to being carried & cuddled.

Although I was somewhat worried that they might like me too much that they would try to ‘mark’ me with their scent...obviously I was over-reacting.

Looking at them, I realize the beauty of life...how lovely new life is.

Yes, without endings there cannot be beginnings.

Endings are hard, but beginnings make it that much easier...

Title quote by Seneca.

Kambing 1 banished from the Rumah Kambing to prevent further unplanned births! LOL

'There's Rosemary, That's For Remembrance; Pray, Love, Remember...'

2009-07-09T06:57:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back Michelle forwarded me this e-mail:

There comes a point in your life where you realize:

Who matters,

Who never did,

Who won't anymore,

& who always will..

So don't worry about people from your past,

There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

How true this is...

'If Tomorrow Never Comes, Will She Know How Much I Love Her?'

2009-07-02T07:12:00.000-07:00

The only Bic Runga song I have ever bothered listening to was/is 'Something Good'. Probably I heard it on the radio & got addicted.

The video is weird but the song is really sweet, & depending on your mood, can be either happy or sad...

Just wanna know ya

Just wanna talk to ya

I wanna hear about your day

I'd never leave ya

Never be mean to ya

I'd always let you get your way

Something good will come our way

& maybe this good thing's gonna happen today

If I were honest I'd tell you everything

But it keeps coming out as lies

It's not a promise in case you're wondering

It's not some blessing in disguise

Something good will come our way

& maybe this good thing's gonna happen today

Something good will come our way

Maybe this good thing's gonna happen today

I know romance is not in fashion

& my heart is on the line

If you would be so kind

To help me kill some time

When something good just might come

Crashing from the stars that light the sky

If you would be so kind

To help me kill some time

Just wanna know ya

Just wanna talk to ya

I wanna hear about your day

I'd never leave ya

Never be mean to ya

I'd always let you get your way

Something good will come our way

& maybe this good thing's gonna happen today

Something good will come our way

Maybe this good thing's gonna happen today

Life Has Given Me Obstacles, Still I Bite My Tongue, Say It's Wonderful...

2009-07-01T06:50:00.000-07:00

Heyo peepz...

Finally online after a week of abstinence!

Sorry, I have not been blogging offline (is that even remotely possible!?! Blogging offline???)

I have started working on a project (yesterday, actually...) so...well, we'll see what comes of that someday!

Trying to work things out for my Singapore trip end of this month/early August. Dilato's cousin chipped some bone in his foot so will not be in Singapore for a few months. Hm...darn! Time for Plan B!

Did I mention that I am damn stoked that I will actually be going to watch the RSC live? Okey...let me tell you again:

I am damn super stoked that I am going to watch the Reduced Shakespeare Company live!!!

At the same time I am quite anxious because I have never travelled on my own before, let alone out of the country. I don't know why but I have been wanting to go on a solo trip for about a year now...just to get a fresh perspective on life, get away from the daily humdrum of life, & especially, especially, away from people.

Don't get offended (that's an order!), it's just that sometimes people are...well...not very nice. & me being a non-people-person, I have to get away from the crowd more often than normal people do.

Truth be told, at this point I'm phucking fed up of people.

But maybe this is just life & I should accept it?

19th June 2009.

2009-06-27T08:04:00.000-07:00

Two solid years gone by.

Lessons I’ve learnt & revisited during that time:

1. Finish your food. There are people who are starving to death. Don’t even waste a grain of rice, because there were people who toiled to grow, nurture & harvest it.

2. Don’t play around with love, because there are hearts that might not be able to handle it.

3. Losing a person is much worse than losing a dog, cat, horse, hamster, etc.

4. Get your priorities right: is work really more important than family? Would you be willing to overlook a flaw in your friend’s character, for the sake of his/her friendship? How much of the past do you want to hold on to, only to lose precious grip on the future?

5. If possible, try not to be hot tempered, rude or harsh towards others, because you may come to regret it.

6. Even long after someone important leaves your life, there will be moments when, at that split second, you think, ‘I should call & ask her, she would know’, or 'she would be so phucking amused at this!'.

7. Decisions in life. When those close to us support & love us no matter what we choose to do, the world seems a little brighter.

8. Many characters will come into your life. Learn how to differentiate between them, & learn from your mistakes.

9. Don’t be too petty about cash, especially when you’re on holiday. You may come to regret not buying that unique thinggumy you had your eye on.

10. ‘Say what you want, & do what you want; because those who mind don’t matter, & those who matter don’t mind.’ It is true. Life is too short to NOT live according to your own rules.

11. Sometimes, small boobies are better than double Ds.

12. A couple should live away from their families, because differences in opinion/character/way of life can create unnecessary tension.

13. Don’t be a ‘yes-man’. Don’t be a pushover.

14. Time might not heal everything, but it certainly makes things a little more bearable.

15. Don’t waste your time on people who are not willing to waste theirs on you.

16. Life your life such that when you enter the world, you come out crying; & when you leave, people are crying. I stole that from somewhere, I don’t remember where.

17. Don’t be fooled by others’ outer appearances. You don’t know what is going on inside.

18. But, put on a strong face, because that might inspire others to be strong too.

Rascall Flats - My Wish
I hope the days come easy & the moments pass slow
& each road leads you where you wanna go
& if you’re faced with a choice, & you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
& if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walking till you find a window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile

But more than anything,
More than anything...

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you wanna do
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
& while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you
& wants the same things too
Yeah this is my wish.

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you & the place you left
I hope you always forgive, & you never regret
& you help somebody every chance you get

Oh you find God’s grace in every mistake
& always give more than you take

But more than anything,
More than anything,
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you wanna do
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
& while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you
& wants the same things too...

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you wanna do
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
& while you’re out there getting where you’re getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you
& wants the same things too
This is my wish...

This is ‘stole’ from One Tree Hill:

We’re meant to lose people we love – how else are we supposed to know how important they are to us?

Sometimes The Hardest Thing & The Right Thing Are The Same.

2009-06-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

I was on Cat duty at my father's place a few weeks ago, & came across this on one of the walls. It was pretty darn good, so here it is, peepz, for your viewing & contemplating pleasure...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise & haste, & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; & listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater & lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; & everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. & whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, & whatever your labours & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

FOUND IN OLD SAINT PAUL’S CHURCH: DATED 1692

Positive Thinking To The Max!

2009-06-25T07:42:00.000-07:00

Most of the time I’m convinced I will die of second hand smoke.

They say second hand smoke kills more people than smokers themselves.

I can hardly contain my sinuses when I’m treadmilling a horse at 6.30 in the morning, with both industrial fans blowing, & the syce lights up. & some of them old-timers smoke different sticks, they look thinner than the usual ones...omigawd...those smell even worse than the usuals!

& then there’s the drinking sessions, where about 96.8% of the crowd is smoking. But most of the time I’m having too much of a good time to realize...lol...

My bad!

Well, I was walking from one stable to another (we have two separate stables, so I walk a combined distance of approximately 20km up & down every day...no, I’m just exaggerating..!), when I thought of this;

Positive thinking: Instead of saying ‘smoking kills’, say ‘I’m controlling the population’.

Sounds ridiculous when written on paper...hahahahahahahah...

But yeah, the power of positive thinking...

When something doesn’t go your way, there will almost always be a silver lining...

But!

I may have been taking it too far with the quote! LOL...

Each Day's A Gift, & Not A Given Right.

2009-06-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

Nickelback – If Today Was Your Last Day.

The video clip was pretty confusing in the beginning, but towards the second half it got interesting; watch it on YouTube!

Yes folks...what if?

This is the mantra of most people I know:

Do what you want, because you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

True.

But what if doing what you want hurts those who are near & dear to you?

Would it be worth it then?

The question is: Are you ready & willing to suffer the direct & indirect consequences of your actions?

I digress.

Well, who’s to say what would happen in days to come.

We all take risks, risks which either make or break our future, but one thing for sure is that they mould us into who we become.

As I said in a previous post (Mould...Moulded...Mouldy???), it is our experiences, good or bad, which make us who we are today.

'Nuff Said.

2009-06-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

Bila mau, 'HOW ARE YOU'.

Bila tak mau, 'PAK YOU'.

Banyak lah korang.

Aku pun dah pedup. Boleh blah lah...

PAK YOU TOO!!!

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow

I can't believe that I stayed till today

There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow

There's nothing here in this soul left to say

Adakah aku, hanya boneka yang sering engkau mainkan?

Yang dikawal oleh jari-jarimu?

Ku punya hati, & perasaan, pernahkah engkau fikirkan?

Cukup, cukuplah

Sing For The Wings Of A Dove!

2009-06-21T05:26:00.000-07:00

A really really funny story from one of my Facebook friends:

Eagles Mate For Life.

Did you know that eagles mate for life?

Well one day Harry the eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years. After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot.

Dead!

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.

So he flew off to find a new mate.

He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest. The sex was good but all the dove would say is 'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'

Well this got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate.

He soon found A very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is, 'I am a LOON, I Want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!'

So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate.

This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest. This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....

No, the duck didn't say THAT...Don't be so disgusting!

The duck said, 'I am a DRAKE , You made a MISTAKE !!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahahah...I did not see that coming!

Who Belongs To These Animals?

2009-06-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

I am training the old fogey to be naughtier by the day. He still nips, like I previously mentioned in ‘Measure Your Life Against The Wrong Ruler...DON’T DO IT’, & now he is learning how to demand for me to scratch his withers & crest. His mind seems to be programmed such:

Girl = Food.

Or...or!

Girl = Pushover.

Yeah...I know I’m to blame. Want to ride him but malas. Hahahahah...after work I’m too lazy, or it’s too hot, etc. But I think he is fit to be ridden now. Maybe sometime soon.

He was supposed to go for The Singapore International Airlines Cup last month, but we missed the float. So, boo hoo...

Hahahahahah...as if!

& I got scratched by Lucie yesterday. Maybe because I geram sangat dengan dia, I always pukui dia. Until he gets geram as well, & scratches...hahahahahah...

It is mating season, so he is almost always covered in wounds especially around the face. Serves you right, you womanizer! One day he didn’t come to the stables for his breakfast, & I voiced my concerns to Uncle Isa that maybe Lucie wasn’t feeling too well or was already ‘gone’ (yes, I’m somewhat paranoid when it comes to stable cats nowadays!), & when I was walking down to the other stable, I saw him sitting next to a mother cat & her 3 kittens, & the thing is, there was this other cat nearby, who seemed to be the ‘object of his desire’ at that moment...

I was like...pukitaik lu...sanggup tinggalkan makan untuk main! Cilakak!

Anyways, mating season also means territorial fights, which explains the wounds & loss of general condition.

Nowadays when he sees me he immediately drops to the ground & rolls around...omigawd, I am a genius at spoiling animals!

‘Lucifer the Pampered’...hahahahahahahah...

Reminds me of that scene in Night At The Museum 2, where Darth Vader & that Sesame Street character want to join the bad side; & the bad guy's like, 'you have asthma & you wear a cloak...'...macamana nak takutkan orang!...major lol!!!

Yes, I belong to all of them, instead of the other way around...*sigh*...

You Can't Choose Your Horse - He Will Choose You!

2009-06-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

This week we lost two horses; Gaya Mas (X439) & Golden Ranger (H451). The first due to tendon problems, & the latter due to colic (some bacterial infection in the intestines).

Gaya Mas was one of my favourite horses, simply because he was so huge, like a champion dressage warmblood. I had only seen him working out on the treadmill, & his forefeet took such long strides, somewhat like an extended trot...when I saw that for the first time I was like, HUAAA!!!

'Meauw!!!'

Unfortunately previous tendon problems led to restriction of those strides on one side, so it looked slightly stilted.

Rugi, rugi..

How funny life is...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

and sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveller, long I stood

and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth...

If only he had not started out as a racehorse, but a dressage horse instead...he would still be alive today. & I believe he would have made it good too, judging by his conformation.

Tapi perangai...huh! Kurang ajar!

I didn’t like his character at all, because he’s the sort of horse who tries to bite & push down on you when you try to ‘sayang’ him. No manners at all! Lol

But I still liked him for his conformation.

I thought of a nickname for him, & I don’t know why the name ‘Meauw’ seemed to suit him...hahahah...imagine that...a horse named ‘Meauw’!

Since we’re on the topic, let’s talk about Bob as well...

Golden Commander...he looked like a ‘Bobby’ to me, so that is his new name now...hahahah...the big boss must be thinking I’m psycho...& his syce’s nickname is Bai or Bayo, so the horse’s full name is ‘Bobby son of Bayo’. Hahahahahah...

Bob can fold his tongue! ROFL! I was pretty damn amused when I first saw this!

I have always had a thing for lighter coloured horses, like grey or roan.

Bobby is somewhat of a roan coloured fella, that’s why I like him. & compared to Meauw he is much better natured; but is very spooky. I only recently realized that his right eye is a pig eye (this is when you can see more whites of the eye, as compared to in a normal eye, there is relatively little or no whites showing). No wonder lah!

I have to stop choosing horses based on their physical appearances!

When Ah Uai was away, I had to check the morning feed at the lower stable as well, & two horses were so afraid of me, like, ‘WHOA, INVASION OF PRIVACY’ when I went into their stalls; but today they will actually come up to greet me when I approach.

That moment when you know you’ve gained an animal’s trust...it’s just magical.

My equestrian instructor used to say a horse/rider combination is like a marriage – both partners have to be compatible to make things work. & that is so true!

The two horses which I liked, I found out, were complete sakais, character wise.

But those which I had overlooked, took my heart in their own special way.

So, people...you can’t choose your horse – he will choose you!

They Say That Nobody Is Perfect. Then They Say That Practice Makes Perfect. I Wish They'd Make Up Their Minds.

2009-06-18T04:15:00.000-07:00

Wabi Sabi.

Apa ke jadah tu???

According to Wikipedia, Wabi sabi represents a comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience. The phrase comes from the two words; wabi & sabi. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is ‘imperfect, impermanent, & incomplete’ (according to Leonard Koren in his book Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers). It is a concept derived from the Buddhist assertion of the Three marks of existence, specifically impermanence.

According to Koren, wabi sabi is the most conspicuous & characteristic feature of what we think of as traditional Japanese beauty & it ‘occupies roughly the same position in the Japanese pantheon of aesthetic values as do the Greek ideals of beauty & perfection in the West.” Andres Juniper claims, ‘if an object or expression can bring about, within us, a sense of serene melancholy & a spiritual longing, then that object could be said to be wabi sabi.’ Richard R. Powell summarizes by saying ‘It (wabi sabi) nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, & nothing is perfect.”

How beautiful...

We all have our insecurities, no thanks to Hollywood, digital air-brushing, & frenemies that point out our defects ‘because we love you’ (hey ever notice how your left knee points out at a 25 degree angle as compared to your right knee which only does a 24.3?). Yeah, you catch my drift...

Word is that a dash of insecurity keeps us grounded, & is healthy in the sense that it challenges us to keep pushing our limits, to keep improving ourselves.

However, insecurity can also prevent us from achieving our goals in life:
Am I smart enough?

Am I good enough for her?

Do I really have what it takes to go for that promotion?

Do I have what it takes?

I have & am still battling with this; insecurity can be a bummer.

I have just the perfect parable in mind:
You want to take your cherry red Ferarri (can you give me a Ferarri, for, fereeeeeeeeee? Lol!) for a ride, & it’s a great day...*zippedy doo dah, zipped day, my oh my what a wonderful day!*; but a warthog with an ass twice the size of J Lo’s is blocking your driveway.

That first speed bump is always the hardest to overcome. But in truth things are much more difficult in our minds than it actually is. Once we come to it, we realize, hey it isn’t that bad after all!

Sometimes we fear that we won’t be loved if we aren’t perfect, & due to this we are afraid to go after what we want in life. This is where the concept of wabi-sabi comes in handy. There is beauty in everything, only if you bother adjusting your point of view.

For example, Gwen Stefani’s dress sense may be horrendous to Audrey Hepburn but to punk rock fans it is the epitome of creativity.

If we weren’t so diverse, wouldn’t the world be boring?

If everyone had the same mindset, has the same road courtesy...had the same fashion sense...bo-horing!

I have a bookmark with a lovely ‘story’ on it:

The Perfect Woman.

A woman knelt in prayer,& in anguish cried out to God:
“Dear Lord, I can’t compete in this world. I am just a simple woman. I don’t have perfect hair or perfect teeth, a perfect smile or a perfect figure. I want so much to fit in with this world that asks for perfection. I want to be loved & appreciated & needed. Oh God, please do something. Change me.”

“My dear child,” replied the Lord, “to me you are simply wonderful. I accept you just as you are. I knew you even when you were in your mother’s womb, & I have you engraved upon the palm of my hand. Each part of you was created in my image. & I am changing you, daily. But you see, I work differently than the world. I work from the inside out. & deep within your heart, I see the beginning of...perfection.”

Well, all I can say is...wabi-sabi, woman; wabi-sabi!!!

Title quote by Winston Churchill.

To Assume Is To Make An Ass Out Of 'U' & 'Me'.

2009-06-17T03:28:00.000-07:00

“I was asked at a lecture, ‘Why can’t I clone myself & keep the copies as spare parts?’ & my answer was, ‘Be careful – one of the copies might keep you for spare parts.’”

Sydney Brenner, Nobel Prize in Medicine, 2002

I’ve always wondered...if I clone myself, would that clone have a soul? I mean, would that person have the same mentality as I, react to things the way I do, etc.?

Is there such a thing as one soul per person...erm...how do I put this...

There have been stories where two people’s souls are interchanged, A’s soul goes to B’s body, & vice versa.

So, just say that my clone would have to be ‘conceived’ in some test tube of some sort. It would then be considered a living being. What sort of soul would inhibit it? Who would the person inside be?

Hm...interesting...

& as some religions believe, after we pass on in this world (as humans), we are reincarnated as other species, according to how well-behaved we were.

Is that possible?

So many questions, numerous possibilities, but no definite answer.

Yes, I meant: answer. Not answers.

Because everybody can speculate, but what is the actual answer? It is either a yes, or no.

Perhaps some things are just inconceivable to the human mind...

'Typical!'

2009-06-16T03:07:00.000-07:00

Today, a looong post...

I still have yet to finish reading Lynne Truss’ ‘Talk To The Hand’.

She writes from such a different perspective, it’s inspiring.

Ranging from her theories on why we feel irked when people don’t thank us for being kind, to why customer service is at an all-time low; she writes with great sarcasm & humour.

Just my cup of tea.

& it really does make sense.

For example, Facebook has changed its layout like, twice in the span of 6 months.
& we create groups like, ‘Bring Back The Old Facebook’ & ‘Why The New Layout Sucks’; to no avail.

But wait a minute. Did I phrase that correctly?

There is a Facebook Group.

For people who do not like the new Facebook.

Say, what?

Anyway.

In a nutshell, what Lynne Truss is trying to convey is that establishments, companies, website admins etc. today can do whatever they want, because they know they can get away with it.

At the end of the day, we still log on to Facebook, still call the credit card company, still use that lame ass bank's services.

Eventually, the bitching stops & we adapt to the new circumstances, instead of vice versa.

Another one of her trains of thought is...well...I might as well post an extract from her book:

Why is it so important to us that everyone should affirm a belief in the same codes of behaviour? Why is it so scary when someone doesn’t? Should we get out more? Or is going out the problem, & we should actually stay in?

Let’s imagine that you hold the door open & everything goes to plan: the person says, “Thank you” & you say, “You’re welcome” & the whole episode is successfully closed. When that perfect scene unfolds, how do you feel? Well, (1) relieved that they weren’t rude, of course. On the personal level, you feel (2) vindicated, (3) validated, & (4) virtuous. On a social or political level, you feel (5) safe. What is quite interesting is that you also feel (6) completely indifferent to the individual who has thanked you, because no personal relationship has been established between you.......

So, what happens when the “thank you” does not come? The reverse reactions apply.
1. In place of feeling relieved, you are exasperated – but, crucially, not surprised. “Typical!” you say. As Kate Fox points out, “Typical!” is one of our default modes, along with making jokes instead of complaining, claiming to prefer everything in moderation, & prizing modesty above all other social gifts. The “Typical!” response is actually quite self-flattering, of course. It suggests that fate can never wrong-foot us because we are always prepared for the worst of more unlikely event. “So then my sister-in-law has a sex change & went off to live in Krakatoa. Typical!” we exclaim. “The cat turned out to be a reincarnation of a seventh-century Chinese prophet. Typical!”

2. Instead of feeling vindicated, you are dismayed by the rejection of your kindness. Your dignity is wounded. You feel that the world is laughing at you for holding this door open.

3. Far from being validated, you feel obliterated. Are you invisible, then? Have you disappeared? Do doors hold themselves open these days? Do I look like a doorman? Would you like to pay me as a doorman? (You are bound to wax weakly sarcastic at this point.)

4. Instead of feeling coolly virtuous, you feel a flame of righteous indignation. A good deed has been thrown back in your face! Ha! “Did you see what that woman did? I held the door & she walked right through! I was doing the right thing, & she did the wrong thing!” The sensation of being morally superior to everyone else in the world is, of course, secretly the bets bit about the whole experience, but beware. What it brings our is not the most attractive aspect of your personality.

5. Instead of feeling safe, you are frightened. You succumb to accelerated moral reasoning. This person has no consideration for others, therefore has no imagination, therefore is a sociopath representative of a world packed with sociopaths. When someone is rude to you, the following logic kicks in: “I have no point of connection with this person...A person who wouldn’t say thank you is also a person who would cut your throat...Oh my God, society is in meltdown & soon it won’t be safe to come out.:

6. Finally, you HATE ther person who did not say thank you. Indifference is no longer an option. The whole incident has now become intensely personal, although you daren’t say anything for fear of reprisal. This person has, through casual & ignorant discourtesy, made you seethe with a mixture of virtuous affront, fury & feat - & don’t forget, you are STILL holding the door open. No wonder we should after people, ‘A thank-you wouldn’t kill you!” It’s amazing we don’t wrench doors from their hinges, run after people, & say, ‘Here! Open it yourself, next time, OK?”

Yes, bolt your doors, peepz!

'Oh, Swear Not By The Moon!!!!!!!!'

2009-06-15T02:34:00.000-07:00

Reduced Shakespeare Company in Singapore

The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
28th July – 2nd August 2009
Drama Centre Theatre
8pm

Omigawd Omigawd Omigawd

The Reduced Shakespeare Company??? In Singapore???

Why, I'll bet my two front teeth that’ll be the nearest to me they’ll ever be performing!!!

I was hoping I would get the chance to see them one day!

Omigawd...omigawd...

I love Adam Long!!! He’s so phucking funny! I think he brings so much life to their plays!

I want to go see them!!!

Arrrggghhh!!!

But sooth...Peace.

I have been wanting to go on a...‘journey of self-discovery’ if you may...for a long, long time.

Just me, muh moolah & the great outdoors. The ultimate getaway.

Doing whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want.

Just being alone, viewing life from a different vantage point; just to clear my mind.

I would have thought some place like Penang.

But hey, I’d settle for Singapore just the same!

Muahahahah...

Thing is, the bloody exchange rate is not in our favour.

Damn. Hahahahahah...

It seems Singapore is, in the words of a friend, ‘a fucking safe country’, & the police patrol every hour or something like that. ‘You can go out at 1am to buy cigarettes & no one will touch you’.

Yeah right. Are you sure, buddy?

Anyway, what would mua be doing buying cigarettes at one in the freaking morning?

Maybe I will, in the name of experimentation.

NOT!

Hahahahahahahah...

But I would love to go, & perhaps meet up with some old friends at the same time.

I remember the hustle & bustle of Orchard Road, the decorations, & it’s just so phucking clean over there.

I loved the Singapore Zoo & Night Safari, which is incomparable to our Taiping Zoo. Needless to say, I abhor our zoo. The maintenance, animal enclosures, zoo layout etc. seem so backward.

Macam zoo kos rendah.

I love their annual ArtsFest. Which. I missed this year. Double darn!!!

But hooo no, I ain’t gonna miss THE REDUCED SHAKESPEARE COMPANY.

Time to brush up on my Shakespeare.

Goodbye, goodbye...parting is such sweet sorrow!

By the way, you can catch clips of The RSC on YouTube. My fave is Romeo & Juliet as well as Hamlet.

Like you give a shit which my fave is...lol...

All The World's A Stage & Most Of Us Are Desperately Unrehearsed.

2009-06-14T01:45:00.000-07:00

My first day back at work after a long (long meaning...3 days...lol) holiday.

It’s funny how everyday life can breathe inspiration.

I was driving home just now & it was...well...is...such a nice day today.

The sun is shining brightly, & when the rays touch your skin it feels nice & warm. There is no haze, so the many layers of hills & mountains can be seen clearly; each a different colour, according to distance.

I was literally smiling all the way home.

Okey I lied...half the way home.

Somehow, I felt so happy & blessed simply because it was a pretty day.

Call me a simpleton, but it really did.

Amazing how, at that moment in time, all worries seemed to melt away; it was like as though some higher power was saying, ‘hey, snap out of it, leave your mundane routine for a while, look around you, & life for the moment’.

Beautiful.

Too bad my phone’s camera rosak. Puki taik betui.

Anyway, here I am at home, listening to Alanis’ One Hand In My Pocket...

‘What it all comes down to, is that everything’s gonna be fine, fine, fine...cause I got one hand in my pocket, & the other one is playin’ a piano!’

Although the day is nearly over, can I still say that it made my day?

Well, better late than never, eh?

Title quote by Sean O'Casey.

I Got Rid Of My Husband - The Cat Was Allergic.

2009-06-11T07:38:00.000-07:00

NST, Monday, June 1, 2009.
Letters: Cruelty To Animals: Put off by deejay’s humour.

I woud like to share with others the conversation I heard between Sinar FM deejays Salih Yaakob & Kahiril with a listener calling in on Thursday to share his story on the topic of the day: “an incident I can’t forget”.
The story the caller related made me sick to the stomach.
It was about how he & his friends, who were then 6 years old, hurled a pregnant cat from the 16th floor of a high-rise flat to prove whether a cat really has nine lives.
The caller even had the cheek to describe how a security guard came running to the scene after hearing the sound of the impact of the cat hitting the ground.
What kind of values have their parents imparted to their children (the caller mentioned that his parents were lecturers)?
What bothers me most was that the deejays weren’t appalled by the incident & even injected humour into it.
By making light of the incident, the deejays were insensitive to a blatant act of cruelty on an animal.
Unfortunately, the unremorseful caller (now a grown man) was given his ‘two minutes of pleasure in the hall of fame’ for relating the cruel incident in which he & his friends participated.
A.B.
Petaling Jaya

Yes, exactly...what has our society come to?

My father told me that when I was little, I tried to tie up a cat with some telephone wire at my grandfather’s place in Sitiawan.

I don’t remember that, but I think it might be a plausible story, because I remember hunting high & low for the cats. You see, Sitiawan is a tiny little township, & my grandfather & uncle had had some orchards. The house was (is???) a bungalow which I remember...is big...but then again places we visit during our childhood are always big, aren’t they? & there were about 10 or more dogs at any one time, dogs of the Spitz variety, sometimes some pariahs. Those which were deemed good guard dogs were taken to the orchards; most of the time they didn’t come back.

So you can imagine that the house wasn’t very clean, with all those dogs running around, cats coming & going, oh, & the chickens & ducks behind.

Back to the cats.

Come to think of it, I don’t know why I always searched for the cats. Perhaps because I got bored with the dogs, & cats are always much cleaner & softer to the touch, no?

But compare my telephone wire story to the throwing-of-pregnant-cat story.

Although I’m no goodie-two-shoes, I think throwing a cat off a building is cruel.

Throwing a PREGNANT cat off a building is just plain ignorance.

Ignorance to the fact that it is not only the life of the adult cat at stake.

Ignorance to the fact that, if a human - which is relatively bigger than your average house cat – can sustain injuries from falling 16 floors, what more a mere cat?

Last but not least, ignorance to...erm...I am at a loss for words...ignorance to...morality? Because, surely some might say, ‘ah, what would any 6 year old know?’, but the disturbing fact is that, even as a grown man (actually, I don’t think this person is much of a man), he shows no sign of repentence, but seems amused & thinks what he did was ‘cool’, so much so that he ‘advertised’ his deed on air!

Omigawd...

I am usually all for peace & meekness but sorry Mr. Gandhi, this guy deserves a good thumping.

No doubt I would thump him myself if ever I meet him.

I think somewhere in the Quran it is written:

The tests of a society is its attitude towards animals.

Obviously, ours is declining instead of progressing.

The Bad News Is Time Flies. The Good News Is You're The Pilot.

2009-06-10T07:02:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, we did not have much. Times were hard, even though I was an only child.

Perhaps it was because of the fact that it was just Daddy-O & me, living on a single income.

I suspect this is the main reason I have always loooved to browse through catalogs, slowly examining & studying the pictures with their short descriptions.

Omigawd...it is confirmed: I have psychotic tendencies!

But we all probably always knew that...lol

Last week I bought a book with Michelle’s Popular Card (yes, The Autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi! RM10 only! With member card, RM9! Lol), & we got a free copy of their Pop Club magazine.

We were both scrambling for dibs on who gets the first read...hahahahah...macam budak kecik!

Anyway, there was this article about time management, & one of the key points was:
If you ever read any books about time management, you will come across a term, which is named Parkinson’s Law. This law explains that work expands to fill the time available for its completion. This means of you make less time available for a given task, you will get it done more quickly.

Benefits: This can be an efficient way to train us to avoid procrastination in our work.
Ways To Apply: The more time we give ourselves, the longer we will need to finish a task. Set a shorter time frame in order to complete your task quickly without delay.

At that moment I was like, ‘that’s so true!’!

House chores, school work, things I don’t like to do...

If I set one hour to clean house & another hour to slack off, most probably I’d finish cleaning in half an hour & slack off the rest...hahahahahah...

Or...or..! Because I don’t have anything to do for the whole day, I hardly clear anything, whereas if it were my aunty, she would have made everything spanking clean in a few hours!

Boy, she was a wonder woman!

When I think: house chores, I’m like...'eaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!' & feel weak, tired, unmotivated, bored, too hot, fed up, undecided on what to throw & what to keep, irritated that the damned house will get dirty in a month, that those blasted cobwebs will reappear in 2.5 hours...

& suddenly someone calls me out for drinks, & I’m all perky like, ‘Okey, caaan!!!’!

House chores...EUGH!!!

The other day Farrah told me you could hire an Indonesian maid for 8 hours at the price of RM50. I thought she meant 8 Indonesian maids, & was like, ‘8 Indons to clean my house? Wow!’...sorry, miscommunication mah. Although my ears are big, but they sometimes receive the wrong transmission...hahahahah...

Anyway.

I want to do the housework because it is some sort of exercise, but...BUTTTTTTTTT...the psychological aspect of it is terrible! Hahahahahahahah...

That concludes why my house is a dump. Literally.

Add two mongrels to the equation, & you have: the ultimate neighbour from hell.

Hahahahahahahahah...

I suck. I admit it.

To all my Chinko friends out there: when I die & go to heaven (YES, I AM GOING TO HEAVEN, DAMN IT!), please burn 8 Indon maids to do my chores for me. & please, well-behaved ones, not the ones who run away or selalu menggatal. Hahahahahahahahah

Title quote by Michael Altshuler.

P.S: Question: Would that then be hell for the 8 Indon maids? Or would they be robots with no souls? Surely those ‘maids’ have to be conjured out of something? Well, whatever...as long as they do what they’re supposed to.

Took me darned long to find a photo of a French maid. & all of them were from costume shops! This is the most tasteful...rest are all for kinky perves! LOL

Chi To The Power Of Two.

2009-06-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

28th May 2009

ChiChi The Cat sudah mangkat.

Fuck.

Here I was, playing the excited mother-in-law & happy grandmother-to-be, but fate had other plans.

ChiChi came into our stables about a week or so after Cat (not Djul’s wife, for Pete’s sake!!! Lol) died. She was a dirty little bugger – fur was not too bad, just a bit lacklustre, but she had some eye infection of some sort & they were always tearing.

She wouldn’t allow me to touch her, even though I fed her every day. She would shy away & retreat until I back off, even when I tried to distract her with the cat biscuits. Yes, my job allows me to experiment with cat psychology as well. Hahahahahahahahah...

It was only a few weeks ago that she let me stroke her, & I have to say she quite liked it (why does that sound so wrong??? You dirty bastards!). The power of touch is unfathomable if used correctly. It relays love, it provides assurance, it brings comfort. Yes, the equine tactile therapist in me is speaking. Hahahahahahahaha...

So yeah, being a stray all her life, I suppose it must have been good to feel loved.

Slowly but surely her belly grew & grew to super giganto size, & she started eating like, well, a horse. Pun intended. Hahahahah...

One day the canteen cat gave birth to about 5 little mousey looking thinggumies. This only increased my anxiousness for ChiChi’s delivery.

Only it was never to be.

Yesterday was my second day as acting ‘second boss’, so I had arrived at work at about 5.30am, & was phucking pissed because the live-in syce had closed the main gate in such a way that I couldn’t open it from the outside (what the phuck? What if there is some emergency of some sort? How could anyone open the gate from the outside then? Dumb ass...).

Anyway, only Lucifer was waiting for me, so I guessed that ChiChi had probably delivered or something. She recognizes the sound of my footsteps (is that possible??? The wonders of animals never cease!) & would usually come towards me, even before I turn the corner. This time, there was no ChiChi.

When I asked the live-in syce, he said very simply that the cat had died in front of the treadmill.

What the heck!?!

Sure enough, I found her there, eyes wide open & belly still bulging.

Too much of an emotional rollercoaster so early in the day.

My non-veterinary-compliant brain assumes that maybe she couldn’t deliver, & finally died trying to give birth, or something had happened to the babies, & they were killing her from the inside.

Again, guilt comes into play when I find myself thinking, ‘I should have known something was wrong’ & ‘I should have taken more care of her’.

& that phucker of a syce had the nerve to say, ‘the biscuits that you feed her every day were not suitable for pregnant cats, that’s why she couldn’t give birth’.

I was like, what the fuck kind of a person are you???

When Cat died, he said that she had probably recognized the sound of my car approaching & ran alongside or something like that, & I had run her down.

Now he says I gave ‘non-pregnant-cat-compliant’ biscuits to ChiChi.

Can you like, start walking back to your motherland NOW before I kick your ass over the Straits???

Puki taik kanina bulu...

Anyway.

There were no tears.

Life teaches us to be strong in front of others. Especially working with horses; God’s wonderful mistake. Creatures which are so high maintenance, so prone to weird injuries that are hard to pronounce & even harder to spell; but yet so majestic & inspiring.

As with Cat, I put ChiChi into a Sustaina bag (no place to bury at the stable, or I would have done so) & put her softly in the muck pile.

Some Chinese believe that animals which are really devoted to their masters will continue to follow them even after they (the animals) pass on. I read somewhere a few years back that a man with ‘special powers’ told another guy that there was a dog following him, & it turned out that it was the guy’s dead dog. But do not fret, they are there to protect their masters.

Well, the thing that bugs me the most is: if that is true, I must have a whole zoo of animals following me wherever I go!!! ROFL...

Hamsters, cats, dogs, fish (can’t say fish really love me though, I don’t have any luck with them! Lol), horses...imagine that! Hahahahahahah...

Well, I hope Lucifer won’t bring anymore of his girlfriends to stay over anymore. But then again, like in the case of Puppin VII:

Across the gateway of my heart
I wrote 'No thoroughfare',
But love came laughing by, and cried
'I enter everywhere'.
- Herbert Shipman -

But that’s a story for another day. I have been up since, FOREVER today so, good evening, all.

Lucifer & Chi Chi.

Those Who Deny Freedom To Others Deserve It Not For Themselves.

2009-06-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, & only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind.

- John Stuart Mill, English philosopher (1986 - 1873) -

Today's food for thought, peepz! I'm in a cyber cafe somewhere in Serdang at the moment, waiting for Blackie 2 (hahahah...so bad! This is Uncle Isa & my nickname for him...Blackie 1 is Negro...LOL...kejam, kejam!) to finish work.

Freedom of choice.
Freedom of thought.

How far should we exercise these rights? & how important is it for us to demand our right to these?

I'll leave the ending open to you...go figure, Smarty Pants!!!

Sudden burst of inspiration these past few days, so wait for updates!

Will be back in Ipoh Sunday night, so probably will update around next week. I promise!

P.S. The title was quoted by Abraham Lincoln.

Percayalah...Itu Aku...

2009-05-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

Ribuan hari aku menunggumu,

Jutaan lagu tercipta untukmu;

Apakah kau akan terus begini?

Masih adakah celah di hatimu,

Yang masih bisa ku tuk singgahi?

Cubalah aku kapan engkau mahu...

Tahukan lagu yang kau suka?

Tahukah bintang yang kau sapa?

Tahukah rumah yang kau tuju?

Itu aku...

There's Another World Inside Of Me That You May Never See...

2009-05-25T07:56:00.001-07:00

Hey peepz...

I know, I know; along with the dry spell we Ipoh Mari fellas are experiencing at the moment, came writer's block.

Add a pitcher full of deep personal conflict & voila! a blank mind.

I apologize...I have been busy with work (what work!?! lol) & just plain lazy to go WiFi-ing. Wish I had Internet access at home...*sigh*.

Yes, I am not ber-drama-ing, but I am quite 'conflicted' at the moment. But no worries, I am working it out.

But seriously, inspiration hasn't come these past few weeks, & I've been preocupied with reading...AND re-reading...Shakespeare's works...I love love love his writings...beautiful.

His works never fail to bore me, even if I read it a hundred times. Well, let's not exaggerate here...lol...so I will rephrase & say: 'his works never fail to bore me, even if I read it...three times'. Hahahahah...see, I'm an Honest Joe you know...lol

Ipoh Races again last weekend, so there was some air of urgency & importance the whole week...sort of like someone switched on some 'high alert' switch...hahahahah...

& the phucking heat...omigawd...don't get me started on that...

But I think our stable did pretty well. Hooray!!!

But I didn't bet on them. Boo!!!

Hahahahahahahah...

Later, peepz...love you, you, you, & you!!! *muah muah muah*

Only God Knows Why...

2009-05-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

There is a Chinese saying, ‘being God is a difficult matter’.

I hear the question in your mind: why?

Because, when it is hot, the mortals complain & lament, ‘It is too hot to work...why can’t it rain?’. & when it rains, they exclaim, ‘Rain every damn day! The clothes can’t dry, & everything is soggy. Can’t even get out of the house to get to the car...it’s too wet to work!!!’.

When the weather is perfect...'Phuck work...I’m taking a day off to enjoy the good weather while it lasts!’.

Phucking humans.

But I am sometimes guilty of this as well. Hahahahahahah...

Sorry, I have been un-blogging lately, will make up for it, I promise! The problem is, inspiration comes when I am busy & without pen, paper or laptop! lol...

Anyway, I need work to keep my mind occupied...

Hamlet: Act 3, Scene 1.

2009-05-16T07:10:00.000-07:00

'My honour'd lord, you know right well you did; And, with them, words of so sweet breath compos'd, As made the things more rich : their perfume lost, Take these again : for, to the noble mind, Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. There, my lord.'.

Show Me A Man With A Tattoo & I'll Show You A Man With An Interesting Past.

2009-05-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

My first ink (Why does that sound like I will be getting another in the future?).

Why a pair of wings, you say. Well, there are many different angles to look at it:

The mask I wear is a good one. Very few people have seen me without it, & even fewer know the person behind it. The wings represent freedom from past hurts & troubles.

In some sadistic way it is penance for past mistakes, & a reminder that I am not infallible.

Although we humans can achieve great things, at the end of the day, we are still that foul five letter word – human.

It is also for my family & those who I am close to; those who have made an impact on my life – especially my aunty who passed away. I thought about how my aunty broke down when she was first diagnosed with cancer, & again when we first visited her at the hospital. The sadness & blankness in her eyes & body language. How they had to insert a needle right through the middle of her chest to extract bone marrow, & how bruised her arm became because they had to insert so many needles for medication.

I had lost many cats, dogs, horses etc. in my life, but what does it compare to the loss of someone whom you have known all your life? Someone who toiled to raise you, someone whose values, principals, & teachings made you who you are today? Who took you as her own, through thick & thin?

She was strong till the end. I wish I could be like her.

It is Hamlet’s ‘To Be Or Not To Be’ soliloquy.

But it also gives me the strength to overcome obstacles.

Got Ink?

2009-05-12T07:42:00.000-07:00

I finally found the time to get inked last Sunday.

Well, what can I say...I had my mind set on my design for about a year & a half, so I was pretty damn sure that was what I wanted. But on the other hand there was the fear factor...that was like, ‘YIKES!’!!! Hahahahahah...

But it wasn’t all that bad really, the pain was bearable, but for me it was somewhat of an emotional therapy session as well. This is an easy way of putting it; in a timeline:

The outlining part was...well, bearable (word of the day! Lol), like lining up tiny ants biting you.

I have never been one to act on impulse, & because ink is forever, I made sure I took my time & really made sure that I was prepared to have my design with me till the end. & of course there is a story behind it (chewah...kononnya like Miami Ink like that lah! Lol). Hence the emotional pain part.

But that is a story for another day (tomorrow, actually!)!

Once I’d gotten over that phase (& gotten everyone especially Dr. ‘Pratula’ & Dellorto into a panic! Lol), the shading began. That was like...putting your finger near a warm kettle. For the first few seconds it is bearable, but when it stays there, it burns. At that time I was comparing which part was more painful...hahahahah...I think my conclusion is that my right shoulder area is more painful...is there such a thing? Hahahahah...I got a bit irritated when he jumped from the right to the left, or left to right...it was like, ‘WHOA I thought we were doing the left side!!!’

Hahahahah...but it’s all good...

Elton Nunis, tattoo artist extraordinare.

It was all over quite quickly though. Or perhaps there was so much turmoil going on that time passed quickly (‘Time flies when you’re enjoying yourself’!?! Omigod I must be a saddist!!!)? & the words came out like sweet honey; ‘Okey we’re done, go check it out in the mirror...’. In my mind I was like, ‘YAY!!!’, & when he rubbed some solution on it, the cold was a welcome relief.

BUUUTTT...after that he called me back & said, ‘this will hurt ah’, & squirted some OTHER liquid on it (phucking alcohol!!!) & in my mind I was like...'YEEEOOOWWWCCCHHH!!!'!!! My wings were on phucking fire!!! Now it’s like damn funny but at that time it really hurt, man!!!

Shit! Hahahahahahah...

But because there were so many people in the place, I sort of like, cover malu lah, so I was screaming on the inside. Hahahahahahahahah...

The good thing about going first is that you get to laugh at the others after that. No lah, I’m not that bad okey...he he he...

I have this scene in my mind (purely fiction, I promise! Lol) where my boss irks me & I say, ‘Phuck you, boss!!!’ give him the finger, then my wings *whoosh* open & I fly away, ‘so long, sucker!!!’, leaving him behind, flabbergasted & mouth wide open.

But my boss is a nice guy, so...perhaps it might be some other poor unsuspecting denizen...

So don’t make me angry, lest you unleash the beast within..!

BlackCat Tattoo Studio, Sunway Pyramid.

War Knows No Law Except That Of Might.

2009-05-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

War is such a terrifying thing.

I watched ‘The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button’ recently (funny how movies seem to bring about inspiration, eh?) & there was this blind guy who was a famous clockmaker. He was commissioned to build a clock for a public building – unfortunately, halfway through, his son died in a war. He threw himself into his work, & when the day came, the mayor unveiled the clock & everyone was gob-smacked that the clock was ticking backwards.

The blind guy was trying to make a statement about how he wishes he could turn back time to bring back those who died...then he dies, supposedly of a broken heart.

It is difficult to lost someone. But why do people go to war in search of peace? It seems like such an ironic thing to me...going to war in the name of peace? Hm...maybe if there was some psycho-maniac fella like Hitler, then it would be justified? But is it really?

To heck with that.

On a personal level, there are so many aspects of war that I cannot comprehend. How can you let a family member leave for a far away land, with no communication, day by day wondering if they are okay, dreading the day that a few uniformed men will approach the house with letter in hand? How can people drop bombs on others’ houses, put bullets through children’s bodies, or destroy places of worship?

War brings sadness, death, fear, separation, famine, & a multitude of other undesirable bullshit.

In Korea there is this river (again, sloth prevents me from searching for its name) which divides North & South Korea. It used to be a normal thing, crossing the river. Until the war of these two territories turned it into an invisible wall.

People were (& still are!) not allowed to cross this river. Heck, they are not even allowed to loiter around the banks!

Imagine your mother telling you to go to visit your sick uncle across the river. Upon reaching your uncle’s house, there is chaos in the streets & you are told that you can never return to the other side of the river. Suddenly, you are cut off from the world you once knew. All forms of communication are impossible, & if you really wanted to, you could risk almost everything & pretend to wash your clothes or swim by the riverside just for a tiny glimpse of your beloved family. The documentary on National Geographic was heart-wrenching.

In other parts of the world, wars could be started for reasons as trivial as the colour of our skins. Pinks against blues, greens against purples, ahhh...what does it matter!!! We all shed the same colour blood anyway!

With the ‘advent’ of nuclear weapons, the effects of war can even linger for generations!

Perhaps it is just nature’s way of controlling the population. On a smaller scale, it is something like in Wolverine – The Origins movie, ‘5 guys on a high protein diet trapped in an elevator’...good one, that..!

I am now disturbed.